My childs father thinks it's my responsibility to bring our child to him: Advice?

Hi, I would like to post with my name withheld. So my story is I live in the UK, have three children, 2 with my current partner and my first from a previous relationship. I had to move to a bigger house after my 3rd child was born this year I moved lea than 20 miles away but there is water between me and the mainland now as I moved to the isle of Wight, now my firstborns father is stating that all travel responsibility is on me as I ‘choose’ to move where I did. I have already covered all the travel for the first 5ish month’s bar about a month that I didn’t want to travel because of covid and the rules about using public transport; I didn’t feel safe traveling with my three children on public transport which surely is fair now I was fine doing this as a favor in my mind not out of responsibility as I didn’t want any arguments to arise just because we wanted to move somewhere more suited for our needs, such as cost, size, location and quality of life. But recently 1st born fathers hours changed at work, meaning he wanted to switch the weekends around that he had put the child on, meaning he either had to have him two weeks in a row or I did to even it out he demanded he have the two in a row I said fine, but I can’t afford two weeks in a row so asked he pay for the second week I even said I’d still to the travel of he paid as he didn’t want to do it. He agreed but when he was due to send the money to me so I could book tickets he said many things about why I should still pay so he went back on paying so I decided I shouldn’t continue doing him the favour of covering all the travel and coats any more now he’s saying I can choose between him paying maintenance or him paying travel. I have explained to him that if he pays the travel maintenance will take money off of what he’s due to pay but hasn’t made a difference he still believes he can pick and choose what he does now he’s saying he’s going to stop maintenance and seek legal advice am I right in thinking it’s fair to come to an arrangement between us for travel or is it somehow all on me to do the travel because I moved house? Any help is appreciated

14 Likes

Get ahead of him and go to court yourself. Travel expenses and responsibilities should be made 50/50 regardless of whose choice it was to move. Seek legal council 100%

28 Likes

Ummmm, I live in the states, more specifically indiana… in my court order who Evers parenting time it is does transportation so like when it’s his, he comes to get him, when it’s your it’s your turn to get him

6 Likes

Get a legal enforceable order thru the courts(however the us does it). Then maybe split it so you do drop off to him and he does drop off to you.

2 Likes

I chose to leave my husband and move back to our home state and he was responsible for 70% of the travel for our son.

2 Likes

Didn’t he have to sign off on taking the child out of state?

I’d take it to court and see what the judge says. I think you’ve been more than accommodating but if he’s going to go back on agreements that should stop.

5 Likes

You are the one who moved, you need to make sure your child can see his/her father

4 Likes

I’m in Canada but usually within the custody agreement you can specify whose responsibility it is to pay for travel (typically 50/50). It also sounds like you are having trouble getting him to pay maintenance for your oldest? I’d suggest getting a lawyer and having a formal custody agreement drawn up

6 Likes

i don’t think it works that way.
Simple: if someone it’s interested to see their own children u Will go no matter what. we moved 2.5 hrs from where my stepdaughter lives and my husband and I and our kids go every weekend to see her. :woman_shrugging:t2: hopefully u and the baby dad can make something to work for both.

4 Likes

How i do w my daughter. When she goes to his house he come gets her when my turn i pick her up

2 Likes

You’re giving him way to much control over you. Take your situation to court.

8 Likes

My child’s father pays me an alloyed amount a month which is about half of the actual travel cost which I am fine with we have 50/50 custody so half travel costs is fine

Since you are in the United Kingdom, I’d say to seek your nearest council for legal advise and get legal papers to state 50/50 for transportation costs.

4 Likes

Go to court y’all should do split back and forth are meet half way

3 Likes

Definitely get legal advice and get a court order so everything is spelled out clearly for you both.

2 Likes

In America, the parent that chooses to move, is the parent that usually pays.

3 Likes

50/50!!! And if you moved further it is your responsibility! Not far to him.

1 Like

My oh went through the courts for access, it was stated that the mother dropped his child to him and he returns his child to the mother.

2 Likes

I agree with him. If YOU decided to move to a place that means more transportation costs, you should be fully responsible for paying those costs and still maintain the normal custody time. Any judge here would agree with me. Should at the least be on you to get the kid to the mainland, if he will agree to pick up at the pier.

3 Likes