Is It Weird or Wrong to Be Friends with People You've Hooked Up With in the Past?

QUESTION:

"Weird question, but are you still friends with people who you hooked up with?

I talk to a few guys that I slept with, and my boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t talk to them…what should I do? They are just friends and have been just friends for years."

RELATED QUESTION: Am I wrong for wanting to meet my ex’s girlfriend?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“It’s just common sense to not talk to people you’ve had sex with if you’re in a relationship. Ask yourself the same question would you be ok if he has girlfriends he had sex with still talking to him.”

“I still talk to people I’ve hooked up with. We’re friends and work better that way anyway, it’s good having a friend I can go to for anything and not have to worry about judgment like with some girlfriends. I love my husband and talking to past exes means nothing more to both of us. I did have an ex once though that didn’t allow me to talk to any guys (even though I had never touched them). He turned into the most controlling guy and it escalated too quickly, so I wouldn’t stay with someone like that.”

“No. I used to. When I was single, I’d stay friends with some exes. Or friends with benefits. But, I got with my husband. And I stopped talking to them. Because I respected my husband and our relationship. He didn’t ask me to. He didn’t have to or have the chance to.”

“I agree with your boyfriend. I personally think it’s weird. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from I mean if they were just your friends and nothing else happened between any of them I would say your boyfriend was just insecure but you had sexual relationships with these friends of yours… completely different than just a platonic friendship. How would you feel if he was still talking to his “friends” that he slept with?? Probably would be a completely different story. It’s about respect. Bottom line.”

“Out of respect for my husband, I do not maintain a relationship with anyone I’ve slept with. That goes both ways: I don’t want him chatting up some girl he slept with. Mutual respect.”

“I am friends with exes or hookups. When I am in a relationship I don’t tell my S/O that we slept together unless they ask. Everyone has a past and as long as y’all are just friends now I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

“If it makes your partner uncomfortable, don’t do it.”

“I’m still friends with someone I slept with before I was with my husband. We’re friends, no feelings. And my husband trusts me. I don’t think it’s weird, as long as no lines are crossed while hanging out together.”

“There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ There are only perspectives here. When it becomes an issue is when there are double standards. If you have different ideas of what’s acceptable and aren’t able to find a compromise, you just may not be compatible. Especially if this is one of many things that y’all feel very differently about and can’t compromise on. Relationships aren’t black and white. Every human is different… you have to find one that compliments you well.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

17 Likes

#ByeBoy
Any guy who tries to dictate who you talk to is insecure- let him
Go so he can grow.

10 Likes

It’s a respect thing

3 Likes

If he has girls who he slept with as friends it’s all good. If not, it looks like a slap in the face

2 Likes

I am friends with ex’s or hook ups. When I am in a relationship I don’t tell my S/O that we slept together unless they ask. Everyone has a past and as long as y’all are just friends now I don’t see anything wrong with it.

4 Likes

I used to think it wasn’t ok, but having an ex now who knows respect and boundaries, I think its fine, depends on the people, but if you’ve been mates for years, its all good.

It’s just common sense to not talk to people you’ve had sex with if you’re in a relationship. Ask yourself the same question would you be ok if he has girl friends he had sex with still talking to him M :woman_shrugging:

22 Likes

Past is the past. As long as you keep it that way. I am best friends with the guy I lost my virginity to. He and I both are in relationships and always keep in touch over the years. If anyone crosses the line, then I make it a point to say “see ya” out of respect.

There’s no “right” or “wrong”. There’s only perspectives here. When it becomes an issue is when there’s double standards. If you have different ideas of what’s acceptable and aren’t able to find a compromise, you just may not be compatible. Especially if this is one of many things that y’all feel very differently about and can’t compromise on. Relationships aren’t black and white. Every human is different… you have to find one that compliments you well.

2 Likes

He’s insecure. Dump him

3 Likes

Sorry,couldn’t help myself

15 Likes

I agree with your boyfriend. I personally think it’s weird. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from I mean if they were just your friends and nothing else happened between any of them I would say your boyfriend was just insecure but you had sexual relationships with these friends of yours… completely different than just a platonic friendship. How would you feel if he was still talking to his “friends” that he slept with?? Probably would be a completely different story :woman_shrugging:t3: it’s about respect. Bottom line.

5 Likes

It’s about respect. You shouldnt talk to anyone you were involved with in the past.

2 Likes

My best friend is my x and my fiance and him are good friends to it’s all on how he feels

If your boyfriend is someone that you hope to marry someday…you should cut ties with these guys you’ve had sex with.

1 Like

2 of my best friends are guys I had slept with in the past. I’m not in a relationship now but when I talk to a perspective guy I always let them know I still talk to those 2 guys. If it was going to be serious and they weren’t comfortable I would for sure respect that and not talk to them.

1 Like

I still talk to people I’ve hooked up with… we’re friends and work better that way anyways, it’s good having a friend I can go to for anything and not have to worry about judgement like with some girl friends.
I love my husband and talking to past ex’s mean nothing more to both of us.

I did have an ex once though that didn’t allow me to talk to any guys… ( even though I had never touched them )
He turned into the most controlling guy and it escalated too quick, so I wouldn’t stay with someone like that…

4 Likes

You should get to talk to whoever you like. He shouldnt try and control who you talk to or what you do. I dont think its werid at all. If he. Has issues with It he would have to be gone. You need to.Dump him he will keep control who you talk to womem or guys even guys you havent had sex with you.

4 Likes

Nope me and my ex is best friends

1 Like

I’m still friends with someone I slept with before I was with my husband. We’re friends, no feelings. And my husband trusts me. I don’t think it’s weird, as long as no lines are crossed while hanging out together

2 Likes