My daughter blames me for her father not being around: Advice?

My daughter has recently started to blame me for her father, not having more of a part in her life. We have been separated most of her life, but he has always been a part of it. Until now. He hasn’t seen or talked to her in close to a year, and her friends at school have started telling her that I’m the one preventing it. I try to invite him to events, try to give him as many opportunities to see her as he can. His participation seems to have diminished over the years, tho. I don’t know what to tell her. I try my best not to talk bad about him to or around her, but being essentially hated for something I can’t control is wearing down my resolve. I’ve told her I have no control over him, and I wish she would stop blaming me/believing what her friends say. Any advice or personal insight into similar situations would be greatly appreciated.

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How old is she? I would let her reach out to him herself.

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Get him to ring her . Don’t wear the blame if it’s not your fault

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My daughter is 14 and I do not lie to her about her father. I don’t bad mouth him but I don’t sugar coat how he is either. She felt the same way for a while but now she sees that it has been him this whole time. It was a tough thing for her to deal with but it’s getting better.

When she has questions about him…call him so so he can answer them…dont make excuses…when you invite him to event’s do it in front of her so she knows he has been invited…and if at all possible Mom communicate with Dad…ask him whats the deal…maybe he has some issues going on

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My son is almost 16. His father and I have been separated since he was 3. He hasn’t been a constant in my son’s life until past 3 years. Everything he told my son he would believe and listen to. My son started to blame all if his father’s short comings on me. Over the summer he stayed with his dad for a couple of months came back started school and wanted to go live with him. I agreed thought maybe it is what he needed. It didn’t last very long. I’ve never spoken bad about him in front of my son and recently my son started to ask a lot questions and he started to remember situations and make more sense of them. Just be supportive and don’t bad mouth him. I know watching your kids be disappointed and hurt is hard but give her time to figure out the truth. You’ll see she will and she won’t hate you. Right now you’re the only one she can blame.

Similar situation here. I’ve never been one to talk bad about his dad but it came to a head recently and I wasn’t going to protect him anymore . If she’s ready tell her the truth… you don’t need to speak badly but be truthful about how you feel about everything… honesty is the best policy … good luck

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I had this problem with my mom as well, I blamed her. I’m older and know better now that it was him and why he didn’t come around. What made me blame my mom is because she would make excuses for him like “he’s out of town that’s why he didn’t make it.” Or something like that. I would think why does he keep contact with you but not me? You need to let her do her own reaching out and see for herself. Once my mom did this, not right away but after awhile I stopped blaming her because I realized it was him and not her. I was bout 7-8 when I started blaming my mom. Took a few years of reaching out to him but now the feeling towards him is mutual.

It may take a while but she’ll figure it out. It’s a sad situation and sucks that so many of us have been in the same situation

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Dear mom,
How old is she? She needs new friends. Yesterday.

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I was that kid also. Have her call him.

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Have her call him…write him…
She needs to take some initiative if she wants to develop a relationship with her father. You cannot do that for her or him. Have her personally mail him Birthday cards…Christmas Cards… invitations… whatever she wants. His failure to participate will tell her the truth…which will be painful, so get her some counseling now as she begins this process.

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Hand her the phone and let her start calling him and inviting him to things. She wants to go that route, then let her take the job of calling him, not you. She’ll figure it out eventually

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Have her call him. You stop trying. If she’s gonna blame you for his absence then let her try to call him and invite him to things. I went thru this with my 5 year old and let me tell you after a whole month of her trying to call him or video chat him and him not answering she doesn’t care to try with him anymore. My daughters father has been in and out of jail and I have been honest with my daughter since it all started and she realized it was the choices he made that ended him up in jail. After calls being rejected she’s finally realized it wasn’t me it was him all along.

Same thing with my ex-husband. Then as young adults he had the nerve to tell them I wouldn’t allow him to see them. My son even believed it for awhile until he saw the truth. Its easier for her to blame you mom. That way she doesn’t feel that he doesn’t love her. She knows in her heart that you do. I think many kids do this & never realize they are doing it. Good luck Momma!

Does she have a cellphone? Do you, if so here is what you do: Dial his number and hand her the phone. Have her call him, DAILY. You say nothing. Do this daily, so HE can tell her why he’s not in her life
If you have spoken ill about this man in her presence, shame on you! The truth about the absent parent will ALWAYS come out. All you had to do was WAIT. Then love and support her through her broken :broken_heart:.ijs

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Child counseling is needed and never trash her dad.

I showed text messages. Didn’t care. “Here’s where I invited, & he said he’d be here” and then… clearly he’s not here. Wasn’t my choice.

Look into yourself, do you show him negative vibes when he comes around. If not let your conscience set you free. She is on her own

She will eventually see it. I know my kids did. What u can do for now tho is have her invite him to things and her ask him to b around. He may change his behavior for her and maybe not. But at least this way she hopefully sees the truth when he doesnt show up