My daughter acts up at her fathers house and I am in the middle: Advice?

I share custody of my 6 yr old daughter. And 50% of the time, she stays with her dad, who lives with his mother. More days than not, her father calls me in the morning because his mother has to get her ready for school, and she is AWFUL to her grandma, like biting screaming hitting. My daughter would never dream of behaving this way at my home or treating my mother that way. In fact, she’s pretty much an angel besides minor behavior issues here. Her dad’s mother WILL not punish her and goes behind her dad’s back when he does punish her(takes away tablet or sends her to room) and literally gives her tablet time and will let her come out of her room. I don’t know how to handle this as her grandmother won’t let me talk to her or punish her when she is acting this way. Should I continue to entertain this or try to give advice when she’s acting this way if her grandma won’t follow through with punishment? I’m trying to raise a decent human, and it’s like she’s allowing this behavior. Should I try to sit down with this woman, or should I let them handle this? She always tells me when I send her to her room or punish her here that her grandma and dad don’t do it the same, but she is now starting to understand that we have different rules. I just don’t know how to handle this every day when her father is obviously desperate for help, but her grandma is being prideful and won’t take advice. I’m tired of being the bad guy. It’s hard for me to hear she acts this way when it’s not a thing at my place. Do I tell them not to call me anymore and handle it on their own?

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Yup. If she wont take your words then dont take theirs.

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So instead of focusing on what your mil is it isn’t doing, you need to figure out why your daughter is acting like this towards her if she doesn’t act like this towards other people.

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Sounds like she made need counseling. Something has happened, whether at his house or school. Then again, she could just be acting out because she knows she can. He should perhaps look at finding a n apartment or something for just the two of them. Maybe she’s not getting enough attention from Dad? Good luck

How bout step up and be less shit bag and more a mom clown ass bitch

Its because she needs routine and it sounds like there she doesnt have it. Nor is she told what to do. She is spoiled and then when she is told to do something the grandma gets a big reaction.

Maybe go over there in the am and see what goes on. Make her stop.

Tell the grandma she needs to put her in time out or take tablet away all day.

Therapy might be needed if more is going on. If u trust these ppl it could be she is really testing them and seeing what she can get away with.

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98% this is a direct result of mom’s shit talking…

It sounds like your daughter is trying to tell you something. Its extremely suspicious that she gets so irate towards her grandmother only. You need to get to the bottom of whatever is causing that whether its abuse or just a behavioral issue.

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Tell him to talk to his mom, when she’s with him it’s his job, he’s he parent too, let him and mommy deal with it

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I would start handing out punishments when she got home for acting out like that. There is an obvious disrespect for grandma because she’s a pushover.

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Sounds like there is some issue there, or she is seeing how far she can push the boundaries there. If the grandmother doesn’t want to punish her she’s the one who has to deal with that, but I would have a talk with daughter and let her know how you expect her to behave no matter where she is. Maybe even if you find out she is still be ing super out of control over there or sassy, you can make her have consequences at your house too. Limit screen time or take away what ever she’s into and has to earn it back by having better behavior out of your home.

He’s going to have to move out and run his house the way he wants it. Period. Grandma’s are supposed to spoil their grandkids, not raise them. Even if it is 50% of the time.

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Handle it on their own. It’s his parenting time, time to parent.

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Nothing you can do. You cannot control what goes on at her fathers. Number 1.) Grandmas are grandmas not parents to their grand child. Its up to the father to put his foot down. He needs to get his own place and let grandma be grandma.

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He’s responsible to parent, plain and simple. You could sit down (all of you) and discuss with her that these behaviors aren’t acceptable, but Gma needs to get on board BIG TIME!
You cannot punish her for what went on at her dad’s but you can discuss how it’s not acceptable behavior. Healthy co-parenting is about working together, but Gma needs to knock it off!

Consistency is key. In my opinion. :confused: idk what else to say…

It sounds like his mother is creating most of the issues. He needs to learn to be a parent and not rely on you. And Grandma needs to learn some boundaries. If it continues then maybe she needs to stay with you during the week and him on the weekends, or grandma needs to find a new place to live

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Children thrive on structure. Talk to your daughter. Children are smarter than we give them credit for.

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If Grandma is coddling her then it’s on him to fix his mom not yours.

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First why is the grandmother taking care of her when it’s her dad’s time? Maybe this is the daughters issue. Dad is not giving the attention and care she wants or needs and grandma gets stuck with it and the attitude. Kids act out for reasons not just because. Why is it grandma’s responsibility to care for this child while on Dad’s time. That put the daughter and the grandma in an unfair position. If is is for daycare purposes then it is the father’s responsibility to deal with not the moms. It sounds like an attention lack of/or trying to get issue. Dad needs to ensure he is playing his part and enforce what he expects while it’s his time. Not your responsibility mom. Unless you feel there is something wrong going on such as abuse.

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