My best friend and I are drifiting apart: Advice?

TL/DR: What do you do when you and best friend have babies together, but you feel like you’re drifting apart? My best friend and I have been friends for about 16 years, give or take. She’s married, I’m not, but I am in a serious relationship. We had babies a little over a month apart. Before we had our babies, we had been suffering a little drifting apart, as she felt that my boyfriend was replacing her. I apologized deeply for that and promised to work harder at our friendship. After we had our babies, I tried to set up play dates with her and her husband and my boyfriend as it had always seemed like the 4 of us got along well. I mean, her man and mine would talk all the time. Or if the husband suggested it, we’d say, “just let us know when you’re free!” But we never hear back. It’s starting to feel like the only times they want to see us is during group events. However, there are people that get invited that my man and I cannot tolerate for a number of reasons (a whole other story but these people have done incredibly hurtful things to us) and because of this, we don’t attend things. My best friend and hubby are still friends with them and seem to expect my man, and I too show up with a smile on our face. It also seems like they’ll take the time to attend whatever with whomever else too, but won’t give us the availability of when to have a play date. I thought babies were supposed to bring friends closer together, but it just feels like we’re drifting even further apart. I’d love for my daughter to grow up knowing her son, but it doesn’t feel like that’ll happen.

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Your friend sounds very entitled, the part where she felt that your boyfriend was replacing her seems ignorant seeing as she herself is married :thinking:

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It happens—you may drift in and out numerous times. Still your best friend though. People come in and out of each other’s lives dozens of times during a lifetime-don’t sweat it. My bffs are always still my bffs- we don’t always need to be attached at the hip

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I would suggest being more direct. Offer a specific time as an invitation. I know that it is difficult to make plans when someone is vague with me.

You are putting too much pressure on the situation! People grow apart. Relationship or not! And the first 2 years is hard! Babies can’t really do anything, can’t really go anywhere and going out is usually not an option.
Call your girl, set up a night just the 2 of you and the babes. You don’t need your man around and she doesn’t need her’s. Just you and the kids and maybe a drink and some snacks!
It isn’t easy to carve out time, regardless of how long you guys have been friends. What matters is that you guys buck up and realize that you can be an “absent” friend which is really just being there without being in person, or carve out time every week to hang out

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Dont give time to those who dont give time to you.

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Maybe she is suffering postpartum and you should keep trying to hang just you 2 again.

Things change as people get older

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It’s called life and kids and family! And, it happens to everyone. If you really want to save it I’d at least plan a play date once a month to see each other and catch up and the phone works both ways don’t wait on her to call you you can call her and see if a certain date works for you both

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Inst that just life??? I have 2 bestfriends, one since intermediate, the other from high school. These days we hardly chat or even get to see each other. I have different interest and lives from both them. Anyhow despite all the “drifting apart” factors, when we see each other…
Nothing’s changed, sometimes due to living in diffent towns or countries it’s been years since we get to catch up, but we still remain how we always are.

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Look, life happens. When kids are in involved, it is a totally different ballgame. Kids will take a mom in 100 different directions. Parents don’t have time to go out all the time, Chat on the phone all the time, ect. Anymore…talk to your friend and maybe set up a play date with your kids… but, being a parent to a small child it is hard to make plans for other things unless it has to do with kids or family.

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I think you should call her and talk to her about how you feel she brought up her feelings to you so maybe it would help her notice what she is doing

That’s life in part of growing up it happens. Maybe your lives are just taking different routes now find new friends

Your friend is an ass. But no. Babies do NOT bring people together. Babies show you who your real friends are.

Well, I could probably say a few things but I’ll just give my $.02: stop reaching out. Don’t let this be on you anymore. If they remain in your lives they remain. If they don’t then oh well it was fake anyway.

As you grow older… you will outgrow alot of things and that’s including friends. She needs to understand that in order for you to build a relationship - the couple must spend time together. It’s really does suck when things like this happens but she needs to grow up and understand. One day she will understand this once she finds someone special.

Another solution can be: you all can hang out but let me tell you… (maybe because I’m an introvert) but that can be very draining mentally.

I have several friends who were my ‘best friends’ a decade ago. Now, they couldn’t tell you anything that’s going on in my life. And that’s okay…

If you have to fight for someone’s attention it’s not worth the fight. Hopefully she will come around a realize the friendship you shared. If she doesn’t move on. Sorry this is happening to you but life situations always happen for a reason.

Welcome to the club :woman_shrugging:t4:

Happened to me. My BFF of 21 years. It sucks but it’s life. Move on girk. Take your family and kiddos and just enjoy yourselves.