My boyfriend gets offended that I do not refer to him as husband: Advice?

I am looking for input. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage, been together for almost ten years. with two children. I want to wait till kids are bigger so they can participate in the wedding as flower girls and ring bearer. He refers to me as a wife, and other people do too, but I generally say boyfriend because we aren’t married, he has a huge issue with this. I told him that until we are married, I am not calling him husband, but will not correct other people if they refer to us as husband and wife. Now we are talking about marriage after the first of the year at the courthouse just to do it and have a big wedding when kids are bigger and money saved up. Any issues with the gaps between the courthouse and ceremony?


Dont blame you. And if thats what you want than go for it. Dont do it just to get it over and done with though if thats not what you want.

If he wanted you to refer to him as a husband, he should have put a ring on it quicker. We got married at the courthouse almost 20 years ago and no regrets.


Can I ask why you are getting married after 10 years and 2 kids? Can’t call someone husband if the aren’t

There’s never really a right or wrong time. If y’all are ready to get married then go for it, but if you want to wait until they are older then that is fine and it would be yalls business. Weddings are supposed to be about your family, not everyone else’s. As for the getting mad about you referring to him as the boyfriend it’s a stupid argument. Pick your battles.

After you are married at the courthouse, there’s really no need to spend money on a wedding later. I’d do alittle something instead of courthouse. I’ve done both! Do you know how many couples do the courthouse with intentions of saving and having a real wedding later? Not many actually get to do it… I’ve seen some adorable cheap ceremonies!

1 Like

My fiance and I have been together for 10 years & he always refers me as his wife to everyone. Who cares!?

1 Like

Maybe have a tiny tiny wedding right now At the courthouse and then when your kids get a little older you can do the wedding you want. Unless that’s just en excuse

1 Like

You could try fiance since y’all are engaged…


Totally agree I hate it when my bf says fiance bc we are not engaged. Been together 14 yrs but not married.

We got married at the courthouse 9 years ago. No ceremony. No issues.

I bf husband even though we’re not married were common law and he calls me wife

your not married so idk why he’s mad. it’s a personal choice for you he should stop being a brat and care how you feel with the terms. and no people do court house things all the time and wait a year or so for a ceremony.

My husband was my fiance for 9 years but i didnt refer to him as my husband until we were actually married

1 Like

Go to the courthouse in 2020. Have a vow renewal when your children are bigger and you have money saved.


He’s not your husband,he’s your boyfriend,and the father of your children.

So I wanted to be traditional and be married before I had kids, I got pregnant, and just before I had my daughter we decided to go ahead and do it. It was more for insurance purposes. We got married in our living room in front of our fireplace and then filed and got our marriage license. Nothing fancy. Now I just celebrated my 3 year anniversary on Friday. We never did anything fancy. When the kids are older maybe in 5 years we will all take a big vacation and do a small ceremony but honestly it’s not that huge of a deal. We will be together forever I’m not worried about that at all but it’s literally one day… maybe I’m just not sentimental but I’d rather spend the money on an all out vacation/celebration than a “reception” one day for a few hours vs a week trip somewhere awesome.


Well he’s not your husband. Tell him if he wants to be called your husband then y’all gotta get married.


If you’re not engaged or married, he’s boyfriend.

If you’re engaged he’s fiancé.

If you’re married it’s husband.

This is common knowledge. If he doesn’t like that you don’t call him husband, that’s too bad, maybe you’re not into lying cause he’s not your husband.

If you two want the marriage but are waiting for the wedding… get married. You don’t need a wedding to marry. And you can always have a wedding later. My friends wedding is at the end of this coming year but they got officially married a few month ago. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Partner? Or other half maybe?