My boyfriend/fiance have been together for four and a half years, and have a three-year-old son together. We were teen parents, so things naturally happened in our relationship due to being immature. In the past, he had cheated on me at least two times that I know of for sure, but in the end, I forgave him. I forgave him with the stipulations of no more Snapchat, Instagram, and I needed his password for Facebook. He has always had all of my information and access to my accounts freely, so it’s not a crazy request. We have been doing decently after all is pushed back in the back of my mind. Well, for some reason a few months ago and tonight, I have found him looking up “how to know if your girlfriend is cheating,” or similar topics. I have never cheated, and he knows there is almost no way for me to even if I wanted to. He works, and I don’t work anymore because I was fired about a year ago and haven’t been hired at another job yet. So I am at home 24/7 with my son. We live in a studio, with no car. It would be very hard to cheat on someone when they have access to all your information whenever. Anyway. I’m not sure what to do. I tried talking about it in the past, why he thinks I’m cheating, and he doesn’t have an answer. I’m sort of thinking maybe he’s doing something and he wants to find a reason to make me feel bad? I’m not sure. Talking never helps, and at this point, I don’t know how to “prove” I’m not doing anything. What would you do? And leaving and breaking up is our last resort. We both love each other even if we know we may have a lot of issues together, but we love our family. Also, if he left, we would all be homeless, and neither of us wants that for our son or us. I just want some real opinions. We’ve tried talking, we’ve tried counseling online, we’ve been open about feelings, and trust and our phone and all of that, but I’m unsure what to do going forward if he is secretly thinking I’m cheating.
Welp I call this punishment for being the original cheater. You forever live in worry if the other person is going to cheat. Y’all at this point should break up.
Usually the one that’s accusing you of cheating is the one that’s cheating
Number one, neither of you have trust in your relationship. You don’t trust him, and he doesn’t trust you.
You two, even though you love each other shouldn’t be together.
Some relationships just don’t work out.
If you feel like you have to have his passwords for every account, you shouldn’t be with him.
First of all, find a job. Once you’ve saved enough to rent a house, leave him and move out. Or best is move in with parents after finding a job till you can get a house.
I understand why you don’t want to break up however you have huge trust issues. It is hard to build a healthy happy relationship without trust.
I would recommend therapy but I don’t think that will do what you want it to.
I would split up and move on as co parents. You will be a better parent when you are not always worried about what he is doing and can focus on you and your child. That child should come first above all this nonsense. You both need to find a better place for that child. Kids know when parents are unhappy, fighting, etc…
I have learned that when everything is ok then they accuse you of cheating all kinds theres a 99.9% chance they are doing shady things
Guilty flashbacks of his own game, so gotta make it look like you are
You might as well play along by saying oh yeah he’s your side girls brother we can all be happy together. So he sees how stupid he sounds lmfao
He’s the one cheating.
Hes cheated therefore this is how it is forever…I deal with this Daily for over 25 years now due to his Own actions of betrayal…its a curse for them in their own head & it’s relentless…its nice to see that however it’s becomes a boomerang effect…it comes back to bite the loyal ones…it doesn’t end you either tell him this is from what He did & now it haunts him & will forever & not your fault or let him go…and think what he wants…dont waste your energy proving your worth
He is cheating and looking for an excuse
I don’t have a job bc I was fired a year ago.
Girl. Get a job.
And a SEPARATE bank account. Start planning for YOU & YOUR child.
Also I agree. If he’s accusing you without cause, it’s him.
This sounds 100% like how it was for me back in the day - and it was my ex cheating again but trying to put his feelings off on to me.
I agree with everyone above. You need out. Even if you love each other this not a healthy relationship for neither of you nor your child. Do all you can to find a job ASAP, find a place to live ( even if you have to crash at friends or family - do what you have to) and move on). Once a cheater always a cheater
If he’s accusing you without a reason then he is most likely cheating and is trying to find a way to blame you.
He probably is cheating or still has a guilt complex from the past. Your options are for counseling face to face with counselors together, or splitting up, or trying to reconcile your differences on your own. I would suggest you try counseling together at a facility that specializes in marital infidelity issues, preferably with some Christian counselors if you are open to that. If not at least find ones that focus on the healing of the family as a whole. To save the children from anguish. Try not to make rash decisions. I’ll be praying for your family.
The only time my ex ever accused me (always without a reasoning as to why he thought I was) was when he was the one having an affair. …
Wether you stay or not you need to contribute to taking care of your family financially in these times. It would be a great deed for yourself so you’re not bound to anyone or anything, and make sure he is taking care of his son by law. He is definitely shady and there’s nothing you can do when someone has their mind made up, you can only start making plans to take care of you and your son’s future.
I think many of us have had this type of marriage or relationship, I know i did and that’s why I can tell you this… Love can’t fix everything. When you are lacking in areas of a relationship that are essential for a lasting one, in the long run it won’t work and if it does because it’s simply easier to be together then apart you will both be unhappy, stressed, resentful, and just flat exhausted. I was single for years after my marriage because I got convinced everyone was the same, but they aren’t. I can honestly say I never knew how stressed and unhappy I was in my previous marriage, or relationships, until I found someone that was the opposite of all the crap. You can choose to stay together, but the way it is will only cause these emotions and feelings to rub off on your child. Children are incredibly sensitive to tension and see can hear fights even if you think you are being quiet or private about it. Somethings aren’t worth it. Maybe with age he will mature, but once some lines in a relationship are crossed there is no going back.