My bonus daughters mom never sends her back in the clothes/shoes we get her: Thoughts?

So I have an eight-year-old bonus daughter and also children of my own. I make sure they all have nice clothes. I never send them anywhere in anything I wouldn’t wear myself in public. My bonus mom sends her over in dirty, ripped clothes. She would send her over with no jacket or shoes in the winter also. She got mad today because Her dad didn’t send her home in a specific pair of shoes that WE had bought her, claiming that she bought them. Might I add that we sent her back in the shoes she wore over from her mom’s? I sent her to school one day in a pair of brand new Adidas shoes and never seen them again for a whole year. She kept them at her house and said she bought those. Several times, she has stayed the night with us, and I would get her off to school; she would be suppose to be coming back to our house that evening. Her mom would check her out, put her in a different pair of old wore down shoes, then drop her off at my house. She bashes my husband on FB saying he does nothing for his child even though he pays child support and also takes care of her when she’s with us. I’m not trying to sound dramatic but idk what to do. It’s so aggravating to work hard to keep a child with nice clothes, for someone act this way! I’m steadily having to buy her extra clothes bc we can’t keep any at our house and I can’t really do anything about it. Any advice?!


This may sound petty…but I AM petty so…take a pic of her in what she arrives to your house in. Then when she goes home, put her in the exact clothes she arrives in (laundered of course) and send her on her way. Make sure to text the mom both pics so she knows you know what’s up. You might even want her to hold up a piece of paper or something with the date on it. Like I said, this might not be something you would want to do, but I’m a tad petty.


Wash the clothes she wears there and put them back on her when she goes back home. Also, learn to let go of something’s or else you’ll just be turning your wheels. Buying it or not does not justify asking for them
Back. Sucks but that’s how it is.


My daughter’s dad dresses her in the daggiest stuff I’ve ever seen! I just buy her some cheap (but still nice enough) outfits for her to go back to his in so she has nicer clothes there.


Send her back in moms clothes.

Mark the things you buy(put a small dot or star on the inside tag)I do that with my sons items since him and his cousin wear the same size and I know I buy the good stuff(usually on sale) I’m like that too. Or have her keep a change of shoes at the school.


Put her back in the clothes she was sent in


We had the same issue to my 3 bonus children. Their dad and I hated sending them to school in the trash she sent them in. After spending hundreds of dollars we started having them change into our clothes. Bring them to school and when they’d go back I’d make sure the clothes they can are washed! It’s super petty but unfortunately it’s the only way. I’m now doing it with and undies. :pensive:.


Send her back in the cloths she came in. Or go to the Second hand store and buy her some cloths that she can go back with.


Buy separate things that she can go there with that aren’t pricey. Take pics of what you buy with the recipet. Take another pic when she is being dropped off or collected. Write in every item you’re name. When she returns send a pic to them to return what she had and pic of receipt and pic of your name in the item. Send back kiddo in same outfit she goes there with.
Unfortunately alot of times they keep things to sell or use for other kids. Keep a note of everything.
You are doing great


My ex use to send the boys home in what I sent them in. He had his own clothes for them they wore specifically at his place.


Don’t let her visits be about clothes…omg it’s just going to make her feel bad You are parenting her so just buy her clothes let her take what she wants when she goes home, sorry lady… life’s not about being picky about who buys what. Let her enjoy the time she’s with you.


Keep alllll your receipts. So when she says she bought them on Facebook, you have proof. Only do this after taking months worth of pictures of what her mom sends her in. I would send her back in a $10 pair of Walmart shoes :woman_shrugging:t2:


If you can afford it just give the kid nice clothes to wear at both places so it’s not an issue. My mom supplied all of my clothes at both her house and my dads and this was never an issue.


Went through the same thing. Made it very clear what we buy for her needs to come to our house. But it is a good idea to send her in stuff that came from the other parents house

We have somewhat same problem we take care of my stepson son fully and if he wears something that’s not name brand on his visit with his mom she will change his clothes and never sends it back it’s so frustrating because he doesn’t care about name brands he wants to dress like his siblings.

Yes take a pic of what the mom drops her off in and send her back with it. Let her keep the nice stuff at her dad’s house don’t stop buying her the nice stuff just don’t let her take it and if her mom starts bitching show her the pictures of how she brings her daughter. Your nice personally I would have went at her mother already thinking she gunna take stuff I paid for. I couldn’t be nice about it.

I’m really on the fence with this topic. I was that petty person in almost the exact same situation with my bonus son. Sometimes no shoes, clothes were always 2 or 3 sizes too small, dirty and stained. I sent him home with clothes and shoes that fit but she still tried to get pissy about stuff I bought him that didn’t get sent back to her home. It drove me INSANE… Fast forward to this past summer after 3yrs of petty bullshit and his mom passed away. Bonus son is now with us fulltime and all the arguing was for nothing because as much as it sucked and made me a little bitter. I now have to raise a little boy without his real momma. I would just let it go. Frustrating? Yes, Worth the headache, no. Just start buying cheaper clothing if it’s that much of an issue. I know it does get expensive. At least you know she’s not going without and can enjoy having nice things while with mom too.

You tell her straight out that at pickup and drop off each parent brings a different set of clothes. YOUR OWN CLOTHES. Take a picture of your clothes. You DO NOT LET HER TAKE HER DAUGHTER without supplying a set of clothes and shoes for her to change into. That includes underwear and socks. If she drives all the way to your house WITHOUT THEM, MAKE HER GO BACK AND GET THEM. Even if she calls a police escort. You tell the officers she can have them as soon as she supplies her own clothes to put them in. That’s what my boyfriend has had to arrange with his ex. He brings our clothes for his kids at pickup and makes her bring her own when she comes to get them. DO NOT LET HER GET AWAY WITH THAT SHIT ANYMORE. Pardon my French. You’ve already let her take a mile. Don’t give her anymore. Take pictures of her when you send her to school and tell the school to let you know if she does that. Then I’d file a police report for theft. :woman_shrugging:

What I use to do was wash the clothing they were sent in and send them back in that outfit :woman_shrugging: I was ok with sharing … but others weren’t.