My recently turned 14 YO daughter refuses to do her chores… well anything for that matter-unless I stand there and make her do it. I’ve tried to be nice, I’ve tried to be mean and threaten her, take all her stuff away, but nothing works, even threatened to make her quit her sports… I even threaten her with juvi… she gets scared for a second but then doesn’t care. My other kids do their chores when they are told for the most part, but my middle girl just gets so frustrated when I tell her to do anything… so when she gives me attitude, I make her do all the chores and tell her when she stops the attitude, I’ll stop all the chores… I’m at my wits end with this… I don’t want to be mean with my kids, but she is just unbelievably 14!! OMG… help… thanks
For starters…don’t threaten anything if you aren’t going to follow through…she knows you really aren’t going to do the threat so no need to do the chore. I would suggest rotating chores between the kids. Maybe she gets bored doing the same thing or maybe it is their most dreaded chore. My girls I had one that hated laundry with a passion and the other one it was dishes. Each child has the one that they absolutely hate more than anything.
Please don’t threaten to take sports away. I think that sports, choir, band etc are crucial to development and keep them on the straight and narrow. I was blessed with my daughter but I have heard horror stories of 14 and 15 year old girls. Be thankful it’s just a stage and maybe tolerate a bit more since she isn’t out drinking, doing drugs or getting pregnant. If she refuses to do her chores then just don’t give in to her when she wants something extra. Make her earn it.
Follow through! Dont threaten just do it. Shes aware of the consequences. Don’t negotiate. You’re the parent. Ask, tell then demand. Example: please do the dishes. (Child refuses) do the dishes now please (still refuses)" i will be taking your phone for the next 3 days. Hand it over". No explanation, no, threats.
You are not being mean by disciplining your daughter it’s actually loving your child and teaching them responsibility. If your daughter doesn’t comply with what you told her to do that there will be consequences. Always always follow through, do not back down stay firm. She will probably be mad and might even say hurtful things it’s the teenage years eventually it will get better.
I’m the mother of 4 boys who are now all adults. I have since minute one had a struggle with my second child. He was resistant to any and everything, pushed my bottoms like no one else. Many years I would silently ask ‘why is he so difficult when my others weren’t…why can’t he be like the rest of us’… very much later in life I did some personality training and I realized his whole life I was trying to make a square fit in a circle. Every person is different, takes instructions differently and needs love differently.
I wish for the sanity I lost for so many years I would have taken that training earlier in life. (Just my own experience) I’m not knocking good old fashioned discipline or parenting…I have two Marine sons and they say I prepped them for boot camp. I’m just suggesting taking a look at her communication needs and it may help. Good luck!!
Just by reading this and reading the comments… I’ve come to the conclusion that my daughter is just spoiled… It seems all of us have the same problem with their kids and look at all the crap they have… Omg… One little girl in this thread has a apple watch, phone and lord knows what else… Y’all… Our kids are spoiled and that’s their problem, which in reality is our problem as their parents…
Also, from 13-23 she’s going to say that she hates you. It’s ok bc she doesn’t. Just tell her you don’t like her very much when she acts like this but that you love her always.
Tough love time. Give what you get. Go on strike: no cooking, no cleaning, laundry is everything but hers, no free money. Get the idea.
My daughter is now 26 years old and we are best friends but during her teenage years she hated me. I was a strict mom. Early curfews, couldn’t go off with friends without my knowing where and how long they would be gone, if I grounded or took away her phone, I stuck to it. 2 weeks meant 2 weeks not 8 or 10 days. Had to keep her grades up to keep playing sports and have a job. She had chores around the house. She would tell me at least 3x a week “I hate you, you are the meanest mom” I always replied back good thats my job and I love you always. Stand firm and she will appreciate all you are doing for her.
Carry through . If she has a phone , take it . Take away her pleasures until
She learns that she’s not entitled to anything, she needs to learn to earn them . Don’t give in no matter how she tries to make you feel guilty or the threats she makes . We do them an injustice when we give and not teach them to earn . Life isn’t easy and isn’t a party ,they need to learn that . You are not being mean by teaching her correctly .
I was a middle child and always expected to do more than the others. I was left out more and really just got tired of it . I lashed out most of the time . Not saying that you do this to your daughter but to me it’s a cry for help . Start by assisting her with the chores and tell her if you help her that she has to help you with yours . Usually that helps her realize what you do and then She will appreciate it more .
With my teen, we used a “work rewards” system. agreed chores done daily he earned a set amount of cash every payday. If chores were not done no money. If always done and without complaints a small bonus. He learned to go above and beyond and the value of working for money. Never had to take away anything.
Stop Spoiling your kids people. Just because you never had it or because all the other kids have one. This is the problem. Not the kids its us…It’s spoiling them. We worry about depression, anxiety, even suicide, so we give in. Stop giving in. Be strong, be firm. I once took everything electrical from my daughter for a month. She hated it. It was hard but she learnt when she really pushed me I was going to stand down. Be strong. It’s hard but my girls respect me now and they are wonderful adults. I wasnt a perfect parent and I spoilt my girls of course. But I also didn’t take thier shit when they got out of control. Good luck. Teenage girls are hard.
Parent first then be there friend. All you are required to provide is a roof, food, clothing, love and discipline. She doesn’t do anything because she knows you won’t actually do what you said. They are idol threats if you can’t follow through with what you tell her how can you expect for her to follow through with her half. Take it all the and leave the basic and follow through and stand your ground.
I had the same issue with my daughters. Yes you do need to be a parent first and a friend second. If you have WiFi change the password and she doesn’t get it until chores are done. Take the phone away it’s a privilege not a right. Follow through on threats because if you don’t she will know you’re not going to do anything about it
Hmmmm. Take everything away. She gets a mattress, pillow and blanket. Take her clothes and you pick out what she wears every day to school. Watch how quick that attitude melts away. If she wants to eat she gets to help cook and do dishes.
I had a 12 year old that would just urghhhhhhhhhh you know be a pre/teen the start of taking stuff away and grounding her she kept on I pulled her from sports and other school activities. She cleared right up. Now I’m her diary and we have a great relationship. Be consistent!!! . Good luck to you momma
Maybe actually taking away the extra activities will work. She knows you
Won’t do it, it’s empty threats .
i have a 14 yr old girl just like this…i just take all her stuff away and mean it do NOT give it back that same day after she does her chores…she may scream and yell try not to feed into it yelling back…take her stuff away amd just walk away she will get the drift