My 13-year-old pierced her own nose and gave herself a tattoo: Advice?

My 13yo daughter pierced her nose and gave herself and a tattoo with my husband’s ink and a safety pin. I cried for hours; I flipped out. I took her door off her room, her iPhone, and air pods. My husband just said she’s going up and u don’t want her to. 2 years ago I started working before that I was a stay at home mom. I feel like I’m a bad mom cuz I’m not here to see what’s going on. My mother inlaw said now u see what I had to deal with as a single mom, u ended up with a child just ur husband, but at least u have him there to help. I had to find out everything from her 9yo sis, and her friend’s moms and dumping all her stuff in a garbage bag. We have a fishing trip tomorrow and the 4th of July camping trip. Right now, she’s not allowed to leave the house without my husband or i. I told her when I could get her trust back; we will see what u can get back. Cuz, she lied to me for weeks. She had a dot on her nose. She said it’s a blackhead. Which when it should have gone away, I asked if she pierced it. She said no. She had never lied to me before other than small stuff. I told her a year ago that when she turns 16, she could get her belly button pierced and her nose. I’m so pissed and upset. Idk what else to do. Here is a pic of the tattoo she upon herself self it’s on her ankle. She has been going through a lot of stuff these past two years. She started her period, her best friend left her, popular kids at school tell other people not to talk to her cuz no one likes her, the two bf she has had broke up with her. Should I send her to counseling? My husband and I were 16 & 17 when we had her. I don’t want her to go down the same path we did.

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Shes 13. She shouldn’t be doing anything like that. You have every reason to be mad and to take her stuff. Shes still just a kid.

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She needs in counseling ASAP. She’s crying out for help

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Counseling. It sounds like she’s having trouble finding herself and maybe counseling can help her do that or at the very least can give her someone to vent to.
Love her, keep reminding her you there. Make sure she knows WHY you are upset and your fears.

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It’s not just her growing up… she needs a counselor/therapist ASAP. She’s acting out and there’s got to be a reason behind it. Get to the root of the issue now so she won’t have even more issues later

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I would do some counseling with her and talk to her and if don’t open up do have friend that she is close with maybe she would talk to her and wat is wrong

Oh hell no my mama would’ve whooped me! Giving yourself a tattoo and piercing is terrible and a great way to get infections. You shouldn’t feel bad for making a living. My mom was a single parent and always worked. I knew better than to lash out like that. Hubby doesn’t seem to concerned with her behavior and I wonder why.

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Are you sure YOU’RE not the one who needs counseling? Give that girl her damn door back, SHE’S 13 YEARS OLD GIVE HER PRIVACY. You stated the issues she’s having yet you’re making things worse. Yes, she should be punished for the tattoo and piercing but why are you making things worse &blowing things out of proportion. Stop trying to be super mom and lend an ear to your kid and pay more attention.

1- I think your reaction and punishment are fair and justified. Those are big infractions. 2- That being said, totally normal. If she’s trying to fit in with people, rebelling simply because you told her not to, whatever. 3- I don’t think counseling is ever a bad idea for a teenager.

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That’s definite rebellion. You should try to get to the cause of the rebellion rather than focusing on what she is doing to rebel (not that you should let that go undisciplined, that just opens the door to further rebellion)

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Definitely get that child some help. She’ll be resistant at first and won’t talk but be persistent. You going to work is not the reason; there are deeper issues there.

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She will probably develop sepsis now silly girl

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Ok. As a mother of a 15 going on 16 yr old girl. I have to build a bridge. It won’t kill her. Let her try. My daughter never asked for piercings. On her 13 bday I offered to take her to her her helix done. I paid. Now she wants her tongue. That I said 16. She wants to be comfortable in her skin and be unique. Rather than tearing her down for It. Find a way to support her but in a safe way. I made her watch YouTube videos of it getting done. Search some after care products and instructions. And she knew what she was in for. I am not one to stop those types of things cause I have tattoos and piercings too. Let her develop her own way.

Sit down talk to get about it all. Yeah lying was hella wrong and that deserves punishment. But as far as defacing her own body. That’s her own.

Build the bond soon so when she decided she wants to experiment more with harsher things. She will have you to turn too without being judged.

Mother of 4, who became a mother at 16. My oldest is nearly the age I was when I had her. I made bad choices but never once let it affect them.

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As much as it is something that isnt okay, it needs to be understood that many act out at this age. They do things without thinking it through and even the lying is normal. She doesnt want to get in trouble. She needs to be on punishment, and that should be until further notice. She wouldnt have access to pens, pins, no door, my door would be locked, all of it. Smh…

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My parents definitely would have whooped me, but (just my opinion) taking her door away was a bit to far. Kids do need privacy and you take that away by taking their doors. The phone and air pods I completely agree with, as well as not leaving the house without you guys. But the door being taken could create major trust issues in the future with you and her.

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The tattoo I would be pissed about, the nose…its not permanent, but the sanitation part is something that needs brought up because its not safe and it’s not sanitary at all!
The grounding is totally acceptable, but the safety risk should be the biggest issue here.
Teenagers do that kind of stuff, but that doesn’t mean you dont have a right to be mad! I’d be upset…you need to sit her down and explain the WHY. If you wouldnt have found out and she got sick because she didnt come to you for an infection, it can be life threatening!
Talk to her. Stick with your punishment, but try to make her understand!

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I did the same stuff at her age…and so did all the other kids in my class. It was ‘cool’. Shes just being a kid. :woman_shrugging: I can see how you’re upset but it’s not the same thing as cutting and self destructive behavior. Shes trying to Express herself unfortunately shes only 13 but in 5 years she can walk in any salon and do the same stuff legally on her own free will. Choose your battles. Focus on the big stuff.

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just be glad shes not doing drugs maybe shes tryin out new trends, see witch ones she likes and relates to, it normals for teenagers to act out and try new things. i do agree she shouldnt have lied though but at the same time, you also have to remember what its like being 13, its a confussing and stressful age for anybody

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I will say, when my mom told me i couldnt do something until a certain age, i did it behind her back, because she told me no. I regret doing all of that stupid shit now but back then, i was rebellious and did everything she said i couldnt because i felt grown enough to do it. She is either a crying out for help, or b just being a rebellious teenager. Your not alone trust me!

I did the same thing. It’s a phase. :woman_shrugging:

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