My children call my husbands wife "mom": Thoughts?

My ex-husband re-married à few years ago, and since then, they make my children call his wife “mom.” I have talked to both of them saying that I am the only mother they have (they’re 8 yrs old now- twins) and therefore they should stop that. But no matter what I say or do, they insist on having my children call her “mom.” I have been heartbroken for a few years since this happened for the first time. There’s nothing that can be done legally. Has anyone dealt or have been dealing with that, and how do you cope? My ex let her stop working, and now she is a stay at home stepmother. I need to work. She spends more time with my children than I do. My kids complain that I am not with them enough. And again, there is nothing I can do about it either. I hate seeing my children refer to another woman as a mom. She tries to parent my children. I even had a social worker involved to no avail. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks

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Don’t let your bitterness ruin what you have with your kids. I understand that it hurts that they call another woman ‘mom’, but since there’s literally nothing you can do, except drive them away from you… Just think of how lucky your kids are, that they have another person who cares for them. Don’t let this come between you and your kids. :heart:

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When I remarried. I put the choice in th child’s hands she was 10 told her if and when she was comfortable calling me mom I was ok with it. If not then calling me by my 1st name also worked.

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Befriend her, grow, you have to evolve with your blended family.
Be thankful your kids have an extra person in their lives to love them.
Maybe then you will find compromise in your situation.
Good luck to you!

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My children did this also. They are twins as well. I don’t like it. It hurts. But I want my kids to be happy so they call her by her real name in front of me but mom when they are with them.

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Shes a bonus mom. Theres nothing wrong with that. But I do find it wrong if they are forcing the kids to call her mom, that should be their choice

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I think there’s two way to look at it. You should be happy your kids have a person they love and loves them back when your not around. I’ve been in the same situation and it’s hard but it will only hurt everyone’s relationships to be negative about it. Alot of times for kids it’s just natural to call a mother figure mom and kids have the best judge of character , if there happy you try to find a way to be more comfortable :slight_smile:

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While I understand your feelings, I would be thrilled if my kids were lucky enough to have two women who loved them, who they loved. So many kids live with step-parents who tolerate them or abuse them. The thing about love is that it doesn’t get divided, it multiplies. Your kids can love you the same (even being sad they don’t get to spend as much time with you) and love her, too.

But again -I do understand those feeling of insecurity and hurt that they call her the name they’ve always called you.

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I do not know why you feel that way my husband and I raised 5 children together he had 2 and I had 3 I was the step mom but his kids always referred me as there mom but they knew who there real mom was it’s not about you or your ex it’s all about the kids and how they feel get over it they do not live you any less and they know who there biological mom is if they feel comfortable with calling her mom too let it go my kids are in there 30’s now and are all close to their siblings even if they are not blood related because we never treated them different left them feel comfortable with what ever they feel is right

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Not to sound rude, but perhaps you’ve had no luck raising hell because it (and she) isn’t as bad as you’d like to think? If your wording is 100% honest and they “make” them call her mom I would understand being upset. But at 8 years old, I believe your kids would refuse or make a big deal about it if they were uncomfortable with it. Honestly, it sounds like your kids have a great relationship with their stepmother, and that’s something to be grateful for. Embrace the positives that adds to their life. Being a mom is exceptionally difficult because sometimes the best thing for your kids can hurt you to the core. But them having a stepmother in their life that cares for them like her own and that they are able to love is a great thing!

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Be happy they have 2 moms ! Youll always be first, remember that.

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You said “she tries to parent them” but she is their STEPMOTHER she has to parent them! People who think step parents shouldn’t do anything with their children are ridiculous. You should be lucky she cares about them enough and loves them enough to parent them instead of treating them as a burden to her and your ex husbands relationship. Be thankful! Have them call her by her name at your house. You cant control what goes on there if it’s not illegal or endangering. If the kids are being forced to call her mom then dont you think they would stop at your house. It sounds like they want to call her that because she is their other mom. A bonus mom!

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Are you sure they dont want to? If they want to let them. Your bitterness is only taking away from your children. No one else.

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Well this is understandable in this situation I used to have my son call my husband Daddy Ben so no one got their feelings hurt talk to them my sister in law raised my nephew’s and they call her mommy Allison . See if they would be ok with that. It helps but know u r their mom and no matter what and NOBODY can take that from u . Be strong keep ur head up

Oh… I’d be livid. Hell hath no fury livid. You’re gonna have to think outside the box and get creative. Good luck!

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They shouldn’t make them. That is wrong. However, sounds like coming from the kids she is an ok person. Be grateful for that and that she is good to them. Many don’t have that. I know it hurts and hurts bad. Try to find the good in it. You will always, always be their mama. She is just a bonus one for when they are there.

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Are they being forced or did they do it on their own. My kids call their step mom “mom”. Doesnt bother me. It just shows shes obviously really good to them and she loves them like I do. Or they wouldn’t call her mom.

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I went through this at first I hated it but as time went on I accepted that she is there step mom and after very horrible rocky start we all get along now and co parent and I appreciate my kids step mom :100:

A social worker? Seriously. Wow.

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You should feel blessed that you children love their step mom. In their eyes they have two moms. She will never take your place as their mother. My step daughters mother also felt the way you do. She asked me if she could call me mom and I said if that’s what you want to call me that is fine her father had no problem with it because he saw we had a close bond. Well her mother ruined our relationship being on that bitter shit. She held her away and everything. To this day we are still rebuilding our relationship as I dont get to see her much because her father ( my husband) travels for work.