Is it wrong not to let my mom be there for the birth of my child or baby sit?

My mom is a severe alcoholic. She has vodka for breakfast, drinks daily, and gets sloppy and loud/mean after only a couple of drinks. I’ve told her that she isn’t going to be able to allowed to babysit and things if she doesn’t stop drinking, but she says she doesn’t care and doesn’t seem to take me seriously. She and my father are still together/live together along with my brother, so I can’t exactly cut off contact, and I don’t mind her visiting if I’m around to monitor how much she’s had. But I would never feel comfortable leaving my daughter there with her. (She once picked up my bf’s nephew from my aunts without my permission driving drunk with him) I’m almost six months pregnant and am sure she’s going to try to be there for the birth, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable but also feel bad to say no. She’s always been (still is) active in my life, but her drinking has been out of control for a long time now. Would I be awful to say she can’t be there? Or babysit?

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You know the answer to this. NO

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My Grandmother was an alcoholic, and due to circumstances my mom did the best she could but I was exposed to it as a child. From your child’s perspective, please, do what you feel is safe.

No, not awful. It’s the natural consequences of her relationship with alcohol. Please think about checking into Al-Anon. :peace_symbol::heart::pray:t4::candle:

Why is this even a question? You are feeling guilty for what? For her habit? For her addiction? She could 1. Hurt your child if she baby sits because she’s do messed up she may get violent. 2. Not pay attention to your child, if she babysits, and something bad could happen to your baby. Do you not realize your child could possibly pass away with a severe drunk watching him or her on their own? I just don’t get why people think that this is even an option. Who gives a shit of shes your mom. IF SHE CANT HELP HERSELF THEN KEEP YOUR HELPLESS BABY AWAY FROM HER.

As for her being in the roo. while you give birth…Let her know she needs to be sober or you’ll have her escorted away.

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NOT awful at all . - You have to act in the best interests of your child/ren .

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She should not be there nor should be be permitted to babysit. That is putting the child in a terrible situation. And i can’t imagine a hospital will tolerate someone drunk in the waiting room at that time. Best wishes to you and new little one.

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Heck no you’re not wrong! My dad was an alcoholic of over 45 years. He would start drinking as soon as he woke up. A fifth of Kessler whisky or 7 crown and a case of carling black label. All of this before noon. I would never have allowed him alone with my children. I loved my dad dearly, but he made his choice and I decided I was tired of dealing with it!

No. Set boundaries. You are responsible for your child. Not your mother.

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I’d set rules right now. Stick to them. She’s not allowed around baby unless sober. Her choice now.

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As far as babysitting, don’t feel guilty. Your first job is protecting your child. You’ll see that when the baby actually comes. Protective instincts are fierce and you’ll do what you need to regardless of her feelings. As for letting her in the room for the birth, I’d make the stipulation she has to be sober. If she’s sober and supportive let her in. She acts up boot her out. The hospital has security if she won’t go quietly. They will side with you and even step in it she’s really disruptive and you don’t know how to make her leave. Your comfort is their first priority.

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Someone like that says what they mean. She doesn’t care and even if you asked her to babysit she would probably say no. She’s telling you all you need to know. She truly doesn’t care. That’s a harsh reality. I hope you can find support from your significant others family, and hopefully your mom will realize what she’s doing. Sad.

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This is not acceptable. If you allow her to sit, and something happens…there’s a big chance you will be liable and have the baby taken from you (it almost happened to someone I knew), because you knew what the circumstances were prior to letting your child be in her presence like that. As far as the birth, if she isn’t sober she can’t be there. That way whatever she chooses is her choice, not yours.

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🤦 i mean obviously you dont feel its safe and you already seem to know the answer to your question not sure anyone here is going to tell you to leave your infant with a drunk 💁 its your infant’s life you would be putting in danger if you do leave it with her so that should be common sense

My mom was the same… I told her she wasn’t allowed to be around me or my child if she continues. My mom checked herself into rehabilitation really soon after and is 13 years sober this year because she wasn’t willing to give that up… choices love. I would never EVER allow that. She has a choice!

No way I whould never let anyone baby sit my child that is like that or be there with me

My dad is an alcoholic too since i can remember. A big pink elephant in our room. Now that i have my own family, no matter if he is my father i will never let my son experience the horrible things i did because of him. only people with true and sincere love, respect and concern are allowed to be near me and my love ones. i dont feel guilty disposing toxic people away from us. life is short. i have been robbed of my childhood innocence because of others, i am determine to live my life to the fullest this time.

What’s important to you is what’s most important. Right, wrong or indifferent, doesn’t matter, inebriated = unable to properly care for a baby as well as unable to behave appropriately, whether in the room with you birthing the baby or in the waiting room. That WILL affect how you feel, the stress is something you don’t need and if she can’t appreciate and respect that, that’s on her. If she isn’t willing to compromise long enough to see the miracle of this baby entering the world or holding this baby right after birth, then she can sit at home and see the baby when you decide to visit. You visiting her can make it easier to control the time and capacity of her interaction with the baby. Most importantly, this isn’t about her, this time is about you and your new baby. Speak with the nursing staff upon admission, they will fiercely protect you like a bunch of mama/daddy bears and it’s nothing less than AWESOME! Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on the upcoming new addition to the family.

You’ll feel even worse if she’s drunk and accidentally hurts your baby. That’s your priority now, not her feelings.

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No no no! Her addiction is not your problem. She won’t change until she wants to change. You have to set boundaries. Tell her if she’s drinking at that time of the birth, she needs to wait to see baby when she’s not drinking. Sounds like she’s a pretty severe alcoholic and you can’t expect her to have had nothing but you can tell when she’s had too much to hold baby. Absolutely no to babysitting. But hey, that’s up to you.

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