Can someone offer me some advice? This is a long post. My boyfriend and I have been together for nine years. We have a nine-month-old and a baby on the way. He’s a great uncle and always wanted to be a father. When we had our baby, he started to become distant. He stayed out all night drinking. If he wasn’t drinking, he was still out all night anyways from 630am when he would leave for work till after midnight between 12 is-4am. He has a big family that has close with, so he does spend a lot of his time with them. After the birth of our baby, we’re always arguing because I complain that he’s always gone when he is home he’s a great father and helps with the house and baby. He wants to have more children in the future. We have been living my parents for almost two years due to it being almost impossible to find housing (We moved back to our home town when my family was going through a few losses) I feel like living here is contributing to us arguing cause when we lived alone everything was perfect. I just don’t know if he will change. He leaves me with unkept promises saying he will be home at a certain time then changes his mind three times before he actually comes home then won’t answer my texts for hours. I genuinely believe he loves me just as much as he first did. He keeps saying sorry even though he’s obvi not because what he does is by continuously by choice. We are talking about therapy. Has anyone actually changed a man? Or your relationship get better with therapy? I really see a forever life with him, but sometimes all these lies and unkept promises are too much. Please no judging this is really hard for me
Can i ask how old you are? Maybe he’s still wanting to be one of the lads xxx
You need to tell him how it’s affecting you and the relationship. Things like that cause a serious rip in relationships and he needs to fix it before it’s too late. That happened to me when I was pregnant with our first. He got really distant, stayed out for hours, etc. We had a serious talk and if things didn’t change it was going to end. He realized he was the problem and it got better from therw
Maybe it isn’t because of the baby, but because you’re living with your parents. That probably causes some inner issues for a man that he won’t tell you about. He may not feel comfortable so maybe try a little harder to find somewhere else to live? Having you, him, your nine month old and your new baby on the way might be just too much for him to have in a house with your parents as well.
Cannot, repeat YOU, cannot change a person only they can change if they WANT To! Do you understand ? Forget him, move on , there is something in his past that work let him commit!
He wasn’t ready to be a dad. My BD was like that. He ended up cheating but hopefully this isn’t the case.
Children change everything, maybe you can sit down and talk? I would talk to him with the intention on truly listening not with the intention of reacting to what has to tells you because you may not like it. If he’s open to the idea counseling may help￼ too.
You can’t change a man. He has to want to change himself. You really think things will get better after a second child? That’s twice as much responsibilities now. You do need your own place but you keep having kids how are you going pay for it all? Everyone needs space just to bad men think they can walk in and out anytime they choose to while mom never gets a break. You either put up with it or you don’t. Thats the bottom line.
I’d give him an ultimatum he either helps out more and stays at home more shows you some respect, show you some affection and stop leaving it all to you or you will leave him
Sorry to tell you this but he probably is cheating. No man that’s with someone and has a family stays out all night and lies and then refuses to answer his phone for you loves and respects you.
My husband and I did marriage counseling after our daughter was born. She was about 6 months when we started going. My husband and I are closer than ever. We went to three different marriage counselors to find the right one for us. Totally worth it!!! Living with other family is super hard and stressful especially with a little one running around; I can only imagine. Look into state help if you need to!
Maybe he just wants dude time ? Give him the space he needs
Does he have a drinking problem? Why is he out and not saving for your own home?
Well it’s always up to the person. Yes therapy can work if they actually want to make changes. You definitely need to move out on your own and stand on your own two feet. If he’s not coming home there’s a going on so don’t count on promises that makes zero sense. Therapy is the best bet BUT keep in mind if he’s not honest there or at home nothings going to change. Good luck!
Some men can have depression to after having a baby. If you two are in therapy talk it out there, don’t ask advice over Facebook you are going to get so many different answers. Know one knows your relationship deep down or any of your circumstances except for the vague description you gave on here.
He sounds like he might be a selfish alcoholic. Dont waste your life.
Maybe he wants your own space and not comfortable in your home
In honesty you can’t change someone but that said with a couples therapy you are both given the chance to express your feelings post partum depression isn’t just a female thing and is very real
Question is: WHERE is he when he’s out, and WHO is he with?
Just talk with him. Be honest with him. I truly believe that postpartum hits men just as hard as us. Drinking is probably him coping with stress and depression Counseling would be a great starting point