Okay, so I just had a baby. He’ll be a month old on the 18th. I have two kids from a previous relationship. My oldest is nine, and my second is 5. He cheated on me and had a baby with someone else even after that; I still kept in contact with him for my kid’s benefits. I thought we were trying to work things out before I ended up pregnant, but I realized he only wanted one thing. So before he found out that I was pregnant, he would always talk about me and our kids going out to ATL to visit him and how we can stay with him while we were down there. (He moved away and told me after he had touched down in ATL, he didn’t visit our kids before he left or anything.) After he found out that I was pregnant, he had blocked our oldest daughter’s phone number (she’s 8, she has a phone, so she can contact her father’s side of the family), and he had blocked my number. He started denying my girls, and he even told a lie to his family so that they wouldn’t look for my girls. I feel bad because my kids always ask for their brother, and whenever I text their grandmother (father’s mother) she won’t reply, or she’ll tell me to tell their father. I honestly want my kids to have a bond with their father’s son but he would constantly tell me to mind my own business regarding his child and that our girls don’t need to know anything about him. Am I wrong for telling my kids to stop bothering with their father’s side of the family? Yeah they have a bond with their new sibling but I feel like they should also have a bond with their siblings on their father’s side.
Considering they are basically blocking and ignoring the kids I’d say completely stop any contact with them. They don’t want to be involved then fine it’s their loss.
I think you’re in the right to tell them to stop. The fathers family don’t seem to give a toss. Better out of that toxic environment x
I would give up for now. Have you tried contacting the sibling’s mom. Not sure if she’s with the dad or not. The siblings can try contact again when older.
I would suggest giving up on the fathers family… Just explain to your kids that it is them (fathers family) that dont realise how amazing you guys are and that it is their loss… Unfortunately we cannot force a bond if its clear that they dont want it…
As a kid of a man who didn’t want me to be his kid I can tell you the best decision I ever made was never speaking to him or his family again. He isn’t worth my time if I wasn’t worth his.
They don’t seem to want anything to do with the kids, I would cut them out completely.
This is really sad and I especially feel bad for your kids but at this point I would have them end all communication…I would sit your kids down being completely honest about the situation and tell them to stop trying to contact them… behavior like this coming from their dad and his side of the family is damaging to kids so the sooner this stops the better… hang in there mama you’re doing the right thing
So my 3 older kids bd has 3 other kids he is raising and found out about another that is 4mo younger than my 3rd oldest …when they ask about the kid he tells them it’s none of their business …he has stopped calling etc my kids and has been in and out for 10yrs. My kids have basically wrote him off on their own now. I wish i wld have stopped contact a long time ago so they didnt have to go thru so much crap…emotionally it takes it’s toll
I would tell them that their numbers must have changed, but they know the kids phone number and they will reach out when they have a chance. Dont make it seem like you are the one that is stopping the contact. Keep the families numbers unblocked so they can reach out to you. But I wouldn’t be reaching out to his side of the family.
Why chase someone that doesn’t want to be caught? It’s far more damaging for your kids to have an unpredictable relationship than to have none at all. Hopefully he comes around. I’ve seen it happen. But until then, no trash talking, no drama, just close the door and move on.
Never put the responsibility of reaching out to family on a child! Let them grow to see who was there for them! Let his family contact you! I’ve been in this same situation, except my kids father passed away , and after that no one made sure they still had a relationship with our kids! I never pushed the issue. Love your babies ! They will see them self when they get older . As for the relationship with the sibling , unfortunately that’s not up to you . If you can reach out to the child’s mother , maybe go from there . Don’t make it a personal thing, just tell her your kids would like to see there sibling. It’s a hard situation. I wish you luck!
As an adult who was that kid, let them go. Tell your babies that it’s not their fault and that for whatever reason that family isn’t calling them or coming to see about them so it’s okay for them to stop trying. My son and youngest daughter go through this and my foster son only had interaction with bio mother and the father and his family can see about the child the same as she does. Some people just aren’t right.
It’s tough. You can tell them to stop all you want but they will want to continue to try. Allow them to continue to try, that way, you won’t seem like the bad guy and they will eventually figure it out on their own. They don’t understand quite yet, but they will. Then, that way you can honestly say you didn’t stop them and they can say they tried. They’ll give up on their own. As hard as it may be to see their disappointment, that’s how they’ll learn. Moments like this are teaching moments.
You never said that his side of the family won’t answer your daughter’s phone calls? If so, then let it go. If not , continue to let them call his family.
I wouldn’t tell the oldest one to stop or she may end up resenting you and blaming you. Unfortunately she’s gonna have to come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want a relationship with him herself. With that said I’d tell them it’s not their fault and if the dad or the family wants to call them then fine. But it’s not the child’s responsibility
Put on rest for now , when your kids get other can handle it the was they see fit .
A child should NEVER have to reach out to family! It’s sad that children are put through this! When adults have favouritism for children it’s wrong and disgusting!
Sometimes children are better off without people like that in their lives.
Listen my children have been through a lot in there life’s. I never bad mouthed their father or in law’s. I let them find out the truth and form there own opinion. My children are grown and have families of there own. My daughter wanted to move in with her father and finish high school. He told her that he had no use for her. Present day he had asked her if he could live with her. She told him no she had no room for her. Karma does come back to them. I told our children that I could not make their father love them or do right by them. That was all I said about their father. My door was always open to my ex and his family to come visit and see them and my children knew that I did nothing to keep them away. I know it’s hard for them to come to terms with things but it is better they find it out on there own then you telling them they don’t want anything to do with them. Good luck and God bless.
I wouldn’t tell the kids that you don’t want them to contact their family. They may become resentful and think that you’re the one keeping them from the family. The kids are going to be hurt by that family no matter what at this point. But it’s important to not be the one to prevent the relationship. The kids will figure out on their own and come to their own conclusions.