My boyfriends daughter destroys my sons stuff: Advice?

Ladies, I need advice. I have been with my boyfriend for five years, we share a one year old together, and he has a five year old daughter with someone else. We get her every other weekend. I love her and love spending time with her, but when she comes over, she literally destroys my son’s room. She will throw things, break things, smash them into walls. She is so destructive and I end up being the one to replace things and clean up after her because her dad refuses. How should I handle this? I work hard for what my son has and don’t want it ruined, but I also don’t want her to think I feel some type of way about her because I love her little destructive self.

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Oh man that is tough. Maybe she is jealous when she comes over to your house because of the baby? Is she an only child at her moms house? Is your boyfriend spending enough one on one time with her?

If he has no control/doesn’t help with his own kid, don’t have her there, simple. That’s his kid, not your battle to fight alone!

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You need to make her follow house rules.

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Put a lock on your sons room get the boyfriend to buy her some toys that stay at your place so she can play with her own your son is a baby and he’s arnt suited for her anyway she is old enough to know better she might be acting out because she’s jealous her dad needs to spend time with her

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Is she upset and doing it out of frustration/jealousy? Like because she doesn’t have a room or toys etc there or because she’s upset she doesn’t have as much time with her dad as her brother?

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To be honest, it’s what siblings do. :woman_shrugging: I don’t know anyone who’s child hasn’t broken something that belongs to their sibling​:woman_shrugging:

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Don’t let her in your sons room and don’t let her play with his things if she can’t listen. Until then, have her mother pack her some things to play with while y’all have her

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Put toys for both children in the sittingroom or what ever room you spend most time in. Close the bedroom doors, remind them to play nicely.

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Is there a reason she behaves this way? Dont allow her in his room without supervision or pull out toys she can play with and put the rest out of reach until she goes back to her mums

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She’s cognitive enough to understand she feels jealous. My three year old had this problem until she moved in with us full time. She lives with us during the week and sees her mom every weekend. She was having issues because she felt her brother got more time with us than she did. So she would break things that were specifically his because she was jealous of him. Take some time to spend some one on one time with her with just you. Talk with her, explain it’s okay to be frustrated but that it’s not okay to break things out of frustration. Kids are smart and resilient. She’ll bounce back before you know it. Also I would see if maybe somethings happening at moms, she could be doing the same things at moms that she’s doing at your place. Xoxo

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Ensure she has her own toys too specially for your house. My stepdaughter found it nicer to have a couple bits. Don’t be worried to enforce your own house rules, she’ll pick it up with a little time she just might not like it at first xx

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What kid does that kind of shit? One that follows her mothers rules :joy::rofl: you break you want, you do what you want, you don’t have to listen to her shes not your mother i am, and if she tells you off go to dad Lmao

Sounds like she is upset , hurting. Imo she could be jealous of your son and his things.
I would have a talk with her about other peoples belongings and respecting them.
Make a space just for her with her own belongings, something that makes it feel like home also. She probably doesn’t understand any and/or all of it. Help her .

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Box up toys you don’t want broke and put on top shelf in the closet and yes toys for a 5year old. Sounds like jealousy.

Why do you allow this?

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She should be told that what is not hers she should not touch… My kids have their own rooms and own stuff and if one disrespects the others things they would be let out the room, they are also not aloud in each others room without there permission and no other child is permitted in my children’s bedrooms or to play with any of there things if my children is not attending them… Rules are rules and my kids toys and things are there’s to play with and break not someone else’s not even there siblings…

Take control, set down rules and if she does not comply and your boyfriend does not want to help then tell him she should not come over because she is there to spend time with her father anyway not to destroy your childs things…

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I’d keep the items in a box. And then hand it to him with a bill. Put ur foot down while she’s there if he’s not.

When I would babysit, I would tell kids the rules. They would say we dont dot hat home. I would tell them, your not home, your at my home and these are the rules here. When your at home you can follow your rules. When your here, you can follow my rules. Okay. They always follow the rules. Which wasn’t much because they usually listened really good.

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Does she not have a room n stuff there?

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