"I’m living with my boyfriend’s mom. Our daughter is 1. Ever since she was born; my boyfriend’s mother thinks she has to be around her every day.
I took our daughter to my mom’s for Halloween since my mom never sees her, and she got mad and upset, but she was with her for her first Christmas and first birthday.
She’s already claiming next Halloween with her. When I mention to my boyfriend about taking her somewhere as a family, she always says she wants to go. I’m not sure how to feel; I’m mad and upset."
RELATED QUESTION: My ex-boyfriend’s mom always gives me advice I do not want: Thoughts?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“YOU ARE THE MOM, NOT HER. YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS, NOT HER. YOUR FAMILY COUNTS. ‘NO’ IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.”
“You are an adult. Make your own decisions. No one is allowed to “claim” days with your child unless you let them. If you don’t like it then don’t allow it.”
“You should love the fact she wants to be around her all the time but also set boundaries!”
“Establish boundaries, sure she may be helping you out with you staying with her but that doesn’t mean she gets the golden ticket to do whatever she wants with YOUR daughter. You need time as a family between you and your SO and child. Just you three. Stay strong!”
“It can definitely be frustrating when someone always wants to be in control such as claiming holidays. However, you need to understand it comes from a place of love she loves your daughter so much that she doesn’t want to miss out on these special moments. And that’s okay but you just have to approach the situation differently we will be home from this time to this time on Halloween and then we will be going to my mother’s. or you could start setting up a date every other week on Thursday we have dinner with my mother. When you do things like this you are setting a boundary and sooner or later she will catch on. just remember it comes from a place of love she’s not doing it to be evil to be spiteful to be negative in any way, she just loves her grandbaby.”
“Maybe try encouraging her and your mom to buddy up. Sounds like your little one will never want for love and time with at least one grandparent. Maybe having the grandma’s get together can strengthen those bonds in the long run.”
“You will need to move out and tell her no. You are the mother not her, talk to your boyfriend about saving up and getting your own place.”
“I hate that for you. I get where she’s coming from she just loves her and wants to be around her, but she has to step back into grandma’s place.”
“You gotta set boundaries. You’re your baby’s mom. Not her. She has no right to claim ANY holiday despite you living there. Plan something for just YOUR little family and tell her no when she wants to be involved tell her it’s YOUR OWN family she already had her kids, watched them grow, etc. It’s yours and your boyfriend’s turn.”
“You and your little family need your own place. It can be hard to set boundaries as a parent if you’re living like a child in someone else’s home.”
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