My boyfriend doesn't help with the kids: Advice?

So i would really like some advice. A little backstory, my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He met me when I was seven months pregnant (my child’s sperm donor /bio dad has not been in my life since I was four months pregnant), he has two kids who are now 4 and 3 (their bio mom is also not in the picture), my son just turned 2. we moved in together almost a year ago, and the kids have always called me mom and his dad, all of them, and yes, it was their choice to do so. He works Mon-Fri 5/6 am til about two sometimes later I am a stay at home mom to all 3 of them, and while I love it it is a difficult transition. I went from taking care of my son and working to now staying home full time with three kids, four and under. On weekends I try to have a “deal” with him. He sleeps on Saturday, and I wake up with the kids, and Sunday is my day to sleep in while he gets up with the kiddos. The past two months have been ALL ME, and his reply to my question of if he’ll awaken with the kids Sunday is “you get to sleep in every day an extra hour while I work” I’m getting irritated bc it seems like the kids are ALWAYS on me all the time, even when he is home it’s still on me to do it all., To cook to clean look after kids baths laundry … ect… I’m just drawing. I’m only 24 and went from a party all the time young adult to a mom of 3 kids and a future husband . its a lot. And i feel like I’m drowning I want to do so much more than just be mommy ALL.THE. TIME. Advice?

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Aw hell no. Sounds like this dude just wanted a girlfriend so he has someone to raise his kids so he doesn’t have to. Feel bad for his kids clearly both parents didn’t really care to raise them. :roll_eyes:

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Instead of trying to get extra sleep in the morning, wait until the afternoon when the kids are eating a snack or watching a movie and everything is chill. Tell him you need a couple of hours. Then disappear. Nap, long hot bath, a drive somewhere, etc. This is what I have to do… it works better that way for me :woman_shrugging:

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Moms are 24/7, he gets off early get a second shift job. 90% moms are the ones doing it all.

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He was looking for a babysitter.

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Welcome to parent and adult hood.

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Try to get some time to yourself after the kids are up and taken care of for the morning. Have him take them outside so you can just sit in the peace and quiet for a little bit. If he doesn’t want to give you a few hours of peace and quiet then it’s time for him to arrange alternate child care for his kids.

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If his mentality is that way now it’s not going to get better…so I recommend you both get counseling. But my guess is that he wont be down for that. It’s ok to want more than the housewife life, and it’s ok to want more. Here is the thing though, you knew you were in deep with this, but I’m guessing at your age you just didnt grasp the whole picture. You are a mom now, Period. Start making a journal of things you love about being a mom (remember what it was like when you were working and missed all of these milestones with your kid), and also write down your goals, start working on them one at a time. Your fiance doesnt need to give you permission, go out there and get that shit girl!

Unfortunately your scenario is not uncommon and if not dealt with it may only get worse. I’m guessing from your post that this is not the life you want to live. So… My suggestion is to figure it out and get a job (even part time) so that you can have some time outside of the house. You’ll have to figure out daycare and you might only break even moneywise but the time away from the home will be well worth it for your mental health. Hopefully, your man will step up and be involved in the daily care of the kids, if not, at least you may be in a better frame of mind to deal with it all. Good luck.

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It sounds like you should have had this talk with him before hand. If you didnt want to take it all on by staying at home you should have spoken up.

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Stop doing things like laundry, cooking dinner etc & ask HIM to do it on certain days. He gets off early enough to help out & his days off he surely can help. I 100% get it, I’m not Cyndi anymore I’m just a MOM. I do nothing besides stay home with my daughter. It’s important for your mental health to get away or have a break. So take a couple hours & just go if you need to!

I have been getting me time since my oldest 2 were infants. And at that time I was a single mom. How do I get me time with 5 kids? I wait until they are in bed or asleep. Everyone in my house know that when the youngest goes to bed the house must be quiet and it’s mom’s time to herself. Every once in awhile, I get interrupted, but for the most part they respect that I need space. Make mommy time part of the household routine, with you and the kids, and it becomes second nature.

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If he’s getting home at 2pm every day, there’s no reason why you can’t have a break. When he walks through the door, go to the room and take a nap.

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Ask him if he can watch the kids for a few hours on a Saturday and if he doesn’t get up on Sunday feed the kids and leave when he wakes up

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Looking for a live in babysitter rethink this an try to set some boundaries

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My husband used to be like this. Then we sat down and had a come to Jesus talk.
Pretty much saying if you don’t do anything, I won’t either. He washes his clothes now, helps with dinner and dishes and bathing the kids, and helps clean the house and everything.
Sometimes you just have to be stern.

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Start making plans for yourself on the weekend, when the time comes tell him you’ll be back in a few hours.

You called him your future husband… if you don’t figure things out now he’ll be your future ex-husband.

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So he works and you don’t? He pays all the bills? Takes care of kids that aren’t his? And your complaining bc he isn’t helping enough at the house too? You want him to do everything? Geez

I’m sorry but leave him. A lot of women go thru this. I know some who are going thru this and it never seems to get better. Yes I understand it’s not uncommon for a mother to not get a break and sleep, or for a man to “work” and mother’s to be the “home maker”. There is men actual men out there who don’t give 0 fucks if they are tired they get home and help. I give my husband props for everything he does for me!

Looks like he found his in home babysitter. Trust me he was looking for that and anyone willing to take the job would of worked foe him. This road will only lead to resentment if he doesn’t step up and be a parent too.

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