My boyfriend doesn't want babies but I do: Advice?

So, I know what I want to do in my situation, but I would like to have other opinions to see what others think. My ex and I have started talking again… we were together for seven years, and split nearly two years ago. We were only young, and now both mid-late 20’s. We have been split for nearly two years and have seen other people within that time, and have now been brought back together. Although nothing official, it’s like we were never apart, so went straight back to in a serious relationship without saying it. We were ready to move in together and carry on together; we couldn’t get much more serious! But then we split. We both still loved each other, but we wanted different things in life, and it wasn’t small things that could be compromised. I have two pets that he doesn’t like. Not that he doesn’t like mine, but in general he is more of a dog man and isn’t keen on cats due to their nature of being in and on everything, fur everywhere and so on… the biggest thing is babies. I know for a fact I want babies. He knows for a fact he doesn’t. He has always said this from day one, but also cannot say that in 5 years’ time that he won’t change his mind. So that was that. Recently we came back into contact, and as I said, it’s like we weren’t apart. We are now in a dilemma because he knows I still want babies, and he doesn’t. It isn’t fair for either of us to ask the other to change their mind, and I also will not get rid of my fur babies for anyone. He has now said he will try with my cats but doesn’t know what will happen if they ruin anything in the house… which I understand. But the baby thing still hasn’t changed.

12 Likes

You are both wasting your time, you want very different things. Move on.

11 Likes

So sorry to say this but it’s a very important part of any stable relationship for both to want the same thing. Especially when looking at something as important as having or not having children. You both do need to be on the same page on this. Otherwise resentment will ruin the beautiful feelings between the two of you

It’s time to let go and move on.

1 Like

Move on Sweetie, it won’t work! God bless🙏

1 Like

find someone who accepts and loves everything about you and you will thank yourself for finally letting go of that guy.

1 Like

Do not give up your dreams if being a mother. Best thing in the world.

1 Like

Cut him loose and find someone who wants kids.

2 Likes

Compromise is key. If there’s no communication or compromising then it isn’t meant to be. Well that’s all said and done and it isn’t for anyone to say really, how ever if you both love each other, have been in other relationships but brought back together as they’ve not worked. If you both want it to work then it will do. End of the day something keeps bringing you back together so maybe you are both meant to be. But maybe there just needs to be some compromising along the way? Maybe if he can make these being commitments and compromise with you, is there anything you know deep down he would like from life that you can help him with ?

I’m jumping on the bandwagon with others here… you’re wasting time and it’s most likely not gonna work. And say he does compromise and you have a child, there’s so many situations where the guy leaves afterwards because he never wanted it to begin with. Then you have a fatherless child who may still end up okay, or they may end up with issues wondering “why daddy never wanted them”. Why even put a child in that to begin with? Move on hun. It sucks, but when you’re different, you’re different.

Also, ask yourself why you found yourselves back with eachother. Is it truly because you loved and missed eachother? Or is it just familiarity and going back to what you’re use to? Is it settling, because you already know what’s there? Gotta really ask yourself these questions. Is he REALLY the guy you want as the father to your child? If you already know he wants no kids, how can you see him as a father? Just really evaluate deep down.

1 Like

Some of the issues you had before are still there…and they’re big ones. You’re wasting your time. Move on.

If you were to not have kids you would end up resenting him for never fulfilling your dreams of being a mother. If he were to be forced to have kids he would end up resenting you for ruining his freedom of no kids. It’s a no-win situation in the end better to cut your losses now and find someone who wants the same things as you.

2 Likes

Too many red flags y’all are ignoring because of the familiarity y’all feel for each other.
Move on
Find someone who accepts your cats and wants kids.

3 Likes

Having/Not having children is a deal breaker. Move on. You deserve to be with someone who wants kids as much as you.

Unequally yoked!
This will never work out because you both are not on the same accord. You have your wants, he has his & they don’t align.
Better to walk away now & wish the best for each other instead of investing more time only for the inevitable to happen

6 Likes

U sure you both got back together not because of dreading lonely? And that’s why you two settle obviously even with thing u both don’t agree on?

It’s not the right relationship. Kids are huge, it’s not something that should ever be compromised. You don’t want to have someone who may resent your children if he compromises. Don’t wait for him to change his mind. Kids are a lifetime commitment. Most men want kids. It should not be hard to find one that does. Don’t waste your time with someone if your views on children are different. It will eat up years if your life if he doesn’t want them and never changes his mind. And don’t do anything underhanded and stupid like get pregnant anyway, so you have a child and him-that’s not fair to him or your child!!!

I was exactly same spot. Now no biological children. He did not want kids. That is just too big.

1 Like

That isn’t something I could compromise on. I would have to walk away.

:triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:run girl! RUN