So my husband lately has been like super paranoid I’m going to leave him when I get enough money to. But I have never once given him a reason to think that. I don’t talk to anyone, our marriage is great, we have a wonderful life together with four beautiful babies, we just bought our first home, and I never even once mentioned or thought about ever leaving him. It all started when I started working. He’d mention little jokes here and there. But now that I’m going to be working for a company making four times what I make now, he’s been making comments almost every day about how one day when I have thousands of dollars saved up in my account I’m just going to leave with the kids and never come back. I’ve tried reassuring him over and over again that I would never do that. And when I start making more money that I’m going to spoil him and our kids like crazy. I would be making enough to where I can pay for all of our bills and our mortgage, and he can save his paychecks for the fun stuff. But he swears I’m going to leave him. He said yesterday, “it’s not of IF you do it’s WHEN you do” I’m at a loss here because I have never done anything to give him a reason to doubt it, nor do I want to leave him. I hate when he just leaves for work because we are apart, and he knows that. I’m not a materialistic person either. I don’t want things I only want my life with him, and he knows it, but it’s like it’s too good to be true for him. I am his first everything, first girlfriend, kiss, relationship, etc., so I know it’s not because of his past with trust issues. I’m just at a loss here. I don’t get where these feelings are coming from. The look on his face when he says these things are like he’s really worried but trying to hide it. Our sex life is great, and I’m even losing weight to be better for him, not anyone else, and he still thinks I’m going to leave him.
If he doesn’t think his is good enough for you he will always be like that. He is insecure about himself. Maybe he should see a therapist.
Sounds to me that he might be insecure about you making more money. Some men find that threatening for some reason. Communication is key here to understand, respect and help him deal with his feelings. It’s more about how he feels about himself than anything else. Perhaps individual and couples therapy could help work through it.
Is he doing something he’s feeling guilty about?
He is threatened, he is used to being the sole provider and you are coming in and doing that even if you don’t mean to but you are in his eyes just by making more. He will not tell you this is the reason that’s why you are getting the snide remarks. I would set him down and put it point-blank but also address that the remarks have to stop because they will get worse.
Some men deal with their masculinity differently. Keep up the love and positive responses to him. He will get used to the difference in roles eventually. You got this
Men are very insecure
Most men can’t handle women’s success, he’s intimidated and jealous.
He is either cheating or considering it, you tell him to grow up or if he wanna leave he should do so and stop accusing you.
Flip the script on him
Get into counseling together and see what’s the root of the problem. Men nowadays get harassed and bullied HARD if they aren’t the breadwinner. Ignore the toxic people here who are saying jealousy/cheating/etc.
If you have no reason to suspect him of these things, don’t get it into your mind. Ask him what he needs to squish that anxiety. Ask him if anyone has made comments.
Tell him to keep putting that in your head… He will speak it into existence and cry at the end.
I was married to THREE cheaters. Guess what one of the biggest signs is??? This. When they start paying more attention and doing weird stuff, prob cheating.
Smh tell him the only way he will be right is if he keeps pushing you away by saying stupid shit like this
He’s upset you’re making more than him. He’s trying to manipulate you into quitting whether he realizes it or not. You can sit him down and try to talk to him but my guess is he’ll probably stay insecure about it. Don’t let him talk you out of an awesome opportunity
You got a promotion, losing weight and are becoming more financially secure. He’s threatened and intimidated, that’s all. Do things that you need his help with. Even if you are bullshitting. It’s sad but men have super fragile egos and it sounds like you bruised his. Let him feel masculine with something for you, it’s always worked for me
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Even if you can pay all the bills yourself…dont. let him pay the mortgage. You pay other stuff…and have equal say about what happens with savings. Right or wrong…you being the provider is a blow to his sense of worth in. This relationship.
Hes insecure. Its normal when something changes. I got like this when I found out I was pregnant, it triggered fear that my husband would leave since thats how my ex was. Distanced and left. He needs reassurance and possible counseling.
He’s intimidated by your success and probably feels like less of a man but that is NOT your problem. Do not lessen yourself. Your partner should encourage growth not the opposite. Have a talk with him and if he cant get on board then move on.
Love Dare, counceling just to reassure communication
He Seems insecure and threatened by your new found success. My husband is saying as a man they feel their job is to provide and it gives them pleasure in doing that for their families. It’s a feeling of fulfillment. So when your going to be able to provide plus some it probably makes him feel worthless in a way. I would just tell him to relax and enjoy this new journey life is taking you on. And that hes still just as important no matter what he makes. But giving up the " head of household" for a man can really sting the ego. I think his ego has taken a big hit. He will see in time your not going to leave and hopefully it will ease up his insecurities.