I’m sure a lot of moms haven’t been in this situation. But I need positive feedback. As it’s been hard on me. My ex and I have been together for eight years. Grade nine sweethearts. We’ve been by each other’s side three years before our relationship as good friends. Everything was fine. Great. Until August. We broke up. He got into the drugs. He called children services on me. Fast forward he’s up on charges ran from the police. To be with his ex, which is no better than he is. He is running from the police and skipping court. Blocked me off everything. Changed his number. I know my kids, and I are better without him. But how do I explain to my four-year-old daughter were her daddy is . and once she’s older all this could have her thinking she isn’t good enough because her own father ran away from her. I don’t ever want him around my kids or myself again. I plan on going for full custody. but how do I explain to my kids why daddy just up and left
He ran off to be with his ex girlfriend from 8th grade?
You don’t. That is something that you deal with and carry the burden of. It’s what moms do. You have to just say daddy loves you and you will see him soon. It’s hard but they are too young to deal with that. You have to. Anything else is unfair.
Be as honest as you can with them to an extent (taking in their age and maturity) shes 4 so for now just tell her he went away. My eldest from my first marriage was 5 when her bio left the picture. By then id been with my SO (husband now) for 3 years and she’d grown disinterested with Bio for hardly being there in the first place. It don’t get easier as they get older but they see more and understand the situation clearer. Best of luck hon
Dont tell her anything unless it is asked by herm Just tell her daddy had to go.
Do not lie to your child explain it the best way a four year old will understand it like baby daddy is sick and getting help when he’s better you’ll see him
Trust me personally speaking I was raised with a Mom that did drugs in front of me and my two little sisters . I was raised to 4 days at a time even months. He doesn’t deserve you and he doesn’t deserve that little beautiful four-year-old that you have.
Just explain to her when she does get over that it does not her fault up and it’s nothing to do with her, her father made his own bad decisions and she cannot let that affect her.
I wish you nothing but luck and if you need somebody to talk to you I’m always here💜
What I did was explain to my son that no matter what mommy and daddy will always love him and that daddy is sick right now so he has to stay away so daddy doesn’t get you sick too. I know its not the best way but it worked then for me. After a while she will stop asking and when she is old enough you can choose to tell her the truth or let her figure it out on her own.
Ive never explained to my son why his real father is not around. I figured when hes ready and starts asking id give an age appropriate answer. But i wouldn’t tell her anything. If she asks just say daddy had to leave for awhile.
Daddy needs to get help from lots of doctors to get better and until hes ready to accept help to get better daddy cant stay with us. If asked why say that sometimes people need help and arnt ready for it and it makes it dangerous to be around them. Maybe when you are older we can talk about it more. Until then its momma and you slumber parties every day! ( or whatever you choose to sooth it over) kids are smart if you explain it clearly as you can to their understanding. That young they wont understand the whole thing but getting sick and doctors they should be able to comprehend. Later when they get older and ask you can explain in better honest detail. I hope it gives you some ideas.
I agree with the others above, don’t tell them anything unless they ask you and say he’s just a little sick and needed to get help so he can get better. Go for full custody, he probably won’t show up to court anyways because he’ll know he will get arrested if he does have a warrant for running before.
Truth just the truth
I personally wouldn’t talk adult situations with a 4 year old child. Let her know that he loves her.
Okay, I’m young yes but I was in a relationship with my babies dad for 5+ years. That whole time he was very abusive. Finally I had the courage to leave. When I did my son was younger (3 yrs). Of course he didn’t know what was going on but as he got older he would ask why I don’t kiss daddy or why daddy doesn’t live with us. I found the best result was to be honest with him (but I have been since he could understand) I told him that daddy did mean things to mommy and that is was best we didn’t live together anymore. He understood and still loves his daddy more than anything in this whole world but he does know the truth. I would be honest with your children (I mean don’t go telling them that daddy is on drugs) but let them know that sometimes parents fall out of love and nothing is their fault. And if he isn’t active in their life anymore just let them know daddy and mommy had to take a break.
You get to a PROFESSIONAL councilor to get your answers. Not Facebook… When it comes to.kids you have to seek out the best advice. U have been a child care provider for well over 20 years and have seen it all… The best results start with you having the right “tools” to answer the tough questions…
Explain that daddy made some really bad mistakes and when grown ups do that the punishment is more than just a few minutes in the corner. Let her know that you do not know when or if she will see daddy again, but that this separation is Not her fault or yours. Let her draw pictures or otherwise express herself. If she is really having a problem with his absence check with her doctor and get a referal for a child’s therapist. It could be that she will be happier without all the turmoil daddy has caused. It could be that daddy will finally get sober and get his act together, but that could take years. I would not count on it and I would not give the child false hope. Do the best you can to make yourself and your child safe, healthy and happy and take the rest one day at a time.
Speaking from experience, my dad did the same thing and my mom just said my dad was away and when he can he’ll come see me… I have zero recollection of my mom and dad ever being together but he was active for a while… he then left me at my moms and never came back… I was 7. I didn’t understand, I thought he didn’t want me… my mom explained that my dad has some personal issues he needs to handle and he’ll come around. She never once trashed him, kept us from him (she wouldn’t allow us to go with him but she never denied him coming to the house to visit, not like he did but the invite was there) and when we get older we’d understand more…
Another personal experience, my ex husband and I split, our daughter (she was 5 at the time, not bio mine but I’m the only mom she’s known, long story). I left him due to his drinking and drug use… 12 years of a relationship, starting when I was a freshman in HS, and I left… our daughter would ask me if she was the reason we split and why we weren’t together and I simply explained that her daddy was sick and we just couldn’t get along anymore and that we both loved her more than anything, we just no longer loved each other. She is now 8, I have moved on and have 2 children and her dad is 1yr sober, has got a great job doing what he loves and we are GREAT friends. Just explain to her the best you can without trashing her father, she will see who he is for herself and so will your other children. Stay strong, give them extra love, wipe their tears away and pray he will get help and be the dad they need.
Explain that daddy got in trouble and doesn’t want to face discipline. That’s he’s hiding from that not her.
Just be nice to your child. Tell the chold that daddy no longer lives with you. Im sure that there are people in your childs life thst he loves but yous dont live with them and thats the. Way it is with daddy. Never talk bad in front of a child about either parent. All that does os HURT the child and lower thier self confidense.
You don’t tell a 4 year old that…all you can do is reassure her you are there for her…she will be alright, not the first child to grow up with a single parent…I raised 3 on my own and they turned out just fine!