"My ex-husband got my baby a birthday present that is not his kid (he just turned 1). My boyfriend of 2 years says it’s wrong and people shouldn’t give the baby presents that aren’t really involved in the baby’s life, but it’s all my fault!
He always says, oh, he better not look at or talk to the baby, or he gets mad at me… I have other kids with my ex so I have to drop and pick-up them and always have my baby with me.
I told him he’s selfish because it’s a child and there is no harm, but he can get my now-kids presents… ain’t it the same thing?"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Bloody hell, my dad would come to pick me up and my brother up (who wasn’t even biologically his) for the weekend. He would turn up with his 2 new kids. Come in have a cup of tea with my mum and stepdad and play with my new sister from my mum’s side.
Because as long as we were all happy that’s what mattered.”
“Even though it is ‘just a baby,’ the ex is showing respect to his own kids by being accepting of their new sibling. There’s nothing wrong with it. The current bf needs to stop being a child. Or is he afraid it’ll be expected that he show the same respect towards the ‘step’ children and doesn’t want to?”
“Maybe your ex-husband is not wanting all the kids to feel left out or different. Your ex is being very mature and involving the other sibling so it doesn’t cause fights between any of your kids. I would tell the boyfriend to deal with it or go away.”
“Sounds like you need to be careful about control issues that could turn bad real quick.”
“You have other children with your ex. This baby is his biological children’s sibling. What a wonderful gesture to acknowledge the child’s birthday. Your current SO is incredibly childish.”
“Major red flag with your boyfriend! Anyone who shows love to your child isn’t the problem. Your ex is including your new child so as not to exclude them. How does your current boyfriend treat your other children? Now that the baby has arrived does he treat them differently? These are the things that you really need to look for, I just got out of a relationship that ended horribly because I didn’t look at the warning signs in the beginning. Very similar to your situation.”
“That’s immature. Growing up my brother’s dad included me in everything and when I started feeling left out, he talked to my brother and took me alone one weekend. He didn’t have to do that, I wasn’t his kid. But growing up with that love and support was great for me. Your boyfriend needs to understand that maybe he did it to set a good example for his biological children. By not treating the one that isn’t his any different he is showing them they have no reason to also and when they grow up and know the whole story it will paint him as a great dad/man/person.”
“Sounds like jealousy. My mom and dad have three kids and my mom and stepdad have 4 kids. My dad has babysat my half-siblings, buys them presents, comes to their parties, and our family Christmases. Co parenting should be that way it’s better for the kids.”
“My brother & sister’s mom would always get me something for Christmas. I always thought it was the nicest thing. Your BF needs to grow up. Your Ex is showing your children how a blended family works and your BF needs to get on board or get out.”
“I think it’s very nice of your ex-husband. He’s setting a good example for the children you do have together! Your boyfriend seems very immature and insecure!”
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