Alright, so I’m looking for just advice, I guess. No negativity, only positive vibes here. But my daughter is 9. Her “dad” has NEVER been in the picture. I was 16 & 2 months pregnant when I told him I was pregnant, to which he said he wanted nothing to do with either of us. Fine whatever. I was moved on. I never went after him for child support because, during our relationship, he started to get bad into drugs… but Like I said never been in the picture, and I have been with two men that she’s wanted to call dad. They were long term relationships. I was married to one of them. So I allowed her to call my now ex-husband’s dad, who is the father of my son. Well, he ended up being toxic and cheated on me, we divorced, and ever since then, he’s been with a female that has told him she didn’t want him around my son or me. So he’s barely been in the picture; he sees his son like a week out of the year. Minimal. But I’ve always allowed him to see his son whenever he asks. He just doesn’t ask. He’s not consistent. But back to my daughter, she has been upset and wondering where her dad is—wondering why her brother has a dad, and she doesn’t. So on and so forth. It breaks my heart. She wants a dad. So… of course, I do a little Facebook stalking, nothing too drastic. But I see enough to know her “dad” is a father to two other kids! So what I’m wondering is, should I actually put in the effort to go after him for like child support? Or… try to get him involved in my daughter’s life? Side note: I’ve not seen or heard from this guy literally in like ten years so… I wouldn’t even know how to approach that situation. Anyway, what do you guys think? Thank you
Don’t go for money. Just keep on doing what you’re doing and let him know that’s she’s asked about him
If its truly about your daughter having a dad… reach out about THAT… if this is about child support… stay gone.
Absolutely. Even if you bank it for her education…
You obviously care about your children very much and as a mom I get that. I wonder though, if this guy truly doesn’t care about his daughter, it might be best not to push things. I don’t know the whole situation, but think about the possibility that meeting her father could end up hurting her more.
I agree with Robin, reach out as a mum to a dad. Tell him his daughter wants to know him,give him some info about her and include a picture of her too. Tell him it’s all about your Daughter and her need to know her dad and where she came from. That’s all you can do. My son’s dad was similar,deserted us whilst still pregnant and sporadically saw his son. 25 years old and saw his dad maybe 25 times! Unfortunately you can’t change someone and if he’s not interested there’s zip you can do. Good luck
Get DNA and make him pay, he is not off the hook
I wou d file for child support for your daughter. I would also explain to your daughter next time she asks very simply what you said here. I would also fond her a male role model , a mentor a big brother big sister, relative or a friend that could be a role model.
Contact him … people do change he may want his younger children to know her also.
Filing for child support, will not improve any relationship. Because people only see red… money money money… that your taking away. I dont think starting off by collecting child support is a way for ur daughter to have a relationship. Message and ask and tell them their daughter is struggling with not having a dad and would like one.
Reach out to him. First and foremost. Please dont blind side him with court papers for child support. Dont allow the relationship your daughter may have be tarnished from the get go with negativity. If he is receptive and wants to be a part of her life great! Allow it as much as you, her, and him are comfortable. Give him a heads up that you will be going for child support so that atleast he has a “verbal” heads up, if you choose to do that. Its hard, but I do think your ultimate goal is to give your daughter the chance to have her dad… good luck.
My daughter will be 12 next week… when she was born, I paid thousands to attorney to make it so he could see her with supervision as he was using drugs and we had a horrible domestic abuse relationship and I was hospitalized when I left him. He had the chance to see her, I even paid the nonrefundable $200 for him to see her. He got high instead. He was in and out of jail. Was ordered support even though I told the state I didn’t want it. After 1 year of me being drug into court every month because he was not doing his part, he lost his visitation rights unless I were to agree. But, he had almost killed me so there was a protective order in place. Then, he came after my daughter and I. By time she was 3 I had successfully terminated his rights. He owes me support until his rights were terminated which is over $20k… I know I won’t see it as he will be in prison until she is an adult and it will not have been his money anyway. My daughter was never told of her “dad”. I was in 2 serious relationships and the last one she personally asked him to be her dad. After 5 years things ended badly. I told her the truth of who her dad was. Didn’t put him down but told her he made bad decisions that lead him to prison. He was due to get out in 3 months but he messed up and got 3 more years. I don’t tell her what he did. But, I do tell her when she is 18, if she wants to meet him, i am happy to help her. She knows who has been there for her. Honestly, if your daughter has gone that long without him, if it could cause her more harm, let it be… she will eventually realize what is going on. Don’t speak foul of the father. But, if you think it could benefit her for him to be around, ask him to meet her. But, dont do it for the support because that relationship will never stick. Wish you the best, that is a hard place to be. In the end… do what is best for the child… not for you and even if the money might help, dont push it for the money. Your child and ex will resent you
Getting child support will be a fight, you’ll have to go to court. Get proof he is the father then maybe get something. If he has a job. All that could take a while, an just piss him off. Work on a relationship first then maybe, see how to go about it. if no relationship. I’d still see about some kind of support from him. You didn’t make that baby by yourself…
If you want to reach out an say your daughter wants to know you, ect.
See what he has to say or if he says anything.
Either they’ll have a relationship or not. If he writes back saying he doesn’t want to know her. Save it. One day you can tell/show your daughter you did what u could to have him in her life but to NO fault of hers. You can’t make someone be a father.
Just make sure she knows if all goes to hell, she is loved an never doubt her self worth. Good luck.
How come grandparents aren’t in picture even though he is a dead beat? Do or did they know?
Does it look like he got his shit together? If it does then maybe je doesn’t know how to approach you or just doesn’t want to so thats a risky one but you won’t know until you ask. If its him not wanting the relationship with your daughter then no reason to tell her anything. I would simply say, i really don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him for a very long time, before you were born. As she gets older she’ll know what happened and as an adult she’ll decide to look for him herself and then he will have to give her a reason/explanation. But honestly I wouldn’t ask anything from either of them. Do you and your kids. Besides you will have all their love to yourself.
Thats how I see it.
Maybe he wanted to get in touch regarding his daughter but didn’t know how (?) Wonder if he told the mother of his two kids, also…
For you’re lass’ sake, reach out to the dad on the down-low. Suss him out first without your daughter knowing.
Wouldn’t bring up child maintenance £ just now. Hope all goes well.
I really tried so hard to keep my kids father in their life. It retrospect it was not worth it . AT. All !
Don’t file for child support. Reach out to him and see what the situation is…it may or may not be something you want your daughter involved in…bc at this point she will have another family…step mother, step siblings…ARE YOU READY TO DEAL WITH THAT?
I was in this exact same position only I am the daughter. Tell her and get in touch with him please then see how it goes but you have to give her the opportunity to try and form some kind of a relationship with him if you don’t she may end up hating you for keeping him from her. I know there extenuating circumstances but she needs to know.good luck and God Bless.
My son is 14 now and just recently asked about his biological father. I reached out to him and simply put it that his son wants to get to know him. No matter how he reacts you can let your daughter know one way or the other.