Hi mammas! I need some advice I have been married to my husband for five years and in those years we have had four children (ages 5,3,2, and 7 months). We got married because we got pregnant and I feel like I was pressured into it by all my family members (if you get pregnant you get married in their eyes), so here I am. I feel like I’m stuck in a dead-end marriage. My husband works the night shift and has since my first son was born, and he sleeps during the day. So I’m taking care of the kids for the most part by myself. I love him as the father of my children; I just don’t love him anymore. We have gone to marriage counseling that didn’t help. Divorce has been brought up numerous times. I don’t have a job at the moment because I stay home saves more money than me going to work. My family keeps telling me I need to stick it out for my kids and my sanity. They told me if we do get a divorce, then their houses are not open to my kids and me. I don’t know if I should stay and stick it out or go.
Alone with 4 kids? No way girl.
For your own family to tell you that is just wrong and cold hearted 🙅
Your family is very TOXIC. You need to cut them off because they’re doing more damage than good. Do what you feel is the best for you and your babies. At the end of they day, it’s about you and your happiness/mental health.
Nobody should have to be forced to be with someone they don’t love yet still want in the life of their kids
Cut your family off they seem horrible
If he isn’t a terrible person and you think there’s even the slightest possibility that it could work then definitely try to make it work
Look into local crisis centers, they usually have temporary housing for people in your situation and can help with resources for child care and what not
I totally understand the getting married pressure things. If I were to do it again I would have not gotten married to my ex-husband. Are you guys Catholic because it sounds Catholics like my family. Anyway it’s none of their business. And your mental health and Sanity are so important. How are you going to take care of those kids if can’t take care of your mental health?
Without a job or family members to help how would you survive? I hate to think of you in a relationship that you are not happy in. BUT…IM thinking that a family that would want that for you…isnt much of a family. ?? Maybe your just soooo stressed having to do it by yourself, that you have alot of anger toward ur hubby. .maybe theres still love there…give it some time. Sit him down and tell him just how you feel. Wishing you all the luck & happiness that you deserve.
Stick it out talk about it with your husband ask him if he can change his work schedule to daytime so he can help out in the evenings it can and will get better if you voice how you feel to him
Well damn. Its sad you can’t depend on your family. I bet that makes you feel even more desperate and alone. If I were in your position I would be honest with my husband. Get a job. Find child care. Even if it is more money its a necessary step towards your independence. Who knows getting back to work might even help your marriage. I know I felt way more confident and happy once I went back to work. Good luck which ever route you go.
Get a job , get a car , get a place then leave
Food for thought. I stayed a very long time and I ended up hating him and me and life. After I left I got counseling and learned to love me and he and I are now good co-parents and the kids are so much happier. We all suffered much longer than we should have. And I had family help and it turned out my mom was verbally abusive and probably the reason I picked my ex and it was better for me to be alone even if I struggled.
You do what feels right for you, no matter what
Your family is so wrong don’t stay if your unhappy don’t stay cause of the kids
Don’t listen to your family you don’t have to stay
You sound like your depressed. You need some time to yourself sounds like.
Why did you continue to keep having children, if you’re saying that’s why you married him! Maybe that could be part of the problem. You having 4 children in 5 years! You’re been pregnant the whole time! Good Grief!
You deserve to be happy and if your marriage is not making you happy have the divorce. It’s really sad and toxic for your family to say/do that to you, maybe your fam is better off? But tbh I can’t imagine that really sticking long-term 🤷
They are toxic! But if I were you I would try to get into some type of online schooling or do some type of work from home gig. Save your own money (I call it a rat hole) a savings that your spouse knows nothing about. Get your ducks in a row. So you can support yourself and your kids. Then try to reach out to services that can help support you. Get Medicaid, food stamps, day care vouchers ect. File for your divorce once you have a stable home to bring your kids to. But not a minute sooner so you don’t lose your kids to your husband or anyone else. (Family will do you dirty before anyone else) But then always watch your back. And save every thing you can to prove why you left or needed to get out. Last year I was in a similar situation were my husband tried to start controlling me, and not letting me go back to work. I pushed back and now I have an amazing job. I even worked 2 jobs this time last year trying to do it all on my own. And had no family to support me either. It’s not easy. But it’s also not impossible. Good luck momma.
Divorce him AND your family
Start looking for childcare and work asap
If your husband objects point out that without you working he will have to pay more in alimony and child support
No one wins in an unhappy loveless marriage
“Sticking it out” will do more damage to the children by normalizing toxic relationships and unstable marriages for them