It's been years but I still fear my childs bio dad will try to take her from me: Advice?

I got pregnant as a teenager with an abusive boyfriend. Being pregnant finally gave me the courage actually to leave the relationship and go back home. Well, I fell in love, got married, and now have four kids altogether. Every day I still suffer from PTSD and anxiety about my baby’s biological father somehow finding me and taking the child away. My husband has loved my child as his own since before my child was even born. My baby is now almost 8. Yet I still live in fear over the whole situation. I have nightmares. I wake up crying, screaming, in sweats. My husband is the only father my child has ever known, and my husband has wanted to make things official for years. But I’m afraid the bio dad will get involved and want custody, and my child be taken into a home/environment that they’ve never known. I’m so scared. Advice? Also, the bio dad is not on the birth certificate, but he is aware he has a child with me. He has not contacted me in 5-6 years.

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If he does file for.custody he could get visits even tho it’s been so long. That would.depend on how the judges in your area are tho. I understand your fear but unless he gives up.his rights.your husband cant “adopt” her as his.

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Step parent adoption, with service by publication. Talk to an attorney about it. :heart: and hugs.

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Get your ducks in a row legally. Go speak with a family attorney about your options before you file anything. Sometimes paperwork that’s filed cant be taken back and the court may contact the bip dad for you.

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Is he on the birth certificate? Have your husband adopt her.

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At this point if he’s made no attempt for contact or anything else that’s abandonment so. Go to the court and ask what can be done.

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It would be a very long uphill battle for him, that he would likely lose anyway don’t worry my dear. I sweetly suggest therapy to talk to a prof about this, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with these thoughts and feelings <3

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Talk to an attorney about alllll this. It may be considered abandonment where you live and him not being on the BC will probably help.

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Is he listed on the birth certificate? Does the ex boyfriend know about the baby? Its been 8 yrs, he would definitely have to prove WHY he never saw the baby if he knew about him! BUT they definitely wouldnt just give him visitation or anything!

He’s been absent over a year, you can have his rights terminated with or without his approval at this point to start the process of legal adoption for your husband

Have your husband adopt her

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I just went threw something similar to this. With him not being listed on the birth certificate all you have to do is state the father is unknown and your husband would legally be allowed to adopt her. Since it’s been so many years you don’t have to send notice or anything to the ex just when filling out the papers just state that her father is unknown. And yes this is exactly what a lawyer has advised me to do

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See a counselor and possibly consider medication for mental health (PTSD) and just leave well enough alone and live your life and don’t contact an ex just to stir the pot.

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If there is no father on her birth certificate he can sign an afidavit saying he is her father (their is a clause saying if you know the child is not biologically yours you are still responsible for them by signing this) and then bio dad cant do anything about it

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Get legal peace of mind… you need to protect your child and it can really help with the bad dreams and worries. Good luck and I hope you can start to recover from this. :sparkling_heart:

Him not being on the birth certificate is really the father’s loop hole to any abandonment claims. All father has to do is file a paternity hearing, say they was together she left 7 years later he realized he mite have a child. Go to court tell them he didn’t know the child was his she left got married never gave father a chance to be a dad and he will get his rights to said child. Most likely Nothing in regards to over night or days at a time from the beginning but not out of the question

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Is your husband name on the child’s birth certificate? If it is blank why not just have your husband put on it.

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It would cost him $50,000 to do that. Or more. I really don’t see that happening. Even visitation.

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Wanting visitation and custody would also bring a financial responsibility for him. Do you think he wants that? If he is aware of the child and wanted a relationship, where has he been all these years? The only way out is through, and you have the support of your husband. What better time than now to to take the steps to remove him from the picture entirely? Your husband would not allow this man to abuse you, you do not have as much to fear as you are thinking.

Adoption will help with the security. But you need to talk to a counselor to start healing.