My boyfriend blames me for the lack of intimacy in our relationship: Thoughts?

I need some advice in regards to my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost three years, and we have one child together who just turned 14 months. We seem to be having some intimacy problems. And it feels like he blames me. I work full-time, and I have three other children from a previous relationship, so a total of 4. There are times where my days and nights kind of run together because it feels like they’re never-ending as our 14-month-old doesn’t sleep much at night. He can get up every hour every 2 hours. It really just varies, and I haven’t figure out why. Either way, I get up at 4:30 am to get ready for work every day that I have to work, it doesn’t matter if I’ve been up three-quarters of the night with the baby I still have to go to work and function normally throughout the day which is difficult. On a day when I work, I get out of work between 2:30 and 3:30 pm; it depends on my position. After that, I have to go pick up the baby from the babysitter and get my three other children to go to the store to come home and do all the routine evening things. By the time I am done doing everything I have to do in a day, and after all, the kids go to bed. I clean up the aftermath of dinner and whatever else needs to be picked up. By the time I am done, I am so beat and tired that I don’t care to have sex and it’s barely on my radar anymore. My boyfriend complains that I never want to have sex and that I’m never in the mood, or when we do have sex or mess around, he complains that I’m not very wet when he is touching me. I know that’s TMI, and I’m sorry. I tried to explain to him that I am so tired by the end of the day and that I haven’t been in the mood I apologized. I try to have sex with him every other day because he has a very high sex drive and would like it 2 or 3 times a day. Personally, I don’t need it that much anymore. My drive has severely decreased since having our son. It seems I can’t win; if he doesn’t get it it’s a problem if he gets it and I’m not wet enough or not into it enough it’s a problem. I told him sometimes I need a little time to get in the mood, and he gets irritated with me. Says I should have to try to get in the mood and takes it personally like I don’t want him. It seems every time it comes up, he thinks I’m not enjoying it, or I don’t want to do it. Which isn’t the case. At the beginning of the day, I want to have sex, and at the end of the day, my body or I could care less, but I try to anyway. Has anyone else gone through this? What can I do? Please help. Its causing issues in my relationship

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Get some lube. Also sounds like you are doing most of the work for the house along with full time working. Does he work, what are your chores vs his? Demand he help you as much as you do for him then maybe you’ll be more into it

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You are running on fumes. Tell him to get the dinner, or pick up the kids, or even wake to the baby for half the week. I bet it’ll be different.

How the hell are you having to do all of it?

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You need help. Tell him you would think it’s really sexy if he did the evening chores and you got to watch🤣

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You’re not working as a team, you’re doing what sounds like all of it where as you haven’t mentioned what he helps out with. You both need to sit down and work out a new routine that’s going to be fair on you both. Explain to him that if he wants intimacy and sex he has to help out. You can’t keep running yourself down this much and he shouldn’t be letting you! The longer you keep doing everything for everyone the quicker you’re going to start resenting him.

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If you are on bc, that could be effecting the amount of fluids produced. And if he wants it all the time and you want it in the morning at the start of the day, then try doing it then instead of at bedtime. See if that helps.

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Reading that made me too tired to have sex too :smirk: what does he do all day is what I want to know…

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Why should u be doing it All?? I wouldn’t Be up for Sex after all of that…

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He should be helping with the household work load, and also i suggest getting a sitter for a few hours and get some alone time!! You both are more than mom and dad 24/7 date nights are so important! Tell him that you need some foreplay to get things going too. Every couple hits a rough patch from time to time but y’all can get through it!

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You are doing so much that you are wearing your body down. What does he do all day when you are working, getting the kids, cooking and all that? The problem is not you, it’s him

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You need to compromise. Have him do the dishes while you clean the table, etc. work together so that you can get time. Try having him get up at the same time as you and having quick relations before the day. You could do dry shampoo and a pony tail no make up kind of day to make time for it.

Tell him to help out??? What exactly is he doing while you are up through the night with the baby ? Where is he in the evening when you’re picking up kids and dinner and cooking and cleaning. I mean, honestly? He sounds ridiculously selfish and it’s sad that the question is what can I do to make him happy…who the hell would be turned on by a guy who doesn’t do shit and then has the nerve to complain?? Lol

I would feel exactly like you do if I had your schedule and had 4 kids. Men can’t seem to understand this for some reason. I am rarely ever in the mood and I’m a SAHM with two teens who are both in school during the day. You are maxed out and touched out by the end of the day. You have so much on you. You don’t have any down time or any you time. I completely understand how you must feel. Unless he steps up and takes some of the load off of you, you are going to continue feeling this way. Try having that conversation with him. Explain to him how exhausted you are. Ask him to help you more. The less that you have to do, the more you might be interested in being intimate. Every other day is plenty I think. Tell him to use his hand during the off days. Lol.

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Sounds like he needs to help u more with the kids and chores so u can have more energy and time for each other

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He needs to help you more

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  1. if you dont want to have sex then dont and dont give it
  2. take a couple days to yourself and have him do everything you do see if he is up to it and if he isnt tell him he needs to start doing more. (Notice I didnt say help out bc if you werent there it would be something he would have to do)
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1st of all what is he doing while you running around taking care of everything

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Sounds like you need to leave him with all the kids and things to do for a week so you can recharge and he can get a taste of what you go through daily so he understands more.

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Let him switch shoes with you for a day so he can see how you feel at the end of the day and see if he is still up for having sex. Having kids and working full-time is extremely exhausting

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Have him help sounds like you are doing the whole family thing as a single parent. If not then you say your sex drive is high in the morning try waking up a little early and do it then.