My boyfriends mom is causing tension and I don't know what to do: Advice?

Hey mommies, I can have my baby any day now and can’t wait. However, there’s family tension between bf, myself, and his mom. Long story short bf and his mom got into a disagreement. His mom then went on to say how she “will start doing mom things for us when we start treating her like a mom.” My bf isn’t super close to her, but we do see her occasionally and have included her during my whole pregnancy. Her daughter had a child, and that is her sole focus ever since the baby was born, which I figured would happen, and that’s fine. She hasn’t put a lot of effort into bonding with us or getting excited for our child, which truly hurts my feelings. We are close to his aunt, and his mom is jealous of that. This is our first child, and we’re so excited!) His mom has a unique personality that is hard to get along with, but we try our best. She has said a lot of rude things with no remorse. She was supposed to be in the delivery room with us, but now Idk what’s going to happen. I’m lucky, bf, and his family understands how his mom is. His aunt told me I would regret having his mom in the delivery room. How would your moms deal with the situation? It makes me sad because I want to have a good relationship, but I don’t get any effort back.

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Don’t have a toxic person in the delivery room. Give your husband and yourself the gift of a couple hours as just your new little family. She can visit later or not. Keep the best day of your life as pure as possible for a few hours :sparkling_heart:

Do not have her in the delivery room.
That’ll certain more stress for you.
It’s her role to make herself a mom in your lives.
Children aren’t supposed to chase us and anyone who thinks that is crazy!

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Choose the ones that are there for you, piss on everyone else. People will use their “status” like his mother being grandma, to manipulate you into doing what they want, she had her children and did things her way, this is your child, do things your way.

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I wouldn’t have her in there either. It may cause unnecessary extra stress. You don’t have time to be worrying about her. She can see the baby after it’s born. This is a once in a life time experience and you need to be focusing on what’s important.

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I say have patience and remember she is your child’s grandma. Your bf wouldnt be here without her. Sorry but true. Respect elders. And also if u dont at least offer her to see her grandchild born then dont complain if shes not as close to your child as the other grandkid. I’d offer and let her choose. But make sure she knows no drama or etc.

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from experience, you cannot please everybody so dont try too. Concentrate on your child and with the people who loves and treat you right. Giving birth is a special moment you dont want to ruin just because of someone like her. She will never change and trust me she will only get worse if you dont say NO to her as early as possible. Dont waste time with her or you will regret it.

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Don’t invite into the delivery room.

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The birth should be between the two parents. If this aunt is her sister, I can see how that causes hard feelings. I personally know this from my sister who never had children but constantly nibbled in our business raising teens. It’s ok to like the aunt but the mom needs to count. And truly moms do better with daughters as moms/grandmothers than a daughter in law. It’s just easier I think most times. Maybe not right but it is. Not assuming anything but maybe there’s more to why the mom feels this way.

It’s worked out well that the tension is there now and she has said she won’t do mum things. That now includes not being there when you both have this baby. You don’t need the extra stress. You both need to concentrate on the birth. My MIL wasn’t there for any of her grandkids births. She caused enough trouble after they were born. At least your bf and the rest of his family understands, so it’s not going to cause an issue there.

Will your mother be involved in the birth? If so, maybe let it go at that. You can’t change another person’s personality or rudeness. But you can totally control how you choose to react to it

She’s already shown you how and who she is. It’s not going to change. So, make your decision yourself

I didn’t even have my mom in the delivery room, both times. Just bf/hubby and I… Do what YOU feel is best for you!

Ur the one having the baby. U get to choose who u want to be in there with u. Don’t feel bad about it. U could say something to her like, “I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve changed my mind about having u in the delivery room because we aren’t super close and I want to have people in there that I know well on that wonderfully stressful day. I hope u understand.” And leave it at that. Don’t get sucked into any fighting. If it gets ugly, tell her that ur sorry she feels that way and leave or hang up the phone. It seems like she is saying some things to be manipulative and to try and guilt u guys into giving into her ways. Good luck with everything. I wish u ALL well.

She is never going to be who you want her to be. There is a reason your BF isn’t close to her. It’s a HORRIBLE IDEA to have her in the delivery room. This time is for you and your BF to bond with your baby and not about his mom

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I wouldn’t have her in the delivery room whether you are getting along or not. That’s private and your first born. If anything it should be your parents

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My dear this sounds like you have a personality clash with.your mom n law you cant get along with everybody.no matter how u try.your not the only.one in the family that feels that way.about.her.so this.is not something.your.making.up.try and tell her.her.actions are.hurting.you.if she cant.be civil then leave her.alone.i known it’s hard cause shes related.but you’ve done your best.shell see your beautyful baby maybe shell come around good luck with your new baby

Maybe she would be more amiable if you were a part of the family, her son’s wife and not just some girl he knocked up.

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My mother in law was there out of respect she sat at the end of the room till they put her on my chest then she came over said yup looks like a janssen and left

Its your day, you choose who will be in. You do not need the added stress for someone who obviously don’t put forth any effort to begin with.

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