My ex doesn't contact me at all about our daughter: Advice?

So my daughter’s father and I haven’t been together since I was 20 weeks pregnant. He’d rather play around and get drunk. He’s 29. I was sick of being his babysitter, and he is drunk all the time. Our daughter is now going to be three months old, and he has only tried to contact me once about her. I was always the one trying to get him involved after I kicked him out to go to appointments and whatnot. He wouldn’t go at all. We now will be going to court trying to fight for full custody. My question is, is he in the wrong for not contacting me about her? Or asked to try and see her. When I kicked him out, his family put in his head, this isn’t his baby, and he told me that. Mind you was never with anyone else when we were together bc I would either be at work or carting his drunk self places. He is now living with a girl he messes with. She’s also a drunk. I’m just afraid they will give him time to see her, and he and his whole family and she will be drunk while they have her. I’ve seen his mom drink while she has her 2-week old grandbaby and eight-year-old granddaughter. I’m afraid if she has one of her crying episodes, he will shake her. This mama is nervous and stressed out reck bc of what she may be exposed too.


You can ask for regular drug and alcohol testing as part of the deal for him having time with her. If you have proof or can get written letters from people who will testify to his drunken states then get those too! Also, get a good attorney! I’ve seen moms lose custody of their kids because they can’t stay clean! :woman_shrugging:t2:


Depends on the state you live in. Like Vermont he wouldnt get full custody… he wouldnt even get 50/50… The most he would get is supervised visits bc of the fact that he is a drunk

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Get a good lawyer and find proof that he does drink alot maybe even ask for alcohol/drug testing to the court. If he is a drunk he most likely won’t show up to court anyway.

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As this infants mother… at no point would it be ok to leave your child with him in full alcohol addiction mode. You will never change anyone nor can you force someone to be a parent. You can screw up your child by doing it. Be the best mom you can be, go for child support if you need it for your child. But for the love of God never go back to him. Focus on you and your child. Build from there.

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Get a lawyer, get any proof you can. Maybe see if you can get some type of drug testing done. Ask for supervised visitation. I don’t know if he would get some type of custody or visitation. Might depend on the state and the judge but a lawyer would be best to answer that.

Did he sign her birth certificate? If he doesn’t wanna be around SEEYA!
If he did take him to court with proof, get a good lawyer and have his rights terminated. Screw all that.
Sometimes kids really are not better off with both parents.


Fight for full custody but also try to get child support (child support and custody are separate orders). Make him get a dna test since he believes it’s not his baby. He’s definitely the one in the wrong not even trying to contact you to see his baby.

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It could be possible to get him for abandonedment but if he shows up and shows a interest in the child they may give him the benefit of the doubt, but you can mention his alcohol use and they may want him to test for that. I was told legally they can’t force one to do these drug tests, but they can use the refusal to your advantage. They may even require his visitation as supervised. This could go many ways and literally depends on him, his attitude, lawyers, perhaps the child should have a guardian ad litem, the judge, and the state you live in.

If drinks all the time better off with out him been there done that and scene and he is older than me and still don’t see hasn’t seen sense between 3&5 alcohol more important and cheating on me and she almost 25 now.

You are absolutely in the right. If he cared, he needs to step up. As far as court goes. You can ask that he be tested for paternity and alcohol. That is in your right as well. Hopefully the judge will see that he is unfit.

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He is in the wrong for not contacting you but he has every right to leave it to the court and avoid contact with you 🤷 i advocate for coparenting 100% but some people are incapable. In colorado they would have you guys hire a child family investigator. The cfi would write up a report to determine the best custody arrangement. I was terrified my ex would take our baby and run away with since he had threatened that before. The court didnt care. Unless your ex completely bombs his cooperation or shows the court/cfi he is unfit he will get some kind of time.
I had to learn to accept that i could not control what happened at daddy’s

He hasn’t been involved and doesn’t sound like he wants to either, I don’t think you have anything to worry about momma!


Get proof over his drunken behavior. The more you can show to the court that he’s unfit to have custody, the better.


I’d be honest and express your concerns in court tbh. If he hasn’t tried to go to appointments or be in your child’s life, why are y’all going to court in the first place? I’m just confused bc it doesn’t sound like he has interest in having his daughter. And if you’re worried about him taking care of her properly, don’t reach out to him. It might be hard, but there’s single moms everywhere who find a way for their kids.


Document everything. And if he doesn’t want to be involved, don’t force him.


In my experience family courts try to be fair but at the same time the take into effect the child’s well being also. IF they give visitations they’ll probably mandate that he has to do some kind of rehab or something to help with his drinking problem and they’ll start off with supervised visits. But you have the upper hand here because he hasn’t shown any interest at all. They’ll take that into account also. I dont think you have anything to be worried about as far as custody. When you go to court Express every one of your concerns and be stern. That is your baby and you are protecting your child at all cost

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