My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have two kids. I have never been 1 for drinking and partying post-marriage or go out of my way to have friends over. I’m content with my family. Is it wrong to expect the same from my husband? The friends he has do not have the life he has(they are single with no kids or have baby mammas and still in their parent’s homes and well over the age of 30). I have just had enough of it and need to know if I am overreacting. Sundays, Christmas eve, new years, etc., are days surely to be spent with family(not necessarily the household), but instead, my house is filled with my husband’s friends, or if we are with family, it’s like he can’t wait to get to friends. And when I mention this to him, he says he will tell his friends not to come anymore as I don’t want them there and that I want him to change his lifestyle. Almost put me on a guilt trip. Am I wrong to think of family first? Is the issue about the fact that he has not grown up yet? Please bear in mind his seven years older than I am.
There needs to be a balance between family time & * friend * time .
You want a broken house ??? I’m sure you won’t like the results. In today’s time be happy you have a husband and a House
Get some friends/interests of your own and you won’t mind him having some. It’s not healthy for your entire life to be consumed by just your immediate family.
You’ve been with him for ten years. You knew what you were signing up for. Why expect him to change now?
Count your blessings, it could be worse.
What did you agree to when you got married? Did you have any conversations surrounding expectations about this topic? Some people are closer to their friends than they are to their family, and even consider their friends family. There is nothing wrong or unhealthy about this.
There is also nothing wrong about being family oriented and wanting to keep to yourself and close family.
What is important is if you have had conversations surrounding this before and how expectations are being met or not met. What works for you may or may not work for someone else so only you can come up with your own solutions.
If you’ve never brought this up before and never established boundaries and expectations, and you want him to now stop hanging out with his friends, that isn’t fair.
Nope there has to be a balance and friends dont come before family or every weekend. Whats the point in saying you have a husband of hes always gone and no family time is prioritized. I mean for that you can do it alone. I chose to do it alone. For more reasons like also having to beg for shared bills. I signed up to take care of kids not a man who goes out every weekend some times during the week and you can’t contribute. Boy kick rocks.
Family should always come first but if he enjoys his time with his friends he should be allowed to have that as well. As long as its respectful of the family
If he is putting friends first, it won’t ever change. He will continue to put his friends first and guilt you any time you say anything. I hate to say it but you will either have to deal with being second to him or leave.
The way this is written, it seems like it is meant to indicate this is a typical thing. Every free moment you make it sound like he would rather be with them than even you or your kids. However, you have to stop and see if this is really the case or are you just annoyed because you want to be kid free too for a bit and you’re stuck at home while he has that freedom much longer than you. It isn’t healthy to be together 24/7. It sounds like you need to focus in a hobby of yours, you need a reason of your own to be out of the house once in a while. Work out a schedule with him and when his friends are over in your Home and he is staying put, he watches the kids with the friends there. But if this has been the norm since you have been with him, you aren’t going to change it…sorry.
He probably won’t change. Accept it or leave. Doing anything else will only make you miserable and resentful.
He’s cheating. Leave him.
10 years and you asking this??? Get a life by yourself, find friends or something that you can disconnect from the house and the marriage, I don’t think he is putting his family in second place considering that he is with them and his family together.
Men need friends. If hes gone all the time i can see an issue. But just bc u like sitting at home doesnt mean he should. Its sounds insecure and controlling. My husband works hard and doesn’t really spend a lot of time with his friends so when he wants to I say yes however we also have 4 kids so he doesn’t go out very often because it’s a lot to do for days on end by myself.
That gets old. He is a adult. He owes it to u to act like it. Common problem. U have to be adult enough for both of u so he can be a drunk child. When u get a gut full of it u will put a end to it. Collect 1 doller from every person that tells u that this should be ok. And u will be rich soon everyone has advise the question is. Are u done with the bull shit yet. Drinking will win every time. Ps better off alone
At least he has his friends at your house so you know what he’s doing! You can tell him that any mess they make is his responsibility to take care of. I eould think 1 or 2 nights a week would be enough friend time and the rest is dedicated to your family. But you need to have some lady friends you can hang out with. You can do that at your house or you could find a hobby you like and do that once a week and then you could have coffee and dessert one day with your girlfriends. Find some single gals to introduce to your hubby’s friends!!!
No offense. You sound like you need to get your own interests and friends outside of your marriage. You sound bored, lonely and maybe seem jealous of how he can allow himself to have friends he probably sees as family, Don’t Dis his “single friends” you might not even have any Idea what their day to day lives are like?
You each should have your own life here and there as well. You can’t let family consume all of you. You need to have friends as well. What happens when you are older and one of you passes. You have no one
I go to gym 2hrs a day to socialise with friends and have time away from my family and its good for me. I would expect my partner to be home for family birthdays and Christmas time, but other then that a bit of understating between each other goes a long way. Going out once and a while I dont see as a big deal. Not every weekend. Even though his friends sound like losers, just because you are anti social doesn’t mean he wants to be. I can’t stand being stuck in the house for more then a few days its bad for my mental health. I love catching up with friends when I can and having some time to myself.
Yes its wrong of you to expect or assume someone should be doing something they dont want to do. If he enjoys his friends and does not wish to put family first that is a personal choice. These things should of been discussed and agreed on before marriage and kids. If you’ve spoken about it and he prefers the lifestyle he has and you’re unhappy it is your choice to deal with it or move on