I need some advice on something. I have been with my husband for ten years (off and on until 2012), married since 2013, had a baby in 2016, and have lived in CA, AZ, and now NV. Since we met, my husband has always been a bit aloof in the affection department. I’ve always been mostly ok with it. After we had our daughter, it lessened even more. We’ve been through a lot of stuff in a short amount of time. But recently lime this year, 2020, it is becoming harder and harder to love him. I just recently have started seeing how one-sided our relationship really is. He works from home in real estate. I was working 9-5 until a week ago. Now I’m home all day. He isn’t willing to put in work in those apps like “lasting” nor to speak with a marriage counselor. When I try to talk to him, he gets defensive and tells me that we “are meant to be so there is nothing to worry about.” Um yeah, there is. I’ve put on 50 pounds just emotionally eating. I’m exhausted from all of the stress. I’m not setting a good example for our daughter (other four kids are grown& on their own). I’m looking for advice on how to get him to talk to me. Or how to get this marriage back on track before I say I’m done here. Thank you so much in advance.
Doubtful it will work out.Had that too lasted 19 yrs and got out
Honey do what is best for you and your daughter. If he isn’t there emotionally then just start a new chapter in your life.
Don’t blame the eating on you’re marriage problems
“Meant to be” is a copout. This is the catchall for not wanting to put the work into a relationship. Be open with him. Tell him you’re not happy and need things to change. He either will or he won’t and that will inform your next steps.
I think if you’re unhappy with yourself it will never work because you’re bringing negative energy to the table to begin with. And you should be able to communicate after that long, so at this point I’d say its beating a dead horse.
Dont settle! If he cannot communicate with you, why continue? You are worth so much more than that, and so is your daughter. There are men out there who will be what you need, why settle. I was with my ex 20 years, I got sick, Lupus, and he didnt help me at all. Was making me sicker… it’s ok to start over and find happiness!
Take some time to work on yourself!!! If you aren’t happy with yourself you will not be happy with anyone else.
Sometimes it’s better to walk away! If he doesn’t want to see a marriage counselor or help make things right there is nothing you can do! Will pray for you! Remember it takes two to make a marriage work!
My advice, having been here myself…take a trip, by yourself…a couple of days or a couple of months…if he doesn’t come to you and make it right, start seeing a therapist once a week for a year (because EVERYONE should see a therapist once a week for at least a year…it’s food for your mind)…continue to treat him well, the way you would want to be treated, regardless of the outcome…and before doing any of this…take a few minutes to be thankful for these thorns that come as a package deal with our roses🌹
If he is a good provider, a good Dad, doesn’t cheat, lie or abuse you, he’s a good man so quit thinking the grass is greener and instead of finding fault look at all the positives.
Unfortunately this happens alot in marriages at first u have so much to talk about so much to share then it’s like a novelty its wears off. If all he can tell u is were meant to be and the idea of counselling is not in the cards u say u cant live like this anymore? Well you’ve said u said u were off n on for years well this sends messages that your willing to take him back and hes used to that. I cant tell u what to do do what u feel is right good luck my dear
Sounds like he’s always been this way and you’re just now becoming unsettled by it. I was married to what I called an “emotional robot.” He just didn’t understand emotion and that he needed to expressive in his love for me. I eventually divorced him and that opened his eyes…but we’ve both moved on. Tell your hubby like it is. Marriage counselling. Get emotion and affection into your marriage or it will be over soon. Go from there. But he needs his eyes opened at least.
I’ve been with my husband for 38 years, and there are many times for me and him have fell out of love together and fallen in love together❤ that’s what being married is! When I had feelings of not wanting to love him or to be with him because I felt he didn’t bother. I would work on my self to get some self Esteem back and know my worth. Then my husband would start paying attention to me. I would Initiate things to do together. Sometimes I would do crazy wife stuff (Romantic things) to get him in the mood with me.
Marriage is work are you willing to make it work over and over again!
Focus on yourself, fall in love with yourself. Remember yourself before you met him. Get into you. I guarentee you he will fall in love with you too because your not focusing on him. He’s use to you focusing on him . His silly butt will probably think you’re getting beautiful for someone else. He probably will never have a clue that you’re doing it for you.
Life is too short.Move on and be happy
Many humans in this world get on whith life
Did you have “for better or for worse” in your vows? That means dont quit if things are not going perfectly. There are deal breakers, infidelity or violence for example, but this sounds like just a rut. Work on you, not him. Marraige vows are the biggest promise that people make, dont break that promise over something so trivial.
It takes two to tango…he has to want to change…if he doesnt you have two choices…accept him as he is or leave.
If he doesn’t want to work on it, there’s not much you can do. Marriage needs to be a partnership and he’s not interested in doing his part.