My boyfriends family demands to see my child instead of asking: Advice?

They probably just miss their child and realize now how precious each and every moment is. Just talk with them and let them know with covid there will be no visitations. If there not face calling him you can face call them

4 Likes

I hope you know, that kid is half of his father. You withholding the only piece they have left of their son just because you feel you are having your privacy invaded shows more your character than the grandparents. You could have some that want absolutely nothing to do with the child… that don’t help out, I really am trying to take your feelings into consideration. However, as a mom, I can’t help but resent you for the fact you’re so selfish you’d hold a child from a family that actually loves him and wants to be apart of his life. Courts are different now, if they wanted to they could have half custody since dad passed, his rights would swing over into the place of his grandparents, either way, legally. If they want to, they can come after you for it. (The way it was worded it came off like the grandpa died and then all of a sudden was acting weird.)

3 Likes

Its YOUR child. YOUR rules. If they dont want to take precaution around ur child then u have to do whats best for ur childs safety. And they can ASK u when they can see the child. Ur going to have to set up some guidelines and keep to it. Otherwise theyre just gna keep pushing u and pushing u.

2 Likes

That’s the only thing they have left of THEIR child. You’re his mom, so ultimately everything is your decision, but I think you need to consider they lost their child and he maybe the only thing helping them right now.

5 Likes

I understand that their comments may sound demanding. It’s their grandchild though and if they want to see their grand baby, let them. They’re going through a hard time right now due to losing their son. If worried about Covid, meet at a park or something so you can still have distance but they can still see him.

3 Likes

i definitely agree with everyone saying that being with him probably makes them feel closer to their son. but at the same time, yes, we are in a pandemic, putting you at high risk, and i definitely understand you not wanting to see them especially since the whole household has had covid. i don’t think you are in the wrong either, grief and loss does not give you a free pass to ignore rules or people’s health and safety. as long as your state doesn’t have grandparents rights that they could nail you on i say that facetime is more than enough for the circumstances, unless they decide that they are going to start following the rules that you have put in place for you and your son. you’re doing great mama.

6 Likes

If they want to meet in a park or something with mask on then do it. If not facetime on the phone would be what they get. If they really want to see the child then they will do what they have to do to see him. If they are not willing to meet your limitis then it’s not really the child they want to see. As a grandparent, I would do whatever I was asked to do to see my grands. You are the mom and you should always do what is best for your child . Compassion is one thing, but you have lost your husband and your children have lost their father, you keep everyone safe so you don’t loose anyone else. If the grandparents won’t except that then let them go.

2 Likes

How would you feel If you lost your son they may want to be close to the baby as it reminds them of the son or helps them grieve or maybe there worried they will be cut out now the sons no longer here

6 Likes

It’s not wrong to protect your son. And I would seek legal advice on a relationship with them going forward to avoid them taking any legal action

1 Like

Bub is probably a major reminder of there son and they probably crave time being able to see him, I understand it’s frustrating and especially if they are being blunt and demanding instead of asking but they may not realise thats what’s happening they are grieving too, make up a set schedule and tell them on these days you can have baby and then if they are missing him on other days face call because not only is a routine good, it gives you set days to do what you need to do on the days they have him so it might be easier for you too, I understand your grieving but try remember they are too and what it would be like for them having been the ones who raised him

1 Like

I get that they just lost their son, but your son just lost his father too. Y’all need time to grieve and figure out how to move on. The last thing they should be doing, if they’re being complete maskholes, is pressuring you to bring by the baby, especially if you’re pregnant. You don’t need that stress, and you’re trying to make accommodations via FaceTime for them to see. You are your son’s protector, and need to do what’s best for him and yourself and if that means you limit contact to FaceTime, that’s what you do.

4 Likes

I say give them a little bit of a pass, they had a big loss and your child is their only connection to him. If they all had covid, they’re pretty much safe from getting it again. Try working on a schedule together. Good luck

No they need to respect your wishes , you are grieving just as much and they need to understand that its not just about them , you need to look after your family now… I would be saying yes you can see him whenever you want to but you come here and you wear a mask other than that you don’t see him sorry…
I know it sounds harsh but I wouldn’t allow it if that was their attitude towards me :frowning:

I would say at this time due to rules you can have video contact with him
Xx

2 Likes

Honestly I think they are saying hey we want to be apart of his life. Maybe they are saying hey he can come over at the time on this day so it’s not awkward. I would most definitely let them see their grandson. That’s all they have left of their son. Let them be apart of that child’s life or you will forever regret it. I lost my dad at a young age and had very little contact with his side of the family. Also tell stories to him about his father even if it’s hard for you he will be grateful when he gets older.

I got covid and went into the ICU at 32 weeks pregnant and almost was intubated and was very close to an emergency c section. I didn’t think it would affect me that bad but thats the bad thing about covid. You don’t know who will get really sick and who will have a mild case. Your family and their health comes first, not pleasing others.

3 Likes

It doesn’t matter if they lost their son. Your son isn’t going to play as a stand in for it. They can’t disrespect you and your wishes, or demand your time or your son because they lost theirs. You’re right to be upset. If they can’t respect you or your time, then I would see them a lot less seeing as expressing yourself doesn’t work for them.:woman_shrugging:t2:

9 Likes

I am currently in the same situation. My sons grandparents are split up, his grandma is a blessing and has been involved and worked with me on everything thank heavens but my son grandad is exactly like what your explaining. I gave him an ultimatum, he could either take covid precautions and go by my schedule or they could get ahold of me when they grow up. (I was alot nicer and didnt use those exact words) but he got the point. You just have to be strong and stick to your guns. That is your baby and yes they are family and you want them involved but they have to think about the wellbeing and health of the child.

4 Likes

The loss of your boyfriend /their son has understandably made them more desperate to cherish every moment with their grandchild. I get that I do however with covid you have to do what you feel best for your child and being as upfront abt it is necessary. Do your best to include them in what you can but explain that you dont want to take chances with your son and you ate going to be a overprotective mom during these times .

2 Likes

First of all sorry for your loss.

Lay ground rules down. Tell them if they don’t social distance AND wear a mask they don’t see him at all. When they say it’s not real say well it’s real to me & these are the rules. If you want to see him it’s the way it is. If they continue demanding stop answering your phone, messages.

1 Like

If they can’t respect your wishes of trying to be safe, I wouldn’t let them see him. I get they just lost their son but I’m not about to possibly lose my own son cause they don’t wanna be safe. I’m not gonna lose the last thing alive that was a part of his dad. They’re not the only ones that lost him. You lost him too. My kids are everything to me and I’d keep them safe, doesn’t matter who doesn’t like it

3 Likes