Is my friend being unreasonable about this situation?

My best friend’s mom passed away a few months ago, and the burial service is coming up, and it’s in my home town, 4hrs away. The original plan was to have my daughter stay home, and her father watches her, but he is working, and unable to, and everyone I’ve asked back home is either busy or away. I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it because I have my daughter, and it just didn’t seem fair to her to drive 8hrs in 2 days and sit in the heat for the service, all while having no help. I was trying to be respectful of the service and didn’t want my daughter screaming and running around too, but my friend said I was pulling the “baby card” and that she will remember this… I get it’s a hard time for her, but I feel like she’s very unreasonable. Thoughts?

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How old is your daughter?

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If she is your best friend you should go no matter what!

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Her emotions are raw. I understand your choice and her perspective.
She may not can see your perspective due to her own grief right now.

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Sounds like she just needs a friend to be there for her…i can’t imagine what she’s going through. She’s probably been excited to see you too and thats probably bothering her as well!!

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Kinda agree with the friend. If your daughter is old enough to “run around”, 8 hours in a car over a 2 day period won’t hurt her… and neither will the heat. Keep her hydrated, wear sunscreen, and minimal clothing. Lots of parents do these things without “help”… you’ll live. Your friend lost her mother, suck it up and be there for her.

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Your bf needs you…you should be there. Not just when it’s convenient for you

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Her mom just died. Don’t take the anger personally.

I’ve been driving my daughter half way to her dads out since she was 5 months old. It’s a 6 hour round trip. Longer with her, but it’s not impossible. Depending on the age, tablets are truly life savers.

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How olds your daughter?
Also, did you tell your friend? By that I mean, did you tell her the situation and ask what her thoughts are on it. Whether she would mind your daughter being there or not. If she would rather you bring your daughter along so you can be there to support her - or did you just say “I can’t because no one will watch my daughter?”

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Your friend needs you. Maybe look in to a drop in childcare for your daughter or see if someone knows anyone that can babysit her during the funeral. A death of a parent is hard and your emotions are in hyperdrive. Do your best to go . If you absolutely can’t make it be there for her through any contact possible.

If she’s old enough to run around i think she can handle an 8 hour drive over the course of two days, your best friend needs you now more than anything

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If it was important to you then you would suck it up and take your daughter.

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Sorry but this sounds like the mom that can’t take their kid to the store because they don’t have help. If it’s important, you need to go and take your kid. Unless she has special needs there is no reason she can’t hang in there for a little road trip.

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My friend drives 5 hours one way every 2nd weekend to drop her kids off to their dads, so no offence, 4 hours one way for a one off trip shouldn’t be an issue, especially with only one child, my friend has 4, including a toddler and baby now. I’d have a real hard think about what your friendship means to you, because she needs you, and if you don’t show up because ‘its not fair in my daughter’, she may not forgive you, you’ll go on trips longer then that in your life, this shouldn’t be any different.

You’re in the wrong! Find a sitter while her father works and then he can take care of her while he’s home.

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Suck it up and deal with the kid if you can’t find a sitter…

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I get what you’re saying but if my best friends mom died I would be there.

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My dad just passed June 4th, my husband had to work and I had to travel 7 hours (my daughter has been doing this trip every year since 3 years old) and I needed him, I was there Thursday night (on the 4th) Friday I was a complete wreck, Saturday I just couldn’t do it and begged my husband to come (he did and then dealt with work stuff) she really truly needs you to get through this process. If your the only person she asked for don’t let anything stop you. She’s going through a lot of emotions.

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I’d be there no matter what. She needs you. I can’t imagine losing my mother and having to wait 4months to bury her.

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I’m going to be the odd one out and say not EVERYONE can afford to pay a sitter or drop in daycare. My best friend lives 4 hours away, and when her father passed away last year I didn’t go for the funeral. I love my friend but my children are more important.

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