My boyfriend and I are seperating how can we handle visitations?

My boyfriend and I are going to be separating. We have been together for almost a decade. We have two kids together. And although, the separation isn’t mutual right now. I feel this is the best option given the circumstances. Believe me, if you knew the whole story, I have tried my best to keep our family together. But anyway, my question is, how do I handle this with our kids involved? Like with visitations? Our kids are 4 and 7. If I can avoid seeing him, I would like to. I just need any advice at all. My family hasn’t been helpful because if it was up to them, my kids wouldn’t see their father at all. And I do not wish that because our kids shouldn’t have a relationship with their mother or father because of our problems.

36 Likes

Unless you have a 3rd party willing to do pick up and drop off you will have to see him.

2 Likes

Go through family court and get a custody order in place. Always good to have something official and in writing.

5 Likes

You need to go to court and let them decide visitation. I think of you express you don’t want to see him they may be able to help with that.

3 Likes

You should go through the court system. It will be easier once everything is written down and is official. If you are uncomfortable meeting with him, suggest a public place or police station unless you have a third party willing to help out. Good luck

1 Like

Dad can pick the 7yr old from school the 4yr old from daycare(assuming they attend) then when it’s tike to drop off to go back to you do school exchanges as well. You avoid ever having to see him.

5 Likes

Where in the world are you? In Australia, you would undergo mediation and then it’s written on paper who has the kids when. I disagree with your family, parental alienation happens too often and effects the kids more than the parents

5 Likes

Hire an attorney immediately to get an official custody and visitation agreement in place. If you don’t, you’ll regret it. Save yourself and your kids turmoil and stress

4 Likes

My son’s bio dad and I got a mediator when we went to court so that way I didn’t have to deal with him much @ all. Thankfully. You can ask for a child advocate too. Or at least in WI you can. Idk how it works there, but visitation through the courts is best. If no visitation is court ordered he can take the kids and nothing you can do about it. Be smart be safe and take care of the littles!

3 Likes

Talk about it with your partner…decide what days you would want them and he would want them. Like you Monday thru Thursday and him Friday, sat and sun… Or u guys can do one week him and one week you… if you guys don’t want to go to court to decide…

I would start out baby steps,supervised if you can’t trust him or his family.

2 Likes

You can either go thru court or have a mutual friend or something deal with exchanges

My best advice is to get a legal custody agreement. You will avoid sooooo much heartache and headache.

7 Likes

Depending on where you are you decide visitation and it would be a waste of money for you to go do it. I would just come up with an agreement and have it noterized… Um. I can explain better feel free to message me

1 Like

If hes not abusive its better for kids to co parent just sayin

2 Likes

Be civil and equal as long as he isn’t a threat to the children…going through the court system will only give him every other weekend and that’s not fair to the kids when they’ve seen him I would assume more than that. You can’t take your problems out on your kids or use your kids against the other parent…

1 Like

There’s an old saying good deals get better and bad deals just get worse. You really need to have lawyers involved, in fact Most states require it. Spell out exactly what is expected of everyone oh, I guarantee you there’s going to be conflict and it’s easier to resolve when things are clearly planned out

Remember neither of you talk badly about the other in front of them nor allow anyone else too.

2 Likes

I love your attitude about this. Absolutely correct. You could do week on week off. Fridays being the switch day so who Evers turn it is can pick up that day

1 Like

I despise court/lawyers/child support. You don’t have to go through the court, if y’all are adults about it. My ex and I have never been to court, or have anything ‘wrote down’. We have joint custody. It’s wrote in our divorce papers. Real life joint custody non of that custodial parent. I have them 4 days a week, one week, then he has them 4 days the next. (My advice is switch off on a weekend day:: ex: I have my boys sun night mon, Tuesday, wed morning and he has them wed night,Thursday, Friday and we switch off every other Saturday.

2 Likes