My husband works long, odd hours, and when he is home, our children behave like children, but when he at work, I feel like they go out of their way to misbehave. I am every bit as strict as he is, and I keep to our daily routine. I have been the stay at home parent for the last year. I just don’t understand what I can do. I am expecting a baby next month, and I am concerned about how the older kids will be once the baby is here and my attention is stretched further.
I read something that made me feel a little better about this.
Your children may act peaceful and kind in public but when they get around their mother they feel so safe around you that they act themselves…
you may try set aside a little time to let them run and tire themselves out outside. Try talking to them one on one about the new baby and what’s inside your belly… best of luck momma
Is your husband the disciplinarian? Maybe up the discipline when they are with you. My kids are great when they are with me and behave and do what they got to do but when their dad gets home they lose their mind. My husband has a hard time when I’m not home. Kids just know who they can do things around. Good luck hang in there
I used to work as a therapist with kids - kids act out when they feel safest. They may behave well when their dad is home because he is gone so much…and when he’s gone they feel like they can relax and just be themselves. They know you are their safe spot. (And everyone’s kids do this!!! My children are angels in school and in public - and pick on each other until they drive me and each other nuts.
I’m going through this with my 15 month old boy. When my husband watches him they can sit nicely, my son will entertain himself for a whole hour before needing attention. My husband can even game while watching him because he behaves so well. Then the moment dad leaves the room or goes to work, my son goes apeshit and tears apart the couch and climbs on the furniture jumping off. He throws his kitchen set over. By the time I get him to stop destroying one thing and pick up up, he’s across the room doing it to something else.
It’s exhausting. So many tantrums.
If someone has advice I would appreciate it just as much as the OP
I’m thinking you are not as strict as your husband otherwise they wouldn’t be acting out. Make sure you ‘mean what you say and say what you mean’. Make sure you are consistent, as draining as it is.
Its normal because my kids do the same thing. I started taking things away from them.
My husband was the main enforcer for our 3 boys. My boys behaved, as much as boys do, because if their behavior got to mom, they knew they were in deep do do. Both parents have to support each other. Most importantly, be consistent. If you’re not, they won’t believe you mean business. Then give them a hug and “forgive” them…once in a while.
I always gave my child 2 sets of rules.
My rules were you listen you behave. We can go get some thing or do some thing.
Her set of rules where are you don’t listen you don’t get it and we don’t go.
Decide which set a rules you want to go by.
It really worked for me.
Ask them to help you get things around for the baby. They are feeling replaced by the soon to be new arrival. Explain that your tired and need things calm. And you need them. That they are your big helpers and the baby will need them to help. Keep up your routine but add in a little relax /quite time. Ask for a little extra help in things they can manage. And ask for extra help with baby stuff and when your new arrival gets here, include the siblings in daily baby care activities.
This too shall pass.
From my heart. As a mother to get more positive results. You remove privileges. No tv, no computer or social media, take cell phones, no video games and no going anywhere. Those privileges are earned Back by good behavior. Trust me it works. They earn one Privilege back at a time. If they mess up remove a privilege. Eventually they get it. Be consistent. Don’t give in
My kids were the opposite… but I was the strict one and my husband was the fun parent with a crazy rotating schedule.
I don’t know their ages, but now is the time to teach them you mean business… which is exhausting and 100% worth it.
When they get a time out… have a timer and follow through.
If they Fight, make them do something together.
Won’t pick up toys… put them in a trash bag and stash them.
When they’re good have little dollar store toys or cool snacks and reward them and recognize the help or good behavior so that continues more than the bad.
Take things away. Electronics, toys (we done one at a time or however you feel best). Return them when they earn them back. When my last baby came I became a stay at home mom and its hard. There were plenty of times I broke down and I had to call my hisband at work to talk to them. Raise your voice if you have to, don’t make them literally scared of you but let them know you aren’t playing games. You say your gonna take something, puth them in the corner, etc then stick to it, otherwise they know you aren’t serious
Have your husband have a talk with the kids, telling them they are to behave for you exactly as they do for him, if not there will be consequences, something taken away, good old fashioned grounding never hurt anybody either. Also, tell him the next time you see or talk to him how they’re behaving/misbehaving. If they start listening, at the end of a certain time(week, month, etc.) , reward them for their good behavior.
Take away everything and let them know legally you only required to give them a bed, some clothes, and food. They can earn it all back or continue to act like brats. Dont do a damn thing for them. If they need you say sorry you dont want to behave while dad is gone so Im good!!! Lol.
I just put dad on speaker phone! He had more authority 2 hours away than I did ten feet away! Lol
Place a camera in the house so Dad can see what they have done. He will know that All they do is Lie to him. They need to RESPECT YOU.
Beat dat azz! PUNISHMENT! Put the fear of God in them! That is what my parents did, me, not so much, but, yeah, discipline. Then you take away all their favorite stuff, and then, you SCREAM< I have spoken! Boom, problem solved!
It could be that they are feeling “left out” maybe its activities for getting ready for the new baby or just normal acting up just make sure to keep them involved so they know they are still and always will be loved and if nothing changes Debbie Butler-Hawkins makes a very good point about privileges
Also know that your mom. You are their safe place.