Please reword if I say too much, as I don’t know how to put in words. I was wondering if anyone had a young kid, 5 yrs or younger, lose their father to alcohol. Basically drank himself to death, and we divorced when I couldn’t help him get sober and stay sober, couldn’t go thru it anymore. I left in April, divorce final in October, last saw his son on Halloween, and March, he died. He would call him to come to see him, and he wouldn’t answer. Now my son, even 2 yrs later, still thinks that he is not enough for anyone, a bad kid, no one likes him, talks a lot about death. Some of his friend’s parents don’t want their kids around him because he talks about death and how drinking is bad. He will take things out in me, lose his cool and just go into this negative dark hole for about an hour. Then later is sorry, mom I love you. Counselors say it’s normal because I am the safe place. But it is so hard. Any advice?
I think he needs to be around kids as much as possible and not have to worry abt adult problems…him talking abt it is his way of grieving ,its a sad reality , I wouldnt suggest counseling …bc then he will think he has problems…he just is a normal kid grieving I think …surround yourselves both with love and happiness and keep on going
Definitely keep him in regular weekly counseling and continue to be is safe place. Work on positive affirmations that he is a good kid, he is enough, and that death is a part of life but doesn’t need to be focused on all the time.
Maybe check your community for Alakid programs. I think locally for me they start around 6.
Involve him in sports so he can make new friends and continue with counseling
I think he needs someone he can relate too. Be careful about putting him around people and other kids who will make him feel like an outsider. They have big brother programs. Im not saying he NEEDS a constant positive male role model, but it would help in this situation tremendously. Especially if they can learn to address some of his negative emotions. I highly recommend team exercises and sports. And let him honor the memory of his dad the way he wants as long as it is not destructive. Dont make him feel like he is not allowed to, he just has to channel all that grief somewhere. You can not bear all of it.
Nar-anon is a group similar to AA and NA but its for the family rather than the addict. Im sure there are online meetings, there are for all the anonymous programs. Being around other people who have gone thru the same thing and having an outlet may help both of you
Get him into therapy ASAP!
Yes he definitely needs counseling. So sad how he lost his dad like that. He needs to understand death . He knows alot about this for such a young boy. Us as mom’s try but need help with matters like this. Get him to a therapist that can help. Keep him busy. do this now that he is still young.God bless and don’t give up!
If you already have him in therapy then also try a group therapy. Because he needs social interaction it sounds like. And if a lot of his time is spent at 1:1 therapy then it may only worsen. Sounds like he needs both. And maybe a camp/play group atmosphere like YMCA
Your son is trying to process a series of bad events in his short life. First he had an alcoholic father. I bet there were a lot of events involved with that that he doesn’t understand. Then your seperation. Dad’s abandonment. Then his death. That’s a lot for an an adult to endure. Too much for him. Get a good counselor. Please don’t let this slide & think he’ll figure it out. It’ll affect him forever if he doesn’t get help now.
There is a program called alanon that helps loved ones understand alcoholism and learn it’s not their fault etc
You are his safe place. He knows that no matter how he acts YOU will love him and keep him safe.
Daily affirmations…choose them together. I am handsome. I am LOVED. I am honest. I am a great friend. I am the greatest son…constant positives to keep him in the light. sending so much love to you both and positive energy You both will get through this. XxX
My situation is very similar to yours except my son lost his dad when he was four to drugs. I commend you on having your child in counseling I feel it will help him tremendously in the long run. The anger toward you is normal your his safety zone. My son is now 13 and still has a difficult time some days easier than others just be supportive and keep up with the counseling.
Aww hunny! Get him into counseling. And if your near PA he is more then welcome to come play with my son anytime!
Keep up the counseling. Have a heart to heart with him. Let him know that you love him, unconditionally, and that whatever happened with his father was nobody’s fault but his own. Try to find him someone he can relate to even. Maybe some kind of group for kids.
I also think groups will be helpful. He needs to feel understood. He’s taking about it constantly probably hoping someone, anyone can help. I’m glad you’re seeking help early. My 14 year old has these same feelings though his father didn’t pass he just disappeared. Several times. And chose partying over his kids for years. I mean still does. I left when my son was 3. He struggles with relating to others and anger processing. I wish i had gotten him help as a toddler even. He didn’t get help in time. Your son is still little and with the tools he’s acquiring he will be a well adjusted little man. Its never easy but when you add trauma life is always harder to handle. Good luck guys.
Get him into grief counseling.
Keep him in counseling and maybe try to find him a male mentor.
We have a very similar situation with our 13 year old daughter, technically my stepdaughter but I refuse to call her that. Her bio mother chose her new husband & drugs. Then just dropped out of her life, combine that with the abuse bio-mom inflicted on her since she was born, emotional abuse, and other things… she’s been a train wreck since we got custody 4 years ago. She too has violent fits and attacks those around her. It’s sad to see she was recently put on medication to help her get through each day. We do day by day, she has cards to work through, we also do the positive statements, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are important, you can do it… sending you lots of love! You can do this