Is it unreasonable to ask my stepdaughter to call her stepdad by his real name?

I have been with my husband for six years. He had a daughter from a previous marriage that was 2.5 when we started dating. His ex-wife has been with her spouse the same amount of time. They live several states away from us, so we only see SD 8 weeks in the summer and alternating holidays. Her mother has two other children at home (1 and 3), and we have a 2.5-year-old here. Stepdaughter has started calling her stepdad Dad/daddy at the encouragement of her mom and Stepdad. She says they told her she needed to call him dad or daddy, so the younger siblings don’t get confused when she calls him by his real name. But here, she calls me by my first name. Of course my 2.5 calls me by my first name every now and then from listening to her but I would never want my SD to call me mom/mommy just because I told her to. Is this something we should just deal with? Is it unreasonable to ask her to call her Stepdad by his actual name when she is here? Obviously we understand she’s with him the majority of the time but she’s said more than once that he’s not even nice to her. We aren’t huge fans of him either - he’s just not a nice person. I just feel bad for my husband. He facetimes her everyday when she’s away and she answers maybe once a week if he’s lucky. That’s a whole issue in itself we’ve been trying to address.


The child should choose what to call whoever… it shouldn’t be forced on her to call someone dad…


Unreasonable to me. Let the kid do whatever makes her comfortable


If she is doing it on her own I would let her. Now to them saying they will get confused…I explained to my son that calls his step dad by name that when he is talking to his little brother he needs to say his dad. Like instead of saying hey let’s go get Robbie we are saying hey let’s go get daddy. It maybe confusing but kids are smart.

as long as the title is being earned nothing wrong with having two daddys or two mommy’s. As long as he EARNS IT. I don’t think the title should just be given. And as long as the child is comfortable with it of course.


I guess it would depend on your relationship with the mother. Are you guys on good terms? If not I doubt you asking her will do anything but cause more drama. I wouldn’t ask the stepdaughter to do that because that will probably put her in an uncomfortable situation. You telling her one thing and her mother telling her another. You will have to go to the mother and talk to her about it.

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Yeah not your choice. And you don’t have a right to ask. That’s what she’s comfortable with. You not being comfortable with it is not her problem. :woman_shrugging:


The child should be the one to choose I would suggest sitting down with SD and just asking her how she feels about it and what she would like to call him her mom doesn’t have to know about weather or not she uses that work when she is with you js

I dont see a problem with it. Shes calling her stepdad dad. And he is raising her.

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You sound jealous. You shouldn’t ask her anything about this. If her dad has an issue with it, he can approach it with her.


Tf. Let the kid use whatever she’s comfortable with.


Unreasonable. She is an individual human being. Despite what you may think or how things MAY appear, maybe she is comfortable calling him that and it isnt your place to tell her what she can or cannot call her step dad. :woman_shrugging: I called my step mom by her name only.


I believe it should be what the child is comfortable with. My step-children call me by my first name, and when talking to my 2 year old, they refer to me as mum or mummy, but they don’t call me mum or mummy. They have their own mother. My step-daughter is 11 and she took it upon herself to say “let’s go see what mummy is doing” etc, so my 2 year old. We have never coached her, or my step-son. No one is confused. Having said that, my 2 year old doesn’t yet understand when they aren’t with us that they have their own mum. But we will always explain things in an authentic, age appropriate way.

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My kids call their step mom. Mom or first name but they also have been known to call their teacher mom lololo

I say just let her choose

I realize the issue I truly do however just know that no matter what name a child calls you its doesn’t dictate the place you hold on thier heart only your actions and unconditional love will do that .
I called my step dad by his name plus he passed when I was seven but that will never change who he was to me ( the best dad ever ) .
I also adopted my nephew and niece at a vary young ages they ( my son) choose to call me mom ( oddly on his own with no prompting, I have no children) so he and his sister call me mom and I am thier mom in thier heart but I would have been the same person to them had they called me aunt Samantha because I hold a place in thier heart not my title . So dont sweat the name thing .

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I honestly don’t see the issue with her calling him dad. They are in the same household full time and he is in the dad role. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Why should she stop calling him dad for two weeks of the year bc she’s visiting with you guys??


I think SHE should do what SHE is comfortable doing!


Sorry that isn’t your choice and I would suggest you butt out of that situation.


Communicate with the other parents if its an issue.

Also, I have a blended family as well. I would never tell my daughter she HAS to call her step dad, dad/daddy unless she wants to, sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt. Her dad is also very avctive in her life, he and my current bf co parent too VERY WELL. Kids know who are there & who aren’t.

I have a stepson. I started dating his father when he was 2½… he called me by my first name. I never asked him to call me anything else. He is now 9 and I have 2 daughters (age 5 and 2) with his father. They call me mom and whenever they would ask why he called me Amanda instead of mom I would tell them because he came out of a different mommy’s belly. They never questioned it. Around 6/7 years old he asked me if he could call me mom. I told him to make sure it was ok with his mom first because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So now sometimes he calls me Amanda and sometimes he calls me mom. :woman_shrugging: (we have 1 week/1 week custody)