My boyfriend wants his mom to move in with us and for me to care for her: Advice?

Maybe volunteer to do it just a couple of days and nights a week just to get the burden off of the sister if you’re up to it only

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If it was your own mom yes. But why would you look after a bf mom when she has daughters. Say noooooo and that’s the end of it. If he don’t like it tell him to go to f?!k. Not right he putting this pressure on you.

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I would say no. That’s a big responsibility. If something were to happen to his mother he and everyone else might blame you for it because your supposed to be “watching” her. If her own daughter can’t handle it and her other kids don’t want to or can’t then it’s time for them to have a sit and talk about other options.

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I took my care of my fiance mother and plus raise our granddaughter we have custody of also. My fiance helped when he wasn’t working. I do it again in heartbeat. You been with your bf this long for him be the farther of ur 9yr old daughter. Then you should consider his family ur family.

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If your heart isn’t in it, then no. I would find out about paying for a caregiver possibly or a nursing home might be in the talks if she requires constant supervision.

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I understand why u feel the way u do. My fiances gma needed someone to care for her and asked him if she cld move in. At first i was hesistent bcuz i had 9 kids and health problems of my own but i am so glad we moved her in with us. Yes it added to the stress, dr appts, hospital stays etc BUT we were able to make her last 3-4months enjoyable bcuz she got to bond with our kids, she got to know she was soo very loved. Hospice helped me with bathing when it became too much on my back. She passed almost 2yrs ago now and we miss her terribly.

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No way I’d volunteer to go once a week to help but she should not be your responsibility alone when her daughters and son can help ! It’s very draining emotionally and physically !!!

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Wow I hooe none of your children treat you guys like this smh I guess im just the older generation and believe in giving back especially to the one person who gave me life and took care of me and probably made many sacrifices to do so I can’t imagine not being there for my mother and we do not have the greatest relationship either but I definitely would take my mother in and or my husband’s mother in I have 2 grown kids and 2 girls 9 and 10 years old at home still at this age they do not take up a lot of time lol unless they are like mine and do every sport or after school activities that they can possibly fit in a day im just shocked at how many of you think like this its truly heartbreaking and have you asked him what role he will play in helping out with her and her care its never easy to care for someone but that’s his mother

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You have a child to raise, you guys aren’t married, its his mother so I believe it is him and his siblings responsibility to figure out the best solution. I wouldn’t want someone taking carenof me because someone forced them to. I want someone who loves to care for others and has a heart for it. If he wants her to move in, he should arrange care for her.

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I personally would take care of my mother in law but she is amazing and has been my mom since my mom passed away. But if she isn’t like that with you then don’t do it

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My husbands Nana lives with us and is mostly self sufficient and I adore her, but I still wish I could have said no when my husband asked if I was OK with her moving in. It’s hard, and sometimes I feel like everyones personal aid and she butts in where my kid is concerned. If I could go back I’d say no.

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Say no. U have that right. But remember u said no when one of your parents need someone to go and then he says no.

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Nope, I had family members move in before, its hard, and sometimes ends up costing you more money, it is stressful and you don’t get privacy. I definitely wouldn’t recommend.

While I do agree with not wanting her to move in, basically having to take care of another human being on top of your family as priority, I would offer to go to his sisters house & help out a few days here and there. Just keep an open mind. Your boyfriend should also be helping out whenever possible. If that would help a little, maybe her moving in would be brought off the table & you wouldn’t have to worry about it.

Then again, I don’t know your relationship or your life, relationship with boyf’s mom. Do you absolutely despise her? Is it worth helping out a few times here and there to help take the stress off your boyfriends back, etc? A lot of things to take into consideration.

Hell no hell hell hell no

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NO NO NO, if you already do not get along with the mother this will be hell for you. I’ve seen my grandma take care of her mother and father for years and it caused her stress beyond belief, to the point she didn’t want to go home, its too much for ONE person to take on. Also extremely rude of him to ASK YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HIS MOTHER. It will destroy your home life and your patience and sanity. If shes really that downhill, then maybe HER KIDS should put her in a home.

I would suggest calling your local home care co-ordinator office and see if she could get evaluated for home care if the daughter will allow workers in her house. But your boyfriend should not expect that you take on the responsibility of taking care of his mother and when you say no make you feel bad for saying no… it is a lot to do I know this from taking care of my mother when she was sick. But it has to be a team effort it can’t just be put on one person and that’s it. So suggest home care and see where that gets you! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Say no. If he wants to he can move out with her lol

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If she needs that much assistance, then it’s likely time to start looking into a home health worker or assisted care facility.

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Man I really hope none of y’all find yourself in that position when you get older and need help and your family refuses. Down right selfish and disgusting.

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