Life has been a struggle lately and I really need advice: Help?

I am really struggling and need some kind words and advice. I had my baby earlier this year, and my husband and I worked really hard so that I would be able to stay home with our baby…something that I always wanted to do. I always wanted to be a mother and counted down the days until we could have a baby. Well fast forward, and I got pretty bad PPD coupled with a baby that has severe reflux, the last few months have been anything but a dream. I felt myself pulling out of the fog, and then the unthinkable happened, and our home was ruined by a natural disaster. Luckily, we didn’t own the home, but we lost 95% of our belongings. Since then, nothing has gone our way, seriously not one positive thing has happened to our family in months, it’s just one hit after another. We have been trying to purchase a home, but financially, we were just getting by, and so now it looks like I will have to go back to work, and I am REALLY struggling with it. I know it’s a reality for a lot of people, but it sucks so bad that we worked hard to make a stay at home parent a reality, and it was forcibly ripped from us due to circumstances beyond our control. Needless to say, my PPD is in overdrive, and I am becoming physically ill with stress and worry. We are staying with family, and so we won’t even have our daughter’s first Christmas in our own home. I worked so hard on her nursery, and we lost all of her furniture. I’m struggling with all of this, and then the thought of leaving my daughter full time makes me physically sick. I am 100% not talking negatively about working mothers - I fully support a woman’s right to choose whether she wants to stay at home or work, and that choice was taken from me. I feel like this wouldn’t be so difficult if the first part of her life wasn’t so terrible with the PPD and the reflux. I was looking forward to us really getting to know each other and cementing our bond, and now I feel like that will never happen. I don’t want to come across as spoiled or entitled because I know that most people have to have both parents working but again, we worked hard and sacrificed to make it with just one income and now that we have to move and replace all of our belongings we won’t have any money in our savings and won’t be able to live off just the one income. I just feel so hopeless.

31 Likes

I’m not one to preach churchy shit but I do strongly believe we are only given.what we can handle :heart: it does suck badly but u can do this and u will always still have a strong bond with ur bub , ur her mum that is a bond that can’t be broken, stay strong mumma u got this :heart::heart::heart::sparkling_heart:

Can we help this woman get some belonging back? At least for baby? How can we go about this?

6 Likes

I’m sorry u r feeling overwhelmed. Life just happens like that sometimes. Trust me there will b far worse n u will get thru it all. Prayers 4 U.

1 Like

I am so sorry for everything that your dealing with. PPD is hard, are you getting any type of help with it? I completely understand the PPD and the baby with reflux, that was my life with both my boys. Have you thought of a virtual position as far as a job? There are legitimate places and with you staying with family this would work for you if you have internet and a quiet space. You would still be working but would be home with her as well.

2 Likes

Whether you stay home or not doesn’t change your bond. All experiences strengthen what you have with your child. Our children have excellent social skills and are learning so much from being in daycare. Our daycare is exceptional and our babies are thriving. You keep separating what you are doing and what you need to be doing. Starting over sucks but I’ve always said everything happens for a reason. Instead of focusing on all of the material things that can be replaced, be thankful the things that can’t be are safe and sound. You need to take care of that baby. However that needs to happen, make it happen. If being a stay at home mom is your focus, then you need to do what you need to to make that happen for you. Your life isn’t over yet. A few minor setbacks shouldn’t be getting in your way. Work it out.

2 Likes

You don’t come off spoiled or entitled. You come off tired. :heart:

I hope that you are getting treatment for your PPD. It can be so horrifying and some don’t understand.
My first baby is 18 now. He’s my love and I’m his momma.
Please know that they do not care where they spend Christmas. They do not mind if mom, or dad, has to go to work. They know. They know by how we look at them and how we treat them and how we love them.
Keep moving forward. You are going to make it and she’s always going to think you and dad hung the moon.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally.

4 Likes

I wanted to stay home too… but our situation requires two incomes. I have really bad ppd/ ppa with my daughter… once I went back to work after maternity leave it got so much better. My anxiety is still kind of bad but the depression is very mild. Working will help take your mind off of things and get you out of your situation for a few hours a day, plus being able to help financially will also help with your confidence and ease your mind… Now if I had the choice to stay home, I wouldn’t. You may find that you prefer to be a working mom. It has its own stresses too. It’s far from easy, but don’t think of it as a negative.

1 Like

I stay at home with my little girl, but I feel that working in no way lessens your bond with your baby. You’re mama. And I understand on the first christmas. I went through that, too. I’m here if you need anyone

1 Like

It’s hard, especially when you feel your choice has been taken away from you. You will get through this PPD is hell on a mum’s mind and heart. None of this is your fault and you are doing your absolute best. That is all you can do. I also think the old “mothers guilt” is a definite sign you’re an awesome mum, it means you are always wondering what you can do better.

It’s okay to not feel okay. You’ve been experiencing very strong emotions for very good reasons. I hope things get better soon.

1 Like

Feeling for you but please understand that your daughter will not love you any less nor view you any differently as she gets older…maybe you work for 6 months and then are able to stay home for a couple yrs? Maybe find a company where you work for a few months- year and then have the option. To work from home. Maybe you can cut a bill…cheaper phones, 1 vehicle if you have 2 and then work part time. And donate plasma? Maybe you can nanny or babysit and just work part time or not at all. There are options out there but you gotta put yourself out there. You can do this. You are still blessed to.have what you do , so try to keep your head up. Remember someone out there is wanting what you have, even now.

I was lucky enough to stay home but that was yrs ago…unfortunately now days you need 2 incomes to make ends meet…I understand its hard to leave baby but maybe just short term…get back on your feet then hopefully you can stay home…hugs to you hun…take care of yourself…baby needs you…keep your chin up things will get better…love yourself and your family💞

Once you get your medical situation under control, consider what you have. Your husband is by your side. Also supportive, you know who he is. You weren’t assaulted. You lost all your “stuff” but not your husband or the your child. No cemetary to visit on her first birthday. She knows your voice, wiggled, looks at you. No mental or genetic issues. I would gladly work every day for the rest of my life to share the joy you have every evening. Enjoy your many gifts.

1 Like

Could you take in a baby or two ,the same age as your daughter and make money that way.have parents bring a pack in play or play pen . Try it. Your home ,your baby has stimulation ,your making money.

1 Like

There’s more help out there. I wouldn’t give up yet. Even if you have to work enough to get on your feet and then stay home. I don’t have anything against mom’s that work either. Whether it’s a choice or needed. I wanted to work for years. I’ve been a stay at home and we do have to sacrifice financially. I’ve babysat at home to make extra money too. It hasn’t been a lot but enough to help with groceries or things like Christmas. Now that my kids are getting older I understand the importance of being home. I have ages 3-12. 5 kids in total. My 3 year old is still home from school until next year. I’m able to attend school events and homework every single night can be a lot for 4 kids. Being a stay at home mom now is still a struggle to keep up with housework, appointments, and meeting everyone’s needs. Sometimes I feel incomplete or in other words worthless. I’m going to be 30 in March and haven’t completed any of my goals. At the end of the day I’m just trying to help my kids succeed. I feel that’s my calling right now. Either way isn’t easy. I hope you get answers to what you should do and don’t give up. Sounds like you are a good mom and I’m sorry you are going through this.

Some parents work different shifts so child care doesn’t eat all their money so you can get back on your feet faster. You a strong so you can do it

I’ve been in your shoes. One income. Homeless. Lack of money. Relying on family. One hit after another.
BUT know you CAN get out of it. You just have to readjust expectations. We moved to a new area, where rent was cheaper. Area was still safe, just not as good as where we were in. Then I learnt to cook a lot from scratch, to shop sales, use coupons, price match, etc to reduce costs. Then furniture. I’ve been doing one room at a time. Second hand. It’s not shiny and new, but it’s still home. I’m still a sahm. Nearly 7yrs later. The first 2yrs are the roughest. It’s readjusting to the new budget. It’s learning where to cut corners. Where to save $$. I mean I have gone without cable. Just done internet with Netflix. Cheaper and kiddo loves netflix.lol
If you truly want the sahm thing…then you live within the means you’re now gonna have. It’s brutal. It’s hard. But eventually…you adjust and you just live.
We still ain’t rich and have lots we’d love to do, but can’t financially, but we’re ok. Bigger things. We just save for and/or do a little at a time.
Then with Christmas coming…tell family you want gift cards or what furniture or appliance you are hoping to replace first…that way 2 birds,1 stone,kinda thing.🤷

4 Likes

I hear your problems. NOW count your blessings! You are alive. Husband loves you. You have a place to live, food to eat, etc

1 Like

Feel for you and your family. But honey it’s life. Not what you want to hear, I’m sure. You will always have a bond with your baby even if your working, you will have so many special moments with your baby. Stay clear of any daycare though. Hopefully you have someone you can trust. Get help ppd.because you could have It for a long time.It sucks. And your baby can sense your stress. Everything will be ok soon enough maybe better. But your a mom now that makes you wonder women. C’mon girl you can do this, you have a beautiful family. You also have all of us praying for you.

1 Like