My ex gave my 5-year-old an iphone: Thoughts?

My ex gave my five yo daughter an iPhone. A little back story. We were married for seven years, and he’s was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. I stayed with him through things I shouldn’t have towards the end I caught him cheating on me with multiple girls, even found his account on a sugar daddy hookup site. I filed for divorce two years ago this august. I’ve tried really hard to have a good co-parenting relationship for the sake of our daughter and did try to reconcile but realized he’d never change. I’ve never kept her from being able to call her dad. If she asked, I would FaceTime him and hand her my phone. Then one day, he decides to get her an iPhone. I told him I really didn’t think it was appropriate given her age. Of course, I caved and let her have it. At first, she never called him I didn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to. So he would call her and act sad asking why doesn’t she call and he’s so sad and lonely. But two weekends ago she came back VERY different. Constantly calling, saying she HAD to call her dad. She’s never done that. The past two weeks, he’s been texting her pictures of himself, them together, videos of himself. I feel he’s abusing power I gave him, and I want to tell him to keep the phone at his house as it is his property and they can talk through my phone. Advice please?!

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Tough call. My kids didn’t get cell phones until they were in junior high school. 5 is far too young in my opinion. It’s definitely sounds like a control issue with him. First trying to manipulate her with being sad that she doesn’t call him and now forcing her to.

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5 is super young for that kind of decision making skills. I would say he had to use your phone. He may just be trying to track her. Or have it so you can’t monitor what is being said

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Okay, my first thought would be if he abused her in any way physically or sexually while she was there last :thinking: most kids that age will not tell you, especially if it has to do with a family member.

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Court.
I have a friend in a very similar situation and she got most of the s
Custody and he has to schedule calls with YOU and YOU are the parent in charge.
A 5 year old does not need a phone

But it you want you can and should time limit the phone and have a passcode only you know

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Your ex is an idiot.

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This is very odd honestly

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5 is young but if he’s not a good person as u say then she can use that phone to call you or text you in an emergency if hes abusive to herbin any way and u can say…have a code word for if shes hurt or scared or needs help so u can use this to your advantage …most divorced couples have phone time put into parenting plans where I live is that a possibility so say when she’s with you he can only call her once a day at 6 pm for example I live in nh and you can literally have that as part of your parenting plan and it become a court order so if he does use it too much or as a power thing it woukd be breaking a court order so…

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Put the phone away when she’s at your house, you’re the boss in your home.

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I agree with you. If he wants her being able to contact him he should get her a watch that she can simply call him any time. I don’t think kids that young should have phones. And I’d look into what made her change to being obsessive with it. Also agree with if she does keep the phone to have it set in the agreement for so much time a day. And when she’s not on a call with him it should be put away til she goes back to his house

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Wtf no you gave her the phone, this is what comes with that. God forbid he’s said something to make her want to call him?!! Why do you immediately think it’s something sinister ? You sound like you were waiting for ANYTHING to come up to complain about, because this is a BIG reach!

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I would tell her dad the phone stays at his house when she’s with you. If he don’t like it tell him to shove that phone up his ass and take it to court. I’m sure the judge would side with you and tell him to keep that phone

The phone needs to remain at his house and not travel between households. At five years old she doesn’t need her own phone and it seems to be causing a disruption in her regular routine. He can maintain contact with her while in your care through your phone as he has done before.

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Um what. Abusing the power you gave him?
Hes her dad. He has as much right as you do to see, speak and send her photos of her life with him…

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Omgosh, I don’t mean to sound intrusive or anything but you have to talk to your daughter seriously, my daughter’s dad molested my daughter when she was 5 years old​:broken_heart::sob:, this sounds way too similar to me from a situation I was in. God forbid he isn’t doing that to her!

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5 is too young for a phone. If he wants her to use the phone schedule a time that you give it to her to call him. After the call is over put the phone away. If she is carrying that phone he can also track its location.

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Regardless of the caving etc. she’s beyond too young to have a cell phone, if she brings it back with her shut it off or place it out of sight and he can call you to speak with her or have the phone out during designated call times.

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Take her to a child therapist if she doesn’t want to open up to you.

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Tell him to keep the phone at his house. You can’t do anything about that when it’s his time with her, but if you have a problem with the phone, don’t let her have it at your house. Just try to explain it to her that you want her playing outside and playing with her toys and not on a phone all the time. That behavior is very weird, yes, but I honestly wouldn’t know how to go about it without making it seem like he threatened her (and it’s very possible he did, if he abused you).

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So her dad wanted a way to talk to her without having to deal with you? How horrible :roll_eyes:

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