My boyfriend wants his mom to move in with us and for me to care for her: Advice?

My boyfriend, the father of my nine years old, asked me if I can take care of his mom for him and if she could live with us. She lives with his oldest sister, but she complains a lot about her all the time. Also, she has a little sister, but she would help their mom only when she’s free and all. Anyways I told him I don’t want to do that because I don’t get along with her, and I like to give my all attention to my daughter and whatever that is I want for my life. Also, she needs someone to give her a shower and constantly remind her about her meds to take, to go to bed, and all that, so he’s basically asking me to help her with all her needs, but I refuse, he thinks I’m mean and insist of having it his way, and now I feel guilty, but deep in my heart, i know this will bring a lot of stress for me, so I don’t want to. If he doesn’t have any sisters or family to rely on i would understand but he does!

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That would be a big no for me. You are not obligated to care for her.

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Nope. Don’t do it. It’s not your obligation to take care of her.

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You have a child to raise - you dont need an adult child, I’d say answer is no.

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They have Home health aids you could call. She could live in her own house and they’d help

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Nope you are not in the wrong…he’s in the wrong for asking you to care for her. Sounds like she needs to be in a nursing home to be honest.

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Why can’t he take care of her?

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I think a family meeting is needed and everyone needs to find the best solution for everyone involved I mean that is his mother and he wants to return the favor of taking care of him and now he probably feels it’s his turn to take care of her I understand it will be a major change in life but if you can get the other siblings to sign on for a day or 2 each then it would definitely take some weight off of you also you said you have a 9 year old daughter with him so that must mean you have been together for many years and at this point may as well be married lol im just saying look at it from his side and turn it around what if it was your mother would you feel the same way about it I believe all the siblings need to get on same page with her care

Dont do it! It will likely ruin your relationship!

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No, and please don’t take this the wrong way but it is never a good idea to be a caregiver if your heart isn’t in it. It affects the way the person receiving care is treated. Has he considered the possibility of hiring a licensed caregiver to help out with her?

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Nope tell him u come first and Your daughter

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Nope, if you know your not up to the task, then that’s quite fine. You have every right to say it.
If he’s that adornment that she should live with the both of you, he can take on that responsibility, or find a suitable home for her, or in home care.

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Her children should do it, not your responsibility, imo.

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Not your mama. Not your problem. If it’s that important to him he can find a caretaker for her. If she needs that much supervision she needs to be in a nursing home anyways. You have your own life and it doesn’t include taking care of another adult. But that’s my personal opinion.

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tell him to hire in home care first.

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No. He can take care of his mom, or he can hire someone who can. That’s a “wife” job (if she wants it), not a gf obligation.

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No, and it isn’t mean to say no either. The kids need to geft together and put her in a home or pay someone to come in and care for her. That isn’t your place.

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As someone who took care of her own mom for 15 years and juggled 2 small children. It is not easy. What he is asking is a huge task. Not only will it try your patience and change your focus on stuff. It will also add strain to your relationship. Specially if you do not already get along with his mom.

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Nope nope nope. Tell him to get her a nurse or caretaker. It’s not your job to take care of anyone but your children and yourself. This is a lot to demand especially if mother is not easy to get along with. Would he take care of your mother? My husband and I have discussed this in great detail. His grandmother lives with us currently and though shes very independent now he understands I will not be caretaker and I will not ask him to be caretaker of my family.

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Out of personal experience it’s a big no

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