My Boyfriend's Mom Tries to Claim My Daughter for Every Holiday and... No Thanks! Advice?

QUESTION:

"I’m living with my boyfriend’s mom. Our daughter is 1. Ever since she was born; my boyfriend’s mother thinks she has to be around her every day.

I took our daughter to my mom’s for Halloween since my mom never sees her, and she got mad and upset, but she was with her for her first Christmas and first birthday.

She’s already claiming next Halloween with her. When I mention to my boyfriend about taking her somewhere as a family, she always says she wants to go. I’m not sure how to feel; I’m mad and upset."

RELATED QUESTION: My ex-boyfriend’s mom always gives me advice I do not want: Thoughts?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“YOU ARE THE MOM, NOT HER. YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS, NOT HER. YOUR FAMILY COUNTS. ‘NO’ IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.”

“You are an adult. Make your own decisions. No one is allowed to “claim” days with your child unless you let them. If you don’t like it then don’t allow it.”

“You should love the fact she wants to be around her all the time but also set boundaries!”

“Establish boundaries, sure she may be helping you out with you staying with her but that doesn’t mean she gets the golden ticket to do whatever she wants with YOUR daughter. You need time as a family between you and your SO and child. Just you three. Stay strong!”

“It can definitely be frustrating when someone always wants to be in control such as claiming holidays. However, you need to understand it comes from a place of love she loves your daughter so much that she doesn’t want to miss out on these special moments. And that’s okay but you just have to approach the situation differently we will be home from this time to this time on Halloween and then we will be going to my mother’s. or you could start setting up a date every other week on Thursday we have dinner with my mother. When you do things like this you are setting a boundary and sooner or later she will catch on. just remember it comes from a place of love she’s not doing it to be evil to be spiteful to be negative in any way, she just loves her grandbaby.”

“Maybe try encouraging her and your mom to buddy up. Sounds like your little one will never want for love and time with at least one grandparent. Maybe having the grandma’s get together can strengthen those bonds in the long run.”

“You will need to move out and tell her no. You are the mother not her, talk to your boyfriend about saving up and getting your own place.”

“I hate that for you. I get where she’s coming from she just loves her and wants to be around her, but she has to step back into grandma’s place.”

“You gotta set boundaries. You’re your baby’s mom. Not her. She has no right to claim ANY holiday despite you living there. Plan something for just YOUR little family and tell her no when she wants to be involved tell her it’s YOUR OWN family she already had her kids, watched them grow, etc. It’s yours and your boyfriend’s turn.”

“You and your little family need your own place. It can be hard to set boundaries as a parent if you’re living like a child in someone else’s home.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

21 Likes

Just put your foot down and tell her no.

6 Likes

You will need to move out and tell her no. You are the mother not her, talk to your boyfriend about saving up and getting your own place.

5 Likes

You are an adult. Make your own decisions. No one is allowed to “claim” days with your child unless you let them. If you don’t like it then don’t allow it :woman_shrugging:t2:

13 Likes

You should love the fact she wants to be around her all the time but also set boundries!

6 Likes

Move out, if possible

1 Like

So easy to fix, move out…Problem solved

6 Likes

It’s ok to establish boundaries. You can do it. She will be upset, but unfortunately it is a conversation that needs to happen. Good luck.

2 Likes

Grow up and get your own place, its called adults group. In the mean time spend your holidays as you choose!

3 Likes

You are mad that she has a grandma that loves her and wants to be around her for all the big moments in her life? Take it from someone with no family in my kids lives that I would kill for my kids to have their grandparents around.

9 Likes

Put your foot down and tell her it’s your kid what you say goes

1 Like

Definitely put your foot down now or it will only get worse. If she’s that controlling she will probably be mad and want you to move out.

1 Like

Maybe try encouraging her and your mom to buddy up. Sounds like your little one will never want for love and time with at least one grandparent. Maybe having the grandma’s get together can strengthen those bonds in the long run.

3 Likes

You and your little family need your own place. It can be hard to set boundaries as a parent if you’re living like a child in someone else’s home.

2 Likes

Okay plain and simple you’re the mother what you say goes and that’s the end of that. And that’s the way it happens in my house. In other words put your foot down. She’s your child and you’ll do as you please. I’ve never heard of anyone clamming days like that. Really!!! Children are not trophies!!! I don’t let people play that kind of game with children especially my children. They are not to play tug-of-war with. if you want your mother to see your child then that’s up to you but your kid in the car and go see your mother tell everybody that’s how it is tell them you don’t care what they think about you and you don’t care about their opinions and you’re the mother and that’s the way it is. you should see the look on people’s faces when I do that I’m like listen I don’t care what you think about me and I don’t care about your opinions I care about mine. I’m learning to not care what others think of me and my decisions and my comments, thoughts or opinions.

4 Likes

Establish boundaries, sure she may be helping you out with you staying with her but that doesn’t mean she gets the golden ticket to do whatever she wants with YOUR daughter. You need time as a family between you and your SO and child. Just you three. Stay strong!

4 Likes

You gotta set boundaries. You’re your babies mom. Not her. She has no right to claim ANY holiday despite you living there. Plan something for just YOUR little family and tell her no when she wants to be involved tell her its YOUR OWN family she already had her kids, watched them grow, etc. Its yours and your boyfriends turn.

2 Likes

It can definitely be frustrating when someone always wants to be in control such as claiming holidays. however you need to understand it comes from a place of love she loves your daughter so much that she doesn’t want to miss out on these special moments. And that’s okay but you just have to approach the situation differently we will be home from this time to this time on Halloween and then we will be going to my mother’s. or you could start setting up a date every other week on Thursday we have dinner with my mother. When you do things like this you are setting a boundary and sooner or later she will catch on. just remember it comes from a place of Love she’s not doing it to be evil to be spiteful to be negative in any way, she just loves her grandbaby.

3 Likes

I get this, I also get that you live with her. so I’m sure shes offering you quite a bit of help and just wants to spend time with her grand baby. My mom gets upset when we spend holidays with others bc of the kids and I’ve lived on my own for about 6 years now. Shes a grandma It doesn’t ever go away. Not saying moving out doesnt help bc it does. Alot. But accept that it’s her loving your baby either way you’re always going to upset someone. It shouldn’t matter

I had the same problem with my MIL, although we don’t live together and I am wayyy too outspoken for it to stand. I stepped on quite a few toes and hurt several feelings in the beginning. But I made it a point to make my own plans and extend an invite to the grandparents when I wanted to. This way, I was able to do what I wanted to do and they could choose whether to participate or not. We have 2 kids together and he has my bonus daughter from a previous marriage. A lot of our plans revolve around her moms plans so that we can have all the kids together for anything big… as far as I’m concerned that’s all the compromise we are willing to make

1 Like