My ex told me I wasn’t allowed to bring any other man around my daughter: Advice?
Me and my ex-boyfriend have a 1-year-old together, and now that we’re not together (I left him), he says he doesn’t care if I move on (we haven’t been together in months), but he says no guy is going to be around our daughter…
I have her 95% of the time. How am I supposed to move on when he threatens and says, ‘have a guy around my daughter and see what happens’? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on because, basically, he won’t let me. Need advice! Thanks!
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“None of his business. Until there is a court order that states this, there is nothing he can do about it. Obviously don’t have a bunch of men around, but if you meet someone and at some point feel it’s going somewhere and he’s going to meet your child that’s your decision.”
“Get a restraining order because he’s threatening you and then do whatever you want because you’re a grown woman and being an ex means he no longer get a say in your life.”
“While I don’t think he should give any say so, it is wise to be cautious who you let come around your children. I think your ex is more scared someone will hurt her as oppose to being controlling. Maybe he can watch her while you go on a date. If not, then you will know it’s just not about her being safe. In that case, write everything down, that way when you go to court it will be well documented.”
“No man should be around your child until its serious anyway. You don’t just take your daughter around any man you date. Why would you even want to??? Stop worrying about finding a man and worry about what’s best for your child.”
“The number of people justifying his threat is concerning. Unless she has given him a real reason to be concerned, he has no business telling her what she can and can’t do whether he likes it or not. A child isn’t an object for control…”
“You are communicating too much. Your conversations should almost be like a professional setting and do not need to be extensive. He still has control over you and he is trying to not lose that. You don’t realize how much freedom you have now. Make Your conversations through text only.”
“He’s your ex-boyfriend; it’s not like you have a separation order that says you can’t have a guy around your kid. That being said, I would wait till you are in a serious committed relationship to introduce your child.”
“Not his decision. I’ve been a single mom since I’ve been pregnant. My son is 3 now. I have made the mistake of introducing a guy too early and the relationship not work out. I suggest either finding a sitter if you would like to go out on dates or have your date go to your house after your daughter is in bed asleep. Don’t introduce anyone to your child unless you are confident the relationship is serious and going somewhere… I suggest waiting at least 6 months. It’s easier to just introduce them right away but try to wait until you find the right relationship.”
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