My child has become aggressive towards me: Advice?

Hello, I am a single mom of a 2 years old. I work a lot, so my mom helps me to pick up my son from the daycare and stays with him until I get home. Normally I got home when he is already sleeping; I co-sleep with him, we live with my family. Every morning I wake up and get him ready to take him to the daycare. My problem is that my son has become so aggressive towards me. Also, when he is upset, he throws himself to the floor and starts hitting his head against the floor really hard. I have tried everything to make him stop doing that, but he still does it, and it’s getting worse. He cries and screams, and I am scared someday the neighbors will call the police because he is always doing that when something upsets him. I am desperate; at night, he sometimes doesn’t let me sleep, he wakes me up bc he complains, and I have to give him his bottle, or he has to hold my finger; otherwise, he starts complaining again or start crying in the middle of the night. He is two years and three months old. He doesn’t speak yet, but he understands everything I tell him or order him to do in Spanish and French. At this point, I am desperate and really frustrated. He does that just with my mom and me. At the daycare, he is well behaved, and he is very nice with other kids and very lovable. I don’t know what to do; please help !!!

86 Likes

Momma…you are his safe place, where he feels he can express himself and let all his emotions out safely in a nurturing environment…it won’t be like this forever just hold on and give him what he needs which is YOU

10 Likes

Talk to his doctor, there could be other issues going with him and figuring them out will allow you to help him the best.

1 Like

Sounds like he’s just being a toddler to me

5 Likes

My son is almost 2. He’ll be 2 in 11 days. He does this as well. Especially when he doesn’t get his way. I’ve talked to his doc about it and she has just told me he’s in the “terrible 2’s”. That as long as he’s not hurting himself when he bags his head that he will be fine. She does keep up with me on it if he does it a lot or if he hurts himself. She told me the only thing I can do is comfort him as he’s expressing his emotions and everything else. She did tell me if I want to have him looked at by a “specialist” all I have to do is say so. I’d definitely keep an eye on it and it if you’re worried I’d talk to your doc about seeing someone.

I would work on him learning to talk at 2 years old

2 Likes

Is the only time he gets with you is a short time before daycare and then if he happens to wake up at night? If so, I wonder if the acting out isn’t because he misses you… I mean to me that’s a 2 yr old behavior but if he’s unable to express his emotions it could be worse

28 Likes

Terrible twos. But I think he’s missing you and it’s about getting attention. He’s starting to notice your absence more now as his awareness develops.

When he’s having the head smashing tantrums, put a pillow under his head (or try) so that he doesn’t hurt himself. Or pre-apologise to your family, say you “gotta do this”… go lay down beside him… start having your own tantrum, stomping your feet and hitting the floor while screaming. Oftentimes it surprises the crap out of the kid and they stop what they’re doing to watch. When you stop, if he starts again, do it again, over and over until he realizes your scream is louder than his. Did it a few times with my kids, but I’d start laughing so hard by the ridiculousness of it all they’d start laughing too.

If you’re co-sleeping, let him hold on to your finger, it helps him feel secure. It assures him that you’re there. Keep his bottle ready and nearby for when he wakes up.

1 Like

He sounds normal to me… Normal for his age

Sounds like he is seeking attention…he needs his mommy

I would maybe speak to the doctor , it sounds like he is just frustrated with things , and tbh he feels he is safe with u so can act out with you and your mum and if he isn’t speaking that could be frustrating for him also , I know you said he is only 2 and 3 months but does he say any words at all as this maybe something to look into with your doctor also as this can be frustrating for some children as well when they want to say something and can’t obviously being only two there isn’t that expectation that he is going to come out with sentences but even just a few little words like mum and Nan and things like that so would defo get in contact with doctor x

2 Likes

Sounds like he’s picking up ugly habits from daycare or thise around him.

1 Like

4 kids they a did this at that age it seem not normal at first but it will pass.

2 Likes

My daughter did this all that too! She grew out of it but it was definitely difficult even though its surprisingly common and “normal” for a kid to go through this faze. However with him not speaking maybe think about getting him screened for autism of he show any other behaviours that often relate to being on the spectrum. You got this mama :two_hearts:

This is all normal … it’s not pretty but it’s normal … as hard as it is try making a day / time a week just for him let him help you plan an activity to do together … he will have something to look forward too . You are his safe space so all his little feelings he does not know how to tell you how he’s feeling … so he’s lashing out the only way he knows how . But because you are his safe place he’s letting all these feelings out towards you . If he goes to bed early maybe try letting him stay up a little longer so you have some one on one time with him . He honestly just needs his mama :heart:

1 Like

Check for ADHD. My kid survived it

If your son is acting lovely at daycare out in the world it’s because you have built a safe space at home. When he is out he knows he needs to follow social rules of behaviour but throughout the day he experiences a lot of emotions - so when he is home he can finally release them in his safe space with you and your mum. As terrible as it is for you it means he feels safe to express him himself and still be loved no matter what. Have you ever heard of circle of security? It’s a parenting course I attended that explains all of this and just makes so much sense! Plus he is 2, experiencing a major load of emotions and understanding in his world and might need you a little more right now as he works through it all. I have four little ladies under 6 and know how frustrating it can be but you’re doing amazing mama xx

3 Likes

He is 2. They aren’t called the terrible 2s for nothing.

1 Like

My son threw some epic tantrums when he was that age too…usually only with me. I’d pick him up, put him either in a playpen or crib…someplace safe…and tell him when he settles and is ready to talk to me, I’ll talk to him…then I would straight ignore him. If he climbed out and came looking for me and started the tantrum again…same thing, and I’d say the same thing. Sometimes it took a couple tries, but I didn’t give up and he would eventually calm himself and come find me and I’d ask if he was ready to talk. He didn’t talk much at that age either, but he eventually understood that when he was calm, I was more apt to listen to what he was trying to tell me. As far as the middle of the night, same kind of thing, start explaining to him that if he acts a certain way, he is going to have to sleep in his own bed…set one up so that he can see it…and if he has the behaviors in the middle of the night, put him in his bed. You will have to do this over and over and explain each time that until he is ready to be calm and sleep, he can’t be in bed with you. You are going to be EXHAUSTED…I think a lot of people underestimate the willpower of a toddler, so you may want to start this on a weekend or something…but again, with consistency, it can be done and it can be done safely. Make sure everything is finished out with “I love yous” and hugs. My son is 17, almost 18, and still rarely gets an attitude with me…and on the off chance that he does, he almost always apologizes for it. It is a lot harder on you mentally, physically and emotionally, than it is on them…just hang in there…you got this Momma :sparkling_heart:

1 Like

My grandson did this then we found out he was being mistreated at daycare once he was taken out of daycare his behavior changed