My 11-year-old doesn't want to go to his dads anymore: Thoughts?

Have three children, 11 10 and 6. Single mom almost three years now. I am having trouble with my 11-year-old son, who at times doesn’t want to do normal weekends that the court had ordered with his father. This has been coming up since our divorce. Needless to say, there were things the two oldest didn’t need to see me be abused. He had told consolers that he doesn’t want to his house because I take care of them better and show them more affection which I can’t say what goes on there I call and ask them how they are doing and what they did every Saturday night ( he gets them Friday night threw Sunday night at 6 pm every other weekend), it’s always the same they stayed in the house watching tv or playing on the Xbox and say daddy slept or ignored then all day playing on his phone. It’s been going on a while. Recently the 11 years insist he doesn’t want to go anymore because of this.i think he had written to say so sometimes, but in the end, he does need to visit once a month. My parents divorced at 6 I was able to choose at 9 am ho I wanted to live with, and yes, I was forced to see my other parent once a month for a weekend. I think that is reasonable, Just like my son yea, I will make him go once a month, but the abuse he has seen ant the way he reacted towards it, I see his point as well. He is getting older, and I believe he is fully capable of deciding what he wants. Am I in the wrong

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Go back to court to ask the judge if your son can choose whether to skip visits. Usually it’s 12yrs old but they may make an exception.

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No you aren’t in the wrong but if it’s court ordered he has to go unless you schedule a hearing and address these issues

I’m sorry :frowning: I hope your kids get the happiness they deserve and get what they want and need from both the parents and if not then I hope it gets fixed. Good luck! I know nothing about this stuff but I’ll probably learn about it in the future. :heart::blush:

No you aren’t in the wrong at all, this means you’re listening to what your children have to say. I would say schedule another hearing. Let your son tell them in his own words the reasons why he doesn’t want to go. But in the meantime, he would still have to go until the order is amended.

Not at all if he doesn’t want to go make another court date so that way you can update the court order.

No you are in the right if your child is adamant he doesn’t want to go you can’t make him, tell dad to make more of an effort and things might change, the boy needs to inform his dad he’s made these choices

That’s neglect by his dad. I definitely wouldn’t force him to go against his will. Are you positive there isn’t anything else odd going on while he is there? It’s clear that the “dad” doesn’t value his children which is so sad.

My 10 year old decided the last time his father relapsed and went to jail that he doesn’t want to have contact or see him and I told his father that it will take him taking me to court to change it cuz I am going to force it on my son point blank!! I also do not blame him you know he has feelings and a heart and I know he’s worries about him even when he’s not around I would want to put myself out there be scared if he’s gonna show up when he says or calls when he’s suppose to. In my state I believe Blayze my son is old enough to decide.

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With a court order you will have to make contact with someone and let the judge know what’s going on and let them know he is not interested in the visits cuz you can get held in content for not sending him


Honestly I’m guessing he’s protective of you and knows your thoughts and feelings which is influencing his feelings toward his father.

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Nope, court says he’s to go, then he is to go. If you don’t like it, go back to court and change it. Courts will tell you the child is not in charge of making their own decisions. Been there done that

You think it’s reasonable to force him to go to his dad’s once a month because that’s what happened to you? Reasonable for who? For dad to ignore & possibly abuse? Reasonable for you so you can get a break? You have to follow the court order until it’s changed. Judges care more about paternal rights than they care about what the kids want any more. But if you got your kids into a counselor, a 3rd party who they can tell how they feel about their father they can advocate for the kids. It seems like nobody else will.

Document and speak to a lawyer. If they can prove that the child is choosing themselves and not the parent pushing the child the courts will normally see the child’s point of view and discuss with the child what they want to do. Also ask the lawyer for counsellors that can help as a third party and tell the judges what the child say is happening and if they feel that it’s making the child upset.

I was 10 and the judge decided after holding a conversation with me that I could choose who I lived with. I chose my mom cause my older siblings were staying with mom. There were plenty weekends my dad came to pick us up and my brother left and I stayed home. I was very uncomfortable around my dads new lady. Please don’t force your son to spend time where he is uncomfortable. Just imagine all the things that must go on in his mind being there. Don’t do that to him.