My boyfriends ex threatened to keep his son from him if I moved in: Advice?

I posted a while back about finding out I was pregnant and it was very scary for me, and I sought advice. I just wanted to update and seek additional advice. The man and I are dating now and still living an hour apart. We just found out we will be having a baby boy. This pregnancy has been incredibly difficult. I have had numerous hospital visits and visits with specialists. I can’t seem to stop vomiting, and I am losing weight like mad. He has been incredibly sweet and supportive, given we don’t see each other often but still. We plan on moving me and my grade school-aged son in with him because he has a larger home and his toddler son in July when I am closer to being due. We have and still are taking the past few months to get to know one another, considering I got pregnant within the first two months of knowing him. We have been dealing with SO much drama with his ex. I understand she is hurt after finding all of this out, but they have been apart for over a year. I didn’t come into the picture until after the fact. They share split custody with their son, yet she is adamant about me being NOWHERE near her child and threatening to keep their son away from the father and everything. They have a parenting plan that had not been put through the court system yet because she keeps refusing to sign and wanting to add ridiculous things to it. Like the fact, I am not allowed to live with him, for instance. Even though I am carrying their son’s little brother, they were never married and lived in TN. He is waiting to get up enough money to push it through the court system. I, however, have reservations about moving in now with all this drama. Yet I know I can’t stay at my small home alone. I will have a c-section, and I will be at high risk at delivery. I have met his son several times, and he is so sweet. I would treat him like my own if given the chance. I have no criminal record, own my own home, and have full physical and sole custody of my other son. I am not and have never been on drugs. She is simply jealous and being ridiculously petty. I am at a loss of words when it comes to her and how to deal with this. My hormones have me a rage constantly anyway! Lol. She acted this way when she found out we were simply dating. It exploded when the pregnancy news came out. I have let him handle it because I shouldn’t have to deal with it, but it came to a head, and I put my foot down about a month ago because I was so fed up with hearing about it. He is scared she will withhold their son from him, and he is basically walking on eggshells around her, and it is infuriating. Especially when you finally see a man who actually wants to be a real father, and the mother is making it much harder than needed. I also just got laid off from my job, and now we are considering me moving in sooner rather than later but again…it freaks me out. Any advice would be appreciated!

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I wouldn’t move in until after they get things signed & sealed by the courts. That way he has legal legs to stand on if she acts up.

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Get that parenting plan hashed out and blessed by a judge… the ex doesn’t have the right to determine who he lives with. He’s a grown up and when she left, she gave up those rights.

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Get the paperwork done ASAP… she ACTUALLY can stipulated who stays in the home over night with her son… for instance… in our papers we have to agree before someone we are In a relationship with stays past a certain time at time or overnight… unless blood relation or Married.

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Don’t move in until he has legal right to his child. This is very important. If your budget can handle it, rent a hotel near him? To get closer?

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She can’t control who lives with him unless you have other issues like drugs or child endangerment

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Just stay with him for a month after you deliever, then decide if u want to move in.

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He really needs to get her sorted out court wise before you move in, I know it sucks but having all that stress on you dealing with her will only make your pregnancy more difficult. You have that precious baby to protect and not to mention your other child. I wouldn’t want either around her unless she got her crap together and started acting like an adult because no matter what they share a child and will always have to communicate on some type of level. If you absolutely HAVE to move in y’all may need to push the court situation sooner rather than later. Best of luck and congrats on your baby

Okay I’m confused were you just a fwb and that’s how you ended up pregnant and now you’re dating? That could be the reason she has a problem with this. She probably sees you as some piece of random ass he knocked up and doesn’t know. However, it is wrong what she is doing. If he’s a good father she needs to not keep his child from him. She should take the time out to get to know you. Maybe suggest no overnights until she does. This man has a right to date whoever he wants. Also the other reason could be jealousy because you’re pregnant with his child and she wants it to be all about their child. What he should do is go to the court you being pregnant with his child should help him.

I see no reason why you cannot stay in your place and avoid all the drama. Just because you are having a c-section and high risk doesn’t mean you can’t handle buisness and take care of your baby. Women do it every single day. :woman_shrugging: She can put in the parenting plan that he cannot have other women around the child until they have been dating for a set amount of time. I know someone that has a parenting plan that states that they have to be dating for at least 2 years before the partner can even meet the child and no overnights with partners present until married. Is he willing to give up having his child for the next couple of years to have you move in, or risk losing visitation completely for violating the court order?

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They need to get the parenting plan in place and he needs to make sure it applies to her also.

Ask your doctor for Bonjesta. It stopped the vomiting for me but without it I could not function.

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Maybe it’s not about you, maybe it’s about him?

You just explained my life SPOT on pretty much, minus a few small details, and I have been with my boyfriend 4 years. Built a family with his girl and my boy (same age). However, his baby mom is the worst. I’ve learned he feeds into it and is a huge part of the problem, literally stressed about it as we speak cause there is always something. Hasn’t ended in 4 years and honestly maybe it’s worse. It has hurt me to see him and his daughter go thru that at the same time because at the end of the day she does have complete control at this point, so of course he will feed into it. I don’t always blame him, it’s his daughter and this chick is soooo manipulative. I could go on and on…with that being said…

After 4 years, if I were you, I’d make my house work even if it was a tool shed :100:. I would not move in until they have a legit coparenting schedule/relationship that is respectful of your guys relationship. It won’t happen or change as long as you allow it, which includes moving in. Trust me when I say, I respect my bf bm 100% as a mother, make her gifts, help her when she’s down, have raised their daughter two summers without them…I’m not a baby mama hater. But as long as your bf ex has problems and makes it difficult and he doesn’t do this legally and create boundaries with her ON HIS OWN, it will always be a problem that will make you wayyyyyyy more miserable than being in a small home alone. It has been my worst experience relationship wise despite the fact he was made for me and I’m in the process of taking in the heartbreak to have some peace in my life. I’d still be open to a relationship and be focused on that as an end goal. But create your boundaries with him/that situation before “combining lives”. Never said anything more true :pray:t2:

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Parenting plan. He should file first.

Definitely look into the cost to get the parenting plan stamped by a judge. I’m in Australia so it will definitely be different but it doesn’t cost a lot of money to file the plan in and you don’t need to fork out thousands in lawyers and court hearings. The hard work of agreeing to a parenting plan is already done, just needs that judges approval.

How about he moves in with you?

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I would stay at my own house instead of moving in make him come to your house to help out … u dont want that drama and your not sure if u want to live with him… personally I would steer clear only cause you have enough on your plate atm .

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Get married. That should calm her tits.

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Some women are jealous and petty, that’s a fact look at the comments😒,

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Can you have a friend or family member move in with you to help out vs moving in w BF? Check your medical benefits to see if you could get a visiting nurse to stop in periodically. Way less messy. Maybe offer really low rent for a serious college student in exchange for helping you out.

Remember to get on birth control before you leave the hospital after your baby is born as you will be extra fertile and you don’t need another unexpected pregnancy.

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