Is it wrong to stay away from my own family?

Ever since I had my own family and own place, my own mom and family that lives with her barely put in the effort to see us. My nana is the only one that can barely get around, but everyone else is healthy as a horse and can come to see us. I used to take my kids over every weekend, but I noticed they wouldn’t put in effort in, so I stopped going over. Plus, every time we did go over, they were just so negative bout everything I talked about, as well as drama all the time. Whenever I do go over to visit out of the blue. My family is always asking my kids, “why do mama and daddy keep you away?” “Why don’t you come to see me?” Does my mom have any right to try and pick up my kids and take them for the day? I want her to visit more often and consistently before I let her take the kids anywhere.

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Why not just tell her that? Why not invite them over for dinner?

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Why does it have to be a certain way for her to see the kids. Why not have pick them up. Is she a drunk does she do drugs?

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I’m so lost on what the actual question is. Are you asking if it’s wrong to cut them out? Is your mom trying to pick them up for the day and you want to tell her no? I thought your issue was her no putting in effort? Then when she tries to put in effort you want to tell her no? Maybe it’s just the way this is worded but I am so confused

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You have every right to have them put in effort. I stopped taking my kids to visit family cause they never talk to me unless I call first so I stopped putting in effort and nobody talked to me on almost 3 months. Sometimes you need to put distance and boundaries in place in order for them to get the hint

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Im so confused… so, you want to cut them out for not making effort to see the kids but then when she tries to pick them up for the day to bond with them you dont want that either? :thinking:

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They have no right to be questioning your children about adult issues. I would definitely have a problem with that alone…and that would be why I had a problem with them coming to get the kids before that issue was put to rest.

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I don’t think any reasoning is needed, it’s your family you do whatever you want. They can come visit if they want and I understand not just wanting them to take the kids if the kids are not comfortable with them. Like I said your choice who cares what anyone else thinks.

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I would just be straight forward with them and I sure as hell wouldn’t tolerate them running their mouth to children about adult matters.

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you are a grown up, right??? Why are you asking us , if it’s OK for your mom to pick your kids up for a day & take them …anywhere??? If you are not happy with what is going on, how they talk to your kids or you, then use your brain & tell her no !!!

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If your mom is asking to pick up your kids that would be her putting in effort. I understand how you feel though a lot of my family is the same way. They only want to see us if we come to them and it gets old. You’re not wrong for not wanting to try anymore. But it sounds like your mom is trying by asking to pick them up. Just have an honest conversation with your mother. Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding.

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This is confusing…You say in their home there is drama but you’re mad they dont come to YOUR home? You already see the toxicity and manipulation. You are free from the dysfunction…Not all family is good family…

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You should feel blessed to have a family that wants to see you. It sure gets lonely when they’re gone. Hindsight is 20/20, you’ll wish you’d put your differences behind you and soaked up every minute with your family!

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You are living exactly what I’ve been through. My kids are now 11 & 16 and do not have much of a relationship with their grandparents. Their dad’s parents live across the country and they talk more than my parents that are 25 min away.
My parents now have a lake home and the couple times we’ve gone has been too stressful for them to return. My mom is on them about everything.
When my kids were little my mom said the same thing about me not bringing them to see her. When I divorced and moved back to the same town, they made the same amount of effort- zero.
The thing is, I had amazing grandparents and that was my expectation of my parents. The difference was that my parents still had kids at home when they became grandparents. But nonetheless the effort was always one sided and I was too blame.
I’ve stopped putting value on the relationship and in turn it’s become easier for me to handle.

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I get where you are coming from. My parents are toxic, and due to recent events my husband and I finally just said no more. I’ve stopped responding to nosey texts, ive stopped trying all together. I used to try to call just to talk and see how they were doing but they treated me as if I was a disturbance and an interruption and a bother. They live less than 2 blocks away and make no efforts or attempts to see their grandkids, yet their entire reason for moving into the house 2 blocks away was to supposedly be closer to my kids and be able to babysit. Im now out of a job because I cannot work because I can’t afford childcare because she refuses to watch them. I don’t think you are wrong to cut them out. If they are a negative in your life and bring nothing positive to your life, do not feel bad. I dont allow my parents or my grandma (whole nother drama situation) to take my kids anywhere now, and I used to when one was a baby and the other wasn’t even thought of yet lol, but now they can’t. Not because I don’t trust them or whatever, but because I’m sick of them caring when its convenient for them. My kids don’t miss out on anything because of it. If my mom was to text me saying she wants to take my kid to zoo or something imma tell her ass no and take my child myself, when I plan the day, and if she wants to enjoy my child she can make time in her schedule to come with us and put some effort in. Sorry not sorry. Just like I cant chose when to be a mom. You can’t chose to ignore and push away your own child and grandchildren and then turn around and act as though everything is ok and you have all rights.

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Same here I don’t even talk to my family anymore haven’t for two years honestly a lot less bs and drama and my kids aren’t being put on the back burned with family that could careless about them I decided not to force any kind of relationship and it was the busy choice ever !

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Ask them to come over one weekend then you go over the following weekend

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I think if it bothers u that much then just don’t go over there. My family was the same way, I was always the one to go over to visit with my kids. I liked the company of my family tho, in your case you say they r always negative. Like I said… if you r bothered that much then just stay away for a while and if they ask about the kids tell them to come see them then.

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No you are the mom I had an issue with this with some of my family I quit going over as much now we take turns that’s what it’s suppose to be and Noone picks up my kids that’s your choice

You can’t make family do what they don’t want to do. My family lives in Canada. We’re in Illinois. My brother in law and his family live 20 minutes away. I used to put in a lot of effort when his kids were little. I have a daughter who is now 14. They never call or visit her. She’s not close to her cousins. My father in law lives 2 blocks away from us and he only comes over for birthdays or holidays. My mother in law is 3 miles from us. We see her a little more. My mom is in Canada. My daughter asks why gramma doesn’t like to talk to her when she calls. I don’t know why. It used to bother me that my daughter was hurt because of that. We’re both over it. Out of sight, out of mind.

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