“How do you deal with your partner who does not meet you intellectually? I really feel like I’m getting dumber as a result. Don’t bash me, please. I just love my husband so much, but we are not even close in the range of intelligence or education. This used to not bother me, but lately is getting so tiresome to have these watered-down conversations about nothing when there’s a whole world to explore and learn about. He doesn’t want to learn anything new; he has no interest in getting smarter.”
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“I get it. I’ve been with men with lesser intelligence and felt like I was beating my head against a wall. But you can’t expect people to rise to meet your expectations. He shouldn’t have to “get smarter” to please you. But at the same time…if you just can’t live with the feeling of needing to bang your head against a wall cause nothing gets through …maybe you’re just not a good match.”
“Okay, there’s multiple forms of intelligence. You may be book smart but lack in other intelligence. My bf never went to college and I did. That doesn’t mean I’m smarter. I’m just more knowledgeable in a different area. My bf can teach me things about electricity, mechanics, woodworking etc.”
“Listen I can do book work with the best of them and even got to take college classes early because I was so advanced, it doesn’t matter. You love someone for who they are. My husband was a special education student who now has completed three degrees and is very successful. I literally have zero degrees because I chose to raise our children. That man made straight F’s & is one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever met. He’s a jack of all trades. We aren’t supposed to be just alike to be able to communicate with one another. Education does not define someone’s intelligence.”
“I can kinda understand this. I will probably get hate too but meh. My ex-husband and I would stay up late having friendly debates, and researching stuff together, and always ready to learn more. We both taught each other so much, always open to new concepts, and new ideas new information. I enjoy being challenged, in opinion or practical knowledge. I think we should always be willing to further our knowledge base. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who wasn’t willing to learn or research everything and anything, it would drive me crazy. I like to look at everything as a learning opportunity. We still get on well and we still have good conversations.
Degrees don’t equal intelligence.”
“First off, intelligence is not based off of education. You can have a genius IQ and no degree. Secondly, you sound like you think you are superior to your partner. You leaving him will probably be the best thing that has ever happened to him in the long run.”
“Does hubby work a full time job and help take care of a household? The man could be tired.”
“You need to open your mind as to what you consider intelligence…he may not be very academically inclined but is he people smart? Street smart? Mechanically smart? Etc.”
"Just because he doesn’t know exactly what you know doesn’t mean he is not intellectual!! My husband works with Hazmat- and loves comic books, he is smarter when it comes to those things and I am a pre K teacher and am knowledgeable in Early Childhood and 90s boy bands. That doesn’t mean he is smarter and vise versa. Don’t be mean! My heart would ache if my husband posted this about me!
“You basically did just say your better then him though. The way your thinking about it… instead maybe try to see the good that he brings to the table, instead of thinking about what he doesn’t have. You really just can’t force those things.”
“As a rule of thumb, you either grow together, or grow apart, nothing wrong with that, it’s just reality. Don’t bash yourself for out growing someone, if they aren’t willing to grow with you and are happy staying where they were years ago when you met them and not changing a bit, let them stay where they are. Never stunt your growth for anyone. I think love is wonderful, but you can love him as a friend and not a life partner, people out grow people all the time, it’s just a shame when it is your spouse. Don’t feel guilty for living your life, just as he doesn’t feel guilty for not growing, he’s content where he is and that’s ok for him, it doesn’t have to be ok with you. Only you can make the changes you need to make yourself as happy and fulfilled in this life as you possibly can. Do just that.”
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