My 4-YO Daughter Says Kids Run From Her at School and She Has No Friends: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My daughter (4) started school in September and has come home saying that the other children are running away from her and that none of them like her.

Obviously, this is upsetting to both her and me. I don’t know how to comfort her as I tell her she does have friends, but she pushed back at this.

She’s so sweet and kind. I don’t understand why the other kids don’t want to play or be friends, and I don’t really know how to approach the situation? I don’t want her to be lonely at school."

RELATED QUESTION: How Should I Handle My Child Being Bullied at School?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“My little one told me the same story when he started preschool. I went to school and visited for the day. Then I learned my innocent and sweet little one was not so nice! He didn’t share toys, he wasn’t very nice to the other kids… he was acting like the boss. It all made sense. We worked on his behaviors and within a couple of weeks, things were better. I’m not saying that is what is happening with your child, but kids act differently in a new setting around new people.”

“I’d privately talk to the teacher about it, see what you can learn. Kids are just mean lil minions, and they set up that pecking order early on.”

“When I was in school if kids were having a hard time making friends, teachers would select a few kids they thought were kind and would make good friends and they started a Friendship Group. We would play games together and we got extra time between recess and lunch to play together. It worked really well and all of us stayed friends until we went to separate schools. Maybe call and suggest something like that if it doesn’t change.”

“Have you talked with her teacher? Maybe, the teacher can inform you of what they are running from! Is she a minority in a majority classroom? Is she clean and well-groomed?”

“I work at a preschool, if she is new it may take a little time but kids usually find friends all the kids usually float from one group to another. Talking to the teacher is a great idea, they can help encourage the other children to be more inclusive. Kids at such a young age don’t usually exclude others deliberately. They are learning how to play together.”

“I agree: talk to the teacher so if it hasn’t been noticed they can see what is happening. The teacher and counselor should be able to help.”

“Did she mention why they say they are running? I think I would speak to the teacher because that is a bit odd.”

“Volunteer, be fun playing with her and other kids show them how fun she can be you’ll get a better idea of what’s going on especially if you volunteer regularly if you can if they see you as a friendly familiar face they will start to feel the same towards her.”

“I would personally talk to the teacher about it. She/He should see more of what is going on. The singling out shouldn’t even be happening. This should be getting attention from all that supervise the children and corrected.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

31 Likes

I’d privately talk to the teacher about it, see what you can learn. Kids are just mean lil minions, and they set up that pecking order early on.

11 Likes

Did she mention why they say they are running? I think I would speak to the teacher because that is a bit odd.

3 Likes

I think you’re allowed to go to school these days but I’m not sure… try to go see what she’s doing in her class … Truthfully these kids these days are mean selfish uncaring so to my advice to you go watch go to her recess introduce yourself to these kids that’s what I would do

Have you talked with her teacher? Maybe, the teacher can inform you what they are running from!
His she a minority in a majority classroom?

Is she clean and well groomed?

2 Likes

Just go to the school and tell them whats what’s going on so they can help with the situation And reassure her your on ur side and maybe suggest some idea

Maybe you can set up play dates with s couple a children from the class

Is possible she really is not as sweet as you think. She could be a whiny brat at school or just lying. Btw worked at a daycare and mother of 3.

17 Likes

Why not talk to her teacher. Most teachers have insight on these things

2 Likes

When I was in school if kids were having a hard time making friends, teachers would select a few kids they thought were kind and would make good friends and they started a Friendship Group. We would play games together and we got extra time between recess and lunch to play together. It worked really well and all of us stayed friends until we went to separate schools. Maybe call and suggest something like that if it doesn’t change.

4 Likes

I agree talk to the teacher so if it hasn’t been noticed they can see what is happening. The teacher and counselor should be able to help

1 Like

My little one told me the same story when he started preschool. I went to school and visited for the day. Then I learned my innocent and sweet little one was not so nice! He didn’t share toys, he wasn’t very nice to the other kids… he was acting like the boss. It all made sense. We worked on his behaviors and within a couple of weeks things were better. I’m not saying that is what is happening with your child, but kids act differently in a new setting around new people.

11 Likes

I work at a preschool, if she is new it may take a little time but kids usually find friends all the kids usually float from one group to another. Talking to the teacher is a great idea, they can help encourage the other children to be more inclusive. Kids at such a young age don’t usually exclude others deliberately. They are learning how to play together.

I would personally talk to the teacher about it. She/He should see more of what is going on. The singling out shouldn’t even be happening. This should be getting attention from all that supervise the children and corrected.

Volunteer, be fun playing with her and other kids show them how fun she can be you’ll get a better idea of what’s going on especially if you volunteer regularly if you can if they see you as a friendly familiar face they will start to feel the same towards her.

Set up play dates , get to know the other parents and do bike riding afternoon or play in the parks etc

Kids can be A.holes

1 Like

I had this problem
Communicate with the teachers

I would call her teacher and tell her your daughter is very upset

Is she bossy or doesn’t share? Do you bathe her regularly and make sure she is in clean clothes? Go the the school and check it out.

Talk to the teacher sorry you are going through this it’s a worrying time when they start school x