My boyfriend doesn't help with our newborn and doesn't want me to go back to work: Advice?

My boyfriend and I have a 6-week old son. My boyfriend works Monday-Friday from about 7 am to 4 pm. Every single night since I gave birth to my son, I have been the one to get up with him at night. (He usually wakes up 8+ times) However, now that I’m coming up on week 6, I am absolutely exhausted, like a walking zombie. I haven’t slept for more than 4 hours a total night for the last six weeks. I had been looking forward to going back to work so that I could use my degree I got in college. However, my boyfriend now wants me to stay home while he works. I had been looking forward to me and him splitting responsibilities with him and me both working. Now, as a stay at home mom, he expects to do everything all the time. I never get a break. He goes to work, and I spotlessly clean the house, cook, take care of dr appts, etc. All on a MAXIMUM of 4 hours a sleep a day. When he comes home from work, he will let me shower, but then it’s right back to me having to do all the diaper changes, feeding, burping, etc. To be fair, he does pay attention to our son when he gets home he picks him and cuddles him a little bit but then gives him back to me and drinks beers and plays on his phone until it’s time to go to bed. Is it unreasonable for me to want more of his help? Even him getting up just one night on the weekend and letting me catch up on sleep would do wonders for me but when I ask him before I go to bed, he’ll say yes but will just leave our son screaming at night until I get up and get him what he needs. How much do you guys think he should be helping? Is it really just MY job literally every second of every day to take care of OUR baby just because he works 7-4? I did not want not to work, and I’ve offered several times to go get a job in my field because realistically, I’d make more money than him anyway, but he tells me he wants me at home with the baby. I can’t see how going to work and getting to sleep at night could be any more exhausting than taking care of a newborn 24/7.


His behavior is bullshit. He should at least be getting up with baby on the weekends so you can rest.

My fiance works WAY more than yours does and STILL gets his ass up with our son even on the days he works 14 hours because that’s his son and he actually enjoys the bonding experience even if it is tiring sometimes. He should WANT to help you and I’m so sorry he doesn’t! He needs to step up

Seems to me this should have been discussed before you decided to have a baby. Either way, do what you want. Go back to work, he’s not the boss of you.


Don’t make him your husband.


Welcome to motherhood :smirk:

As far as him not contributing, what you allow is what will continue. Speak up girl.

Working should definitely be your choice. But, as I just said, if you allow him to decide for you, that’s on you.


He needs to man up and start pitching in. Tell him it’s time to split shifts taking care of the baby. This isn’t all on you.

You also make more so HE should be the one staying home watching the baby. Tell him that’s what he’s gotta do or he’s gotta pack his shit and get out cuz you’re already doing this on your own.

He should help!! I would definitely say something!! If you wanna work go to work! Don’t allow him to force you to be a stay at home mom. It took both of yall to have a baby. Yall both need to pull ya own weight.


Sleep during the day when bubs sleep. He should help with bathing ECT and maybe du night feeding at least once a night on the weekend. Have you thought about starting bubs on some puree apple at night. My daughter used to wake up alot at that age and I started feeding her. . She stopped waking up as much when I started it


Tell him to step it
On needing help your baby

Sounds like he wants to keep you at home so he dont have to help…
Ditch the man and use that degree mama


You need to put your foot down with him. When he comes in from work you have a shower and go out somewhere with friends maybe. When it’s his turn to do nite feeds wake him and make him do them. As long as you keep doing them he will let you

Welcome to motherhood. What were you expecting a plasma tv? :roll_eyes:


Ditch the man and do it on your own mumma. Your doing it now anyways. Don’t ever let yourself become emotionally abused and dependant on a man. It will just get worse hun.
You have to speak up and tell him how you feel and if things don’t change I’d leave.


He’s not being a father. He’s acting like an uncle. Ignore the people like “welcome to motherhood”, you’re in a relationship with this child’s other parent. He should be helping , he should be helping just because he loves you and doesn’t want you exhausted or ill. Honestly, I’d tell him he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t step up. If he doesn’t care then leave. Honestly.


Well, if he’s working then he shouldn’t be getting up in the middle of the night with the baby. U see how u feel? Imagine him having to actually work all day with that same exhaustion. Learn to nap when the baby naps. You’re dealing with most things, that a lot of moms deal with.
If u want to go back to work then do it. But just remember that you will be dealing with exhaustion at work until u learn to get ur child on a schedule and stick to it.


I think you should do what makes you happy and go back to work. You can raise your child and work. Sorry but a lot of men do this. And it’s not right


Personally. I’d tell him that hes going to have to deal with the fact that you are getting a job. I couldn’t and wouldnt be a stay at home mom


Uhm do you know how many women I know who wish they could stay home with their kids and not work! Who prefer that. Kids aren’t easy no one said they were but you have a man that wants to support you and your child I think it sounds like a blessing to spend that time with your baby while he works and provides for his family!


He can tell u what to do. If you guys can afford childcare…then go back to work
He needs to help more. period.
That child was also made because of HIM, therefore he must help care for him. Talk to him…tell him you need help. If hubs let’s you go shower…take a LONG shower, or a bath…take your time. When you come out, and he goes to hand you baby, say “NO…its your turn, I’m busy”…and be super tough and strong about it. Never flinch or sway from it either. Be the boss butch of the home…dont let him run the house.