My boyfriend and I's kids do not get along: Advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2years. We live in a home together with three kids. One being his from a previous relationship, and 2 are mine from a previous marriage. So we are a blended family. 2 of them are 6 yrs old, and one is 9yrs old. The problem is the kids don’t get along, and it’s coming between our relationship. It is like they just want to argue back and forth all day, and I’ve tried everything I know to try to fix it, but I need help and advice of how to get them to stop arguing so much. Our home is in total chaos, and I really want to work on improving it. Thank you in advance.

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They need to spend more time on their own. Even siblings can argue often. Give them a lot more space from each other.

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Have you tried family days? Like spending the day doing fun activities together, associating the kids with the other kids with “fun” and “happy” memories.

Maybe get each of them to make something nice for the other kids for Christmas! Make it a fun thing.

Always talk about how important it is to love each other, to be there for each other and how special it is to have siblings!

Allow each child to have their alone time too, everyone needs it and sometimes it helps when they know that their time is valuable. Teach them to express when they want alone time and also show them how they can do that without hurting the other kids feelings or arguing

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Your whole family and each one individually needs to be some type of counciling. You and your husband need to be the adults and lead the family.

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We had this issue with an 8 and 13 year old. Girl and boy. It was constantly fighting because one did something or trying to get “their” parent to only pay attention to them.

My partner and I both sat them down told them they have a long time to deal with each other and instead of us fixing the issue they would have too on their own. That we didn’t want to hear about it unless it was something serious. If we did they had to give up their favorite thing for the day.

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It’s kids my kids are blood and never get along

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Are they each getting enough individual attention from the biological parent? As well as the bonus parent? Feeling slighted by or having to sharing everything with another same aged child is rough.
I was in same blended family situation growing up, I’m the big sister of 2 same aged brothers both two years younger.
It was super hard on my stepbrother because he had been an only child.

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Make them all lock arms and walk around outside for 15 minutes. If they let go or argue they get to do it for 30 and clean the house. :rofl: if they’re doing something they hate together they all got something in common lol.

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My sisters grandkids where basically doing the same thing. She made that walk laps around her house for like 30 minutes at a time. Only took a couple of times and life peaceful

That’s just siblings and different personalities. All siblings fight. Especially blended families with different upbringings. Family Councling would benefit all of you.

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Don’t put the pressure on it like “his kids aren’t getting along with my kids” because thats not productive; “our kids are not getting along” puts everybody on the same team- because you are! You are a family so it doesn’t matter where the kids came from, they’re all yours and they’re all his too. You’re the heads of the household so the unity or division starts there. :heart:

Figure out why they’re fighting so much, spend time as a family bonding, take up family counseling (everybody should go to therapy in my opinion), see if the 9 year old just wants some space, see if they’re bored, how are they sleeping, how are they emotionally, etc etc.

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I did this with my siblings and we are full blood relatives. Celebrate the moments when they are getting along and being nice to one another.

Have you talked to the children? Maybe there’s a reason they don’t get along such as bullying or hurt feelings.

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Kids fight…try understanding why they are fighting instead of punishments…I’m sure jealousy is happening…quarantining is hard…especially on the kids…

Siblings fight. Dividing your family into “his” and “hers” is probably making things worse. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Kids argue… all the time, everyday… ok not all the time. But literally everyday… it’s normal and if y’all can’t handle that shouldn’t be together as a blended family ig…

I discovered that if I am doing crafts or games or anything really they get along better. We have 8 kiddos 6w 2y 5y 6y 7y 9y 11y 13y. We are blended 5 his 2 mine 1 ours. We have dealt with our fair share of disagreements. Our biggest thing is chores.

My kids are all blood &they fight day in and day out. They’re 10 and under

Split them up for a couple days here and there

Go to therapy. Deal with your own feelings about it and learn how to help them regulate theirs too.

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