I've been told I need to let my baby self soothe: Thoughts?

I’ve been told that I need to stop running to my baby the moment he cries and to stop sleeping with him for his comfort and to let him be more independent. The hard thing for me is to allow him to do that, and I feel like with being a new mum I find it as though I am neglecting my children needs to be comforted if I am told to ignore it if it’s just for cuddles or wanting to be picked up. My question is, what are the negative effects of not letting your child self soothe? And if you did let then become Independent, what was the hardest thing you had to teach yourself?

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Depends on the age. .y personal opinion is not before 10 months.

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My parents co-slept with me til I was 5. My mom let me self soothe as an infant but the majority of the time, she didnt wait too long, if I hadn’t stopped crying in 10 to 15 min she came to me. My step sons are 10 and 11 and sometimes they still want me to sleep with them. I am super independent, have been since 18, I was 12 when my little brother came and we let him self soothe, hes 15 now, super independent, as well as intelligent.We both have quite high I.Q’s, he plays hockey. My parents are very loving, and expressive people. They also allowed us to “march to our own drum.” It honestly depends on preference and the babies personality. Every kid is different. Good luck mama!!!

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Baby…independent? What? :flushed:
Comfort your baby all you want. Why would you let your baby cry?

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Depends on age and what exactly they are waiting/needing. Before 2yrs old, no. Don’t let them cry it out in general. They don’t have any other way of communicating wants and needs. Could be hungry, tired, too hot or cold, sick, nervous, ect. Co-sleeping is a tricky subject and most people are either fully for or fully against. So, that’s on you to choose if you want baby in bed with you or if you need your space

No momma you dont have to let the baby self soothe at a young age, i personally waited until my son was a year old before we started doing that. You are doing the right thing comforting your baby and snuggling with his mom only strengthens yalls bond, again i waited until my son was a year old before i started letting him sleep on his own in the room with me.

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If ur bubba doesn’t settle after a few gurgles and groans, go and get him,
Soothe him and get him back to sleep if you can… im no expert, but I really have mixed opinions on self settling / controlled crying at infant age

I didn’t do cry it out until my oldest was over one. It wasn’t just let him cry either. First night was 2 minutes then gradually increase. I would even just sit beside his crib sometimes when I knew he didn’t need anything.
I really don’t think it’s healthy emotionally for them to cry it out my youngest is 13 months and I wait w couple minutes and if hes still crying I go see. Sometimes he just falls asleep after a few minutes.

I am a little old fashioned however if I knew mynbaby was fed and was comfortable I’d let her cry cause I knew she was tired but if her crying got worse then obviuosly there was some discomfort and cuddling was needed use your own discretion is the best option


Isn’t your job as a parent to be nurturing? I never understood the letting them cry it out people. They are babies. Not manipulative adults


Self soothing for reasons like the child was told no not to play with something due to not being safe let them cry a little bit they soon will be able to move on. If baby crying for unknown reasons maybe the world is scary at the level their on it won’t harm a child to be held and soothed it helps them to learn to soothe and one day they’ll be 14 not needing you for cuddles… if bed sharing is the plan then do what you want and not everyone needs to know the plan for your children.

You do what you feel is right. Don’t let other people tell you what you need to be doing. That’s your child.


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Go with your gut. Self soothing is learned in time. I think our littles need as much comfort and security as we can give them.

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I once let my son cry it out and he almost fell out of his crib and cried in his sleep even when I was holding him. That memory still breaks my heart and my son is 21. You do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby.

Enjoy your babies and give them all your love . when they get older they will want some independence and you will feel a little left out but that’s all about being a mom I don’t think it’s good for you to sleep with your baby there have been to many accidents that have been due to rolling over on your baby


They don’t learn independence, they learn no one is coming and give up. They cry for a reason, the world’s a pretty scary place when you’re little. I’m all for comforting, regardless of the time. Being a mum doesn’t stop at night

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No! Self soothing comes after being soothed hundreds, thousands of times. It comes after the security of knowing you are there. Soothe and comfort that baby

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No you shouldn’t stop. Its his only way of communicating with you. Yes other people’s advice can be good and helpful but you know your child best.

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I never let my babies cry. They are babies. They are tiny, brand new, and helpless. It’s literally my job to take care of them and tend to their needs when they are BABIES. What they need is to feel loved and secure.