Alright, guys, I need advice. I don’t know what to do. I’m so frustrated with this situation — a little back story. My ex and I divorced in 2009 and, as of right now, have known each other for 17 years. We have three kids together, which we co-parent. It took a few years for us to get along and be decent to each other. I am extremely happy with how our co-parenting relationship is. We still butt heads occasionally due to different parenting styles, but that is expected. I am in a current relationship and have been for a couple of years now, and we have one child together. My current significant other has an issue with my ex. He’s very insecure about him and doesn’t like him. My ex and I have contact daily, whether it’s about dr appts, school events, holidays, clothing size for our kids, right down to the tiniest detail, and calling and saying goodnight to the kids every night, no matter who has them. Anything involving them. It’s not like we just chit chat about whatever pops into our heads. There is always a reason for contacting one another, and it’s never inappropriate or out of line. My significant other has a problem with the contact of any kind, no matter the topic. It’s causing a lot of stress within the relationship. I’ve given him reassurance. I reassured him that I am not interested in my ex. I am with him and building a family with him and looking for a future with him. I am always forward and honest with him about the conversations that take place what is said word for word. Nothing is helping with his insecurities. It’s causing a really big rift in our relationship to the point of arguing. My ex isn’t going anywhere seen as we have kids together ages 10 12 and 13 and have quite a ways to go before they are grown. And even after they are grown, our paths will still cross at points. I’m at a loss. How can I be more reassuring to my SO? Please help.
Couples therapy. Youve done all you can. He sounds like he has his own demons to fight.
If he doesn’t trust you, there’s no point in being in a relationship. Having a positive coparenting relationship with your ex is what’s best for the kids. He should respect that.
He needs to work on himself. There is nothing you can do, and you are not doing anything wrong. He is going to have to accept that your ex is going to be in your life because of the kids until the end of time. He will have to get over it, or leave if he is not able to. He knew what he was getting into when he got with you. He knew you had kids, and he knew they had a father.
It seems like no matter what you do, he will never be satisfied. You are doing an amazing job of coparenting. As you said, you will be in each other’s lives forever; try and do therapy but if not, I’d move on.
He has got to want to change his perspective about the situation. I think. If he is insecure, that is sadly on him. But you are doing the right thing by continuing contact with your ex. It’s necessary
Honey, you can’t. He has to work this out himself. It isn’t as if this is a new revelation he knew when he entered this relationship that you have children and they have a dad…your only priority is to be a good co parent to your kids.
That’s something he has to fix. Maybe counseling?
Even when my kids where young I never had to talk to him every day about our kids. However he is always going to be around!!
Seems like your SO may be a bit guilty about something he has done to you and hes using your relationship with your ex as a way to make an excuse for whatever he did and not feel as if he was in the wrong for do8ng whatever he did .
You can try couples therapy but I dont think it will solve your problems. Your partner in life needs to relax and trust you to be fsithful.He needs to let go of the jealousy.
I would try to eliminate any small talk with the ex, making the conversations short and sweet, to the point. No1 wants to feel second best in their relationship, and playing devils advocate here…but it seems like you enjoy talking to your ex a little too much. Make sure you dont avoid your boyfriend while on the phone, don’t leave the room when your ex calls…and like I said, eliminate lengthy conversations. Tough subject
Maybe get the kids a phone they can share to talk to their dad. That way your not talking, and texting or whatever every day. He is very insecure but he needs to grow up. Kids before any man, he needs to realize that your ex is going to be involved some way.
His bs insecurities are not your issue. They are his, he has to deal with them. He got into a relationship with you knowing you had 3 kids with someone else who you actively coparent with, can’t handle that? Gtfo
My fiancé was like this in the beginning until I straight up called him out about it. I co parent with my oldest dad and we talk on occasion but I have a lot of male friends. One of my best friends is a guy. My man used to be extremely insecure and jealous of me spending time with him whether or not my guy was around. I get it, I do. But it sucked trying to explain that nothing was going on and all that. I just snapped and told my guy that either he’s going to get over the fact that I have friends that are guys and that I talk with my kids dad. It’s either that or it’s over. I’m not a jealous person. Plus he talks to his ex who’s the mother of his kids. Why should I stop if he won’t? That’s not fair and imo not ok.
All you can do is be open and honest. It’s not like your walking away from him when your talking to the ex, your not deleting messages or being secretive. As long as everything is open communication, he doesn’t have a reason to he pissy. Now if you where being secretive or deleting messages or something, that would make anyone insecure. Therapy to figure a way both of you are satisfied. Maybe there is something else he is being pissy about and isnt communicating it well.
You cant make him not insecure, but you can ease some of it. Every single day seems so excessive. Like you have kids together, yes, but you also have two (what sound like) capable adults who have been coparenting for the past 10+ years. Each should be able to tend to kids while at the others home. I understand the goodnight calls but you could even just pass phone to kids for that. Set a specific time and let them answer. That has nothing to do with you. Also there are coparenting apps you can download that will help you keep a calendar between the two of you and allow other parent or caregivers to be added in. If is an active parent then include him that way. It could help.
My husband is the same way. But arguing is definitely not a big rip in the relationship. That’s way overboard. Some guys are just super protective. If that’s you’re only problem, then move on. It’s not worth fighting over. I just ignore it n it passes
I think it is great you are able to co parent with your ex. So important for the kids. Have you asked your current man why he feels insecure about your ex. Maybe that would help
You could try to explain it like if the rolls were reversed, he would want you to contact him about what was going in with his children. Mabe if he could see it from a different perspective he wouldnt be insecure.